Class Page #4

- Let's go!

- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

Jesus!

What?

You look horrible.

Oh, I don't believe it.

What now?

New York.

I told her I'd meet her in New York.

In New York? Jesus, you're...

What, do you love this chick? Huh?

Does she know you love her?

No, really, does she know you love her?

Does she know you've gone

completely off the deep end?

All's I know is, I gotta find

a seminar in New York.

What are we doing?

- Getting rid of that eyesore.

- I happen to like this eyesore.

(salesman clears throat)

- May I help you?

- Could we try this jacket in his size?

39 regular?

We're not getting rid of it entirely,

we're just giving it a much-needed rest.

- Sir?

- Uh-huh.

- Ma'am.

- OK.

All right.

(salesman) Very nice.

- What do you think?

- Very distinguished.

- Now slacks.

- Mm-hm. May I suggest, uh...

Grey flannel.

31 .

Uh, 30.

- What are you saying about my trousers?

- They speak for themselves.

Sir, you'll find the dressing room

right over there.

Thank you.

Ellen?

Sh*t. Sh*t!

- Sir. Sir!

- (alarm)

Ellen! Ellen!

- Where do you think you're going?

- I have to catch her! Ellen!

Come on.

Come on.

(horn)

Hiya, tiger.

What am I gonna do?

I don't know her number. I don't know her

address. I don't even know her last name.

Knew her pretty well, did you?

I'm sorry. Look, she was bound

to find out about it sooner or later.

Yeah. I just wish it was later, you know.

Christ.

Hey! You gonna spend

the rest of your life in bed?

Don't you think you're takin' this

a little hard? You've gotta go to dinner.

I can't believe you'd forgo

eggplant surprise.

- I'm not hungry.

- That's no reason not to eat the sh*t.

Coming or not? Last chance.

One more chance.

This is your final and last chance.

Leave me alone!

I'll leave you alone. You don't wanna

do anything. You don't wanna...

What a jerk!

Very well done, Mr Jenkins.

Extraordinarily average, Mr Maybaum.

Very nice, Mr Jackson.

Very perceptive, Mr Burroughs.

Too vague, Mr Goobser.

We have something really mediocre here,

Mr Ogner. Let's not keep it up.

Offended all my sensibilities, Mr Ruskin.

(bell rings)

Hey, Jonathon, wait up!

A C-plus - now you've got something

to be depressed about.

- Even Roger got a B-minus.

- I don't give a sh*t.

What'll you do for Christmas? Crucify

yourself? I think you're missing the point.

- Do you?

- I do.

She was beautiful. She was wonderful.

But a f***... It's just a f***.

- Sometimes you're a real a**hole.

- You're not the first guy to be dumped on.

One thing I don't need right now

is the world according to Skippy here.

Do us both a favour, huh? Just shut up.

OK, Mr Depth.

- Wallow in it.

- (bell rings)

- Dammit, Roger, hurry up.

- Don't rush me.

We're playing poker.

You want me to help?

All right, all right. Does a full house beat

a flush or does a flush beat a full house?

You don't even know how to play!

How many times do we have to tell you?

- Come on! Come on!

- (thud)

- What was that?

- (door opens)

It's Jonathon. He's really freakin' out.

Oh, great.

- Jonathon's always freakin' out.

- We gotta redeal.

- Redeal?

- He had to leave.

- So what?

- It's a redeal.

- If it was your cards you wouldn't do it.

- After someone leaves... doesn't count.

- Gimme those cards!

- It's a null game.

No way! No way! Get outta here!

If it was your cards, you wouldn't redeal.

Jonathon!

Jesus Christ! Jonathon!

Jonathon! Jonathon!

Jonathon! Come back, goddammit!

Jonathon, stop!

Shut up! Shut up! Listen, man,

you're gonna get kicked outta here.

You can kiss your f***in' future goodbye,

including Harvard. Do you hear me?

(muffled cry)

Kicked you out, didn't he?

I, uh... I just can't talk about it right now.

My parents give a shitload of money

to this place. Nobody's kickin' you out.

What's done is done.

You dirt clod.

- Harvard accepted you already?

- Headmaster Kennedy said, and I quote,

''Jonathon, you are

a credit to us all'', end quote.

- You saved my life, man.

- You still owe me a blow job.

- You're right. I forgot all about that.

- Jesus, you can't forget these things.

- We're drinkin'. It's on you.

- Yeah, of course.

Ma, we can trim the tree when I get there.

I'm only gonna be gone

the first four days. I mean...

Mom, I'll be home for Christmas.

- No. I gotta go.

- (bell rings)

Yeah, I'll call you when I get there,

I promise. I love you too, yeah. OK, bye.

Oh, Mom!

(# "Little Drummer Boy"

by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts)

# Come, they told me,

pa rum pa pum pum

# A newborn king to see,

pa rum pa pum pum

# Our finest gifts we bring,

pa rum pa pum pum

# To lay before the king,

pa rum pa pum pum

# Rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum

# So to honour him, pa rum pa pum pum

Welcome to Toad Hall.

I have never seen such a vulgar

display of wealth in my entire life.

- How do I get one?

- Well, you can do what we did.

- Bootlegging bought the place.

- Bootlegging?

Uh-huh. Before Gramps went legit.

Huh.

Oh, these are not for you, OK?

- Remember.

- Thanks. I feel like I'm in a museum.

It's not much, but it's home.

- Maggie!

- Skip!

- Hi, gorgeous!

- How you doin'?

Great. I want you to meet Jonathon,

my roommate, and a chronic bed-wetter.

You are not too old for me

to put you over my knee, now.

Really? Oh, do it now, Maggie, do it now.

You're crazy!

No, I got it.

Wow.

- Hey!

- Hey.

You know, this room has always had

a special place in my heart.

Come here.

- I'd better not.

- You'd better.

You wanna get good and ripped for

an evening at home with the Burroughs.

Don't let the old man scare you.

If you wanna get on his good side,

tell him you get a hard-on

for firm government control.

Government control, Jonathon, is

anathema to the free-enterprise system.

Any intelligent person

knows you cannot interfere

with the laws of supply and demand.

I see your point, sir.

That's why I'm not for tariffs.

Right.

No, wrong. You gotta have tariffs. How

you gonna compete with the foreigners?

- Gotta have tariffs.

- Jonathon, how can you be so blind?

(door closes)

We're in here, dear. We're havin' a drink.

Mom?

Mom!

Are these for me?

Here, let me have them.

I want you to meet my roommate

Jonathon. Jonathon, this is my mom.

Uh...

Uh... very nice to meet you,

Mrs Burroughs.

Hello. Hello.

Um... well...

I would like to freshen up, so I...

I think I will freshen up, and, um...

I'll see you all at dinner. Darling.

(Mr Burroughs) Well, let's see, where

were we before... we were interrupted?

Oh, yes. Government interference.

I'm also adamantly opposed to the

government baling out corporations.

Unless it's one of our corporations.

(Mr Burroughs) Hm. Quick.

Pretty quick, huh, Jonathon?

- Chip off the old block.

- Holy f***in' sh*t.

Jonathon?

Yes, sir?

Evidently you and I

have something in common.

Can you guess what that might be?

Leave it, Maggie'll get it. Maggie!

Jonathon.

I, too, was the first boy in my class

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