Class Page #3

- Sorry.

# You're not deciding,

you're only hiding from love

Hi. My name is Jonathon. What's yours?

Mind if I join you?

So, do you live around here?

# You say that you're shy,

but you're only hiding from love

Maybe another time.

Oh, man!

- Bartender!

- Hold your horses! Be right with you.

- Go!

- Go!

One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six...

- Oh, man!

- How did I do?

- I could do better than that.

- Oh, she could do better than that!

Ten bucks. Ten bucks. Ten bucks.

- Hey, you're gonna lose some money!

- Ellen!

- Ready for takeoff now?

- Ready. Wait, wait, wait.

Get ready, get set, go!

(all) One! Two! Three! Four! Five!

Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!

Pay up.

Drinks for the losers.

Nice little profit.

- This one's on the house.

- Thanks.

Are you here alone?

- Huh?

- Are you here alone?

Yeah.

You know, I get a really

good feeling from you.

- You do?

- Mm-hm. Gimme your hand.

You got a very exciting aura.

I bet you hear that all the time.

Well... now and again.

- Let me test it.

- What?

Your aura. Take this quarter.

Close your eyes.

See if you can run the quarter

from your forehead to your chin,

and then from ear to ear,

but without ever losing

contact with your skin.

- That's it?

- It'll tell us everything we need to know.

Can I have my...? Yes. Thanks.

How'd I do?

I'm sorry. I guess the vibes

just weren't right.

Wow. Look, you got two fours!

Excuse me.

- Could I... show you something?

- Sure.

Oh, God!

- Why am I such a turd?

- It could happen to anyone here.

- Vodka tonic, please.

- Only a dick would fall for that.

Well, you might be right.

Yeah, I should...

Uh... thanks.

If you'll excuse me...

I'm gonna find a very tall building

with a fabulous view, and jump off.

Trailways bus terminal, please.

I know just the tall building.

Whoo!

- Why don't you come back over here?

- Why don't you come over here?

- No, I'm... I'm comfortable right here.

- What are you afraid of?

Uh... dying.

Uh, look, I wanna be totally honest here.

You're scarin' the hell outta me.

Hey, I just thought of somethin'. I haven't

eaten. What about you? Are you hungry?

What do you say?

I could... I could buy us dinner.

Now I am gonna jump.

- It's only money.

- Yeah, well, it's my only money.

Have you ever...

have you ever been in love?

- Yeah, I was pretty fond of that $100 bill.

- Have you?

You're askin' me, the turd?

Well, you look like a pretty...

sensitive turd to me.

Do you think there's

something wrong with me?

Well, how do I know?

I mean, I don't know you.

We can fix that.

Yeah, are you hungry? Cos I am

pretty hungry. You could buy us dinner.

OK, so what do you wanna eat?

Um...

do you like Italian?

Uh...

Chinese?

Uh...

- This is an elevator.

- Really?

I love elevators.

I think they're just wonderful.

I love the way they go up and down.

- Do you?

- Oh, yeah, I think it's great.

Which do you prefer?

Going up...

or going down?

Um...

- Up is fine.

- Really?

I think going down is much more exciting.

Well, yeah, now that you

mention it, down is, uh...

Of course, going up... can be... a thrill.

It depends.

That's what I think.

(Ellen) Wait.

Yeah, up is... Down is...

- Wait, uh... Wait, where...? Where's the...?

- (bell rings)

No, at the back. At the back.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, God!

- Oh, God, I'm so hot.

Wouldn't you prefer...

doing this... lying down?

Uh... yeah, sure. Whatever.

Or maybe... you prefer

doing it standing up.

Um...

Um... I think I better lie down.

Look, just... just slow down.

Just slow down.

- OK.

- Kiss me.

Jonathon... Stop, my hair's stuck.

- Oh. Sorry. OK.

- That's better. That's better.

- Oh, what's...? Wait a minute. The sheet.

- Oh. Sorry. OK.

- How are you doing?

- Oh, good! Good!

Aren't I?

Maybe something's happened to him.

- I thought he'd be back by Friday.

- I can't keep covering for him.

- Where is he?

- How should I know?

You sent the little douche bag

to Rush Street!

- Oh, shut up, you clone.

- Up your tube, geek.

- I'm telling Kennedy.

- Very honourable, Skip.

It's been nice knowin' ya.

Where the hell have you been?

- (wolf-whistling)

- (cheering)

Very impressive, Mr Ogner.

- In a f***ing elevator?

- That was the first time.

I can't stand it!

Oh, it was stuck... between

the 51st and 52nd floor.

- How old is she?

- Oh, God...

mid-thirties.

Oh, God. God!

A f***ing elevator! F***ing ele... Whoa!

Now let's each of us take a moment

to look within ourselves,

and ask for guidance...

and strength.

- Our heavenly Father...

- How big?

..may you look down

on each and every one of us

and give us the will,

the purity of mind, to follow your way.

- What's her name?

- Ellen.

She's a fashion designer. Told her

I'm at Northwestern workin' on my PhD.

And she bought it? And you really...?

Mm-hm.

- Jesus! And she really...?

- Mm-hm.

- Jesus!

- Hey, you wanna be careful?

Aw, man.

Hey! There he is!

- Mr Porno!

- Yeah, the Rush Street Casanova!

- Hey, he's a sex machine.

- The guy is an animal.

It's Dick Man! Able to leap

long fences at a single bound!

Yes, Dick Man!

Oh, you lady-killer!

OK. See ya Monday.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Listen to this.

''One out of every two males experiences

impotence at least once in his late teens.''

One out of two. Holy sh*t.

Well, have a swell weekend.

Give Ellen my love.

(Ellen) Oh!

Oh!

Oh, Jonathon.

(Jonathon) Mm.

Let's do it again. What do you think?

Hm? What do you think?

- Are you ready?

- Mm-hm.

It's called an instant margarita.

- Ready when you are.

- Open.

Swallow.

Swallow!

Do you want some water?

Do you want some water? Open.

- Do you want more?

- Cut it out!

- Just tryin' to help!

- You're dealin' with an animal here.

- Oh, my.

- All right, no more Mr Nice Guy.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

That's it! You wanna play rough?

Huh? You wanna play rough?

I love you.

(Jonathon) A lot of people ruin

a good thing with pressure and strings.

They suffocate each other.

I don't want that kind of relationship.

I don't think you do, either.

You know, Ellen, when I said I loved you,

I didn't mean for you to get the

impression that I actually love you.

It's a cliche one falls back on

in this situation.

What I was trying to say is,

I very much like you,

but we shouldn't exaggerate

the significance of that.

It's... We have a good time together.

Next weekend, why don't I come up?

- Up?

- Yeah. To Northwestern.

We'll stay at your place.

My place? At Northwestern?

Yeah, great. That's a great idea.

When do you wanna come up?

Next weekend.

Uh, yeah, next weekend I won't be there.

I'll be, uh... I'll be in the city.

- Oh. Chicago?

- Yeah. No! No, New York.

I have to attend a seminar.

Well, that's even better.

We'll have a great time.

- In New York?

- We'll do the romantic bullshit routine.

(Jonathon) We'll have a great time.

In New York.

- Wake up, limp dick!

- (groans)

Oh, rise and shine. Come on,

you're gonna be late for chapel.

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