Class Page #2

And, uh...

the guy was... lyin' on the ground

with blood pourin' out

of a hole in his head.

- It was horrible.

- Jesus.

God.

- What'd you do?

- What do you think? I got the hell out.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?

- I cheated on my SAT.

- I can smell bullshit a mile away.

Hey! It cost me I 50 bucks. I bought

the test. I had every answer goin' in.

You cheated on the SAT?

You cheated on the SAT?!

Yeah.

Christ, I love that! You're the smartest

f***in' guy in the whole school.

Mr Scholarship. I mean,

even Roger did OK on the SAT.

It just so happens my whole life

depends on my getting into Harvard.

You really cheated on the SAT!

It's pretty serious.

Hey, you killed a guy.

Well... not exactly.

What do you mean, ''not exactly''?

Huh?

That son of a b*tch

got away with everything I had.

You know, I was so scared

that I sh*t my pants.

What an a**hole.

Oh, no, Kafka's

symbolism here is obvious.

The apple represents original sin. Yeah.

It sticks in his side like Christ's wound

and eventually festers and destroys him.

No, no, no. What he's really saying

is we're all cockroaches.

- Later.

- Hey, guess what you're doin' tonight.

- Latin.

- Wrong.

You've got a date with the

second-prettiest girl in Foxfield.

- You didn't.

- Oh, I did. I did.

- I am not gonna be able to do this.

- We are not gonna get caught.

I'm not talkin' about that.

I'm talkin' about the girls.

- I've never done it before.

- You've never done that before?

Sure, I've done it. God! Lots of times.

I mean, you know,

not all the way every time, but...

I feel sick.

You've got nothin' to worry about.

These are very nice girls.

I might not even get laid tonight.

Although that's highly unlikely.

Turn off the light.

We're gonna get caught. You know

what they're gonna do if they catch us?

Sure. But it doesn't hold a candle

to what the girls are gonna do.

Oh, God.

(watch bleeps)

Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

(distant) Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

- (distant) Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Oh, I don't believe this.

- (giggles)

- Don't worry.

Here they are. Right on time.

- Hey.

- (both) Hi!

(# "Stand in the Shadows" by Line One)

They want to work, it's just

we haven't given them the opportunities.

Poor people are just like you and me,

except with no money.

They have so many kids,

they can't get out from under.

We've been educated.

We use birth control.

Nobody gives a damn. Their situation

will never change until we do something.

(grunts)

- You don't agree?

- No. No, I, uh...

(Skip) Jesus! Jesus!

Jesus Christ, Jonathon,

I don't believe it! Oh, God!

It's the grossest thing I ever saw!

It's on my skirt!

You know, deep down inside,

I really think they liked me.

Jonathon!

- Guess what I just did for you.

- I don't wanna know.

Welcome aboard, Mr Secretary.

Secretary of the Dance Committee is

bullshit. It's an excuse to get outta class.

That's only one of its positive aspects.

The best part is there's five of us,

and 479 of them.

Let's get 'em.

- Oh-ho, look at the chest on her.

- (French accent) Oh, the little girls.

- Chicks.

- Love 'em.

Whoo!

- Hi. Welcome to Foxfield.

- Love the fat girl! Ooh, the big fat one.

This is the way we think it should go.

Just before the last dance,

our Mrs DeBreul and your Mr Kennedy

will present the prize for best costume.

- Can we just say something?

- We think this costume thing is childish.

What?! But it's a Halloween dance!

There are more important things

than Halloween.

There are people starving!

Lisa, why don't you offer

our guests some sandwiches?

A Halloween dance without any costumes

is like every other dance!

I think any dance is inappropriate

considering the condition of the world.

I am so tired of you two and your

pseudo-intellectual liberal crap!

- Julia!

- Your cotton-candy ideas make me sick!

- Lisa!

- Hi.

Oh, no!

(Jonathon) Agh!

- Lisa!

- I'm sorry.

Stay away from me! Oh, f***!

- Lisa!

- Oh, f***!

You peon!

Oh! Oh!

Let's leave it up to the individual

as to whether he or she wears a costume.

What do you think, Jonathon?

I'm terribly sorry, Mrs DeBreul.

Yes, it was most unfortunate.

The vase was a gift

from Eleanor Roosevelt?

Irreplaceable. No, I don't think

that's being too extreme, not at all.

As a matter of fact, I think

you're being quite generous. Goodbye.

Well, Mr Burroughs,

you and your dance committee

have really made an indelible

impression on our sister school.

And especially you, Mr Ogner.

Not only are you forbidden

to attend the Halloween dance,

but you are the first student

in the history of Vernon Academy

ever to be banned from Foxfield until,

and I quote, ''the day you die''.

On your way, gentlemen.

The white zone is for unloading...

Banished from Foxfield for ever!

The only females within 100 miles.

- Guess you're gonna die a virgin, buddy!

- Give me some of that.

- Here you go, pal, Mr Alligator.

- You wanna buy a shirt?

(brass chorale music )

Ta-da!

You look troubled, my son.

Worriest thou not about being banished

for ever from the Foxfield school for girls,

for yea, though they are

the only females within 100 miles,

there is still a place

where thou canst journey to.

Chicago, on the nine o'clock bus.

- Forget it.

- Desperate circumstances

require desperate measures.

Sexually, you're finished around here.

- Must you rub it in?

- Look, take this ticket.

Go to Rush Street, the Free N Easy Club.

And you will meet the girl of your dreams.

If she ain't there, take what you can get.

Grab a cab, take her to Grey's Lake Inn.

And there you will plant your seed

in the Garden of Eden.

- Here's 100 bucks.

- Forget it.

Jonathon! Until you get laid,

none of us are safe!

And whatever you do, Jesus,

don't tell her you're in high school.

- Tell her you're a longshoreman.

- What?

- Say you're a theatre critic for the Times.

- Yeah. That's better.

You're going. I don't want to see

your ass back here until you succeed.

In fact, I'm not gonna let you in the room

until you bring me... her panties.

Oh, come on. Look, Skip, I'm not like you.

I don't have your charm,

your finesse, your, uh...

- Class.

- Whatever. I'm no good with women.

I know that, you know that. The broads

that go to the Free N Easy don't.

Look, Jonathon, you're a great guy.

You've got a lot going for you.

Hey, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

Well, I might say it if I didn't mean it,

but probably not to you.

Come on, let's go!

(chicken noises)

I'd lend you some money,

but I'm a little short.

Get this one for the Gipper.

Come on, you guys, let's go!

- Bless you.

- Yeah, bless you.

To the Promised Land, my son.

To the Promised Land.

Hey, Jesus, I got a great deal

on some alligator shoes, buddy.

(# "Hiding From Love" by Bryan Adams)

# You can't deny it,

you're only hiding from love

Bartender!

Sir!

# You say you're shy,

but you're only hiding from love

- Watch it!

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