Class Page #5

at Vernon to be accepted into Harvard.

Jonathon, how wonderful.

Congratulations.

Why don't you try the roast, dear?

It's a superb cut.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Wish we had food like this at old Vermin.

We'd probably have a lot fewer suicides.

If you concentrated more

on studies than jokes,

perhaps you too would've been

accepted into Harvard by now.

Well, uh, Jonathon, back to Harvard.

I imagine this is a very

exciting time in your life.

Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

I bet you are. Well, it's a turning point,

really. If you study hard at Harvard,

you'll be able to write your own ticket.

Darling, get me some more wine,

would you?

Why don't you wait for the last course?

That was quite a display

you put on at the dinner table.

I guess it doesn't matter

what you do in private.

Let me tell you somethin', lady.

As long as you're in this house

with me, representing this family,

you will control that neurosis or whatever

the hell it is you think you've got.

And you'll behave like a Burroughs even

if you don't feel like one. Is that clear?

Jonathon?

Jonathon, I have to talk to you.

What do you want?

- I'm so sorry.

- Sorry?

- Jesus, your son is in the next room!

- I would never have done it

if I'd known who you were.

Look... I... I need to explain.

- No. No, you don't.

- Please.

Jesus, I don't know

what you want from me.

If you want understanding, OK.

I understand.

Would you please hold me? Would you?

No, I can't.

(knocking) Hey, ace, are you awake?

Argh! Sh*t!

Ow! Jesus.

What are you doing?

Uh, I was trying to open

the door for you. I tripped.

What a gonad!

Get dressed.

So, what did you think of dinner?

It's, uh, pretty f***in' entertaining, huh?

Do you ever wonder if

your parents still do it?

Actually, I think my parents

have a pretty normal relationship.

He tells her exactly what to do,

and she ignores him.

I'm never gettin' married.

- Neither am I.

- That'll break a lot of hearts.

- How you doin', Jonathon?

- Good.

Good man.

Who wants to race me to the fence?

- How about you, Skip?

- Whoa!

Come on!

How are you?

I want you off this property today.

- So, how was the snow where you were?

- It was fabulous. We had five inches.

Oh, man. Comin' back here

is depressing enough.

Havin' to face exams

is almost more than I can bear.

Having to examine your face

is almost more than we can bear.

- Funny.

- You're a mindless idiot. I mean it.

You're a wit, Roscoe. You're a true wit.

- See you later.

- OK, bye.

(bugle)

OK, you guys, the kid is back!

- Hey, buddy.

- Miss me?

Do you really think an investigation

of our students is necessary?

Yes, I do. So does the state of Illinois.

I want to see the student files

as soon as possible.

I think the only way

to clear up the problem is...

Is there somebody out there?

Uh, yes, sir. It's, uh, me, sir.

And what can I do for you, Mr Maybaum?

Mrs Hayworth needs your signatures

on here. I mean, your signature.

To sign it.

(yells)

I don't get it! I don't get it!

I don't wanna get it! I hate it!

- Skip.

- No, forget it. There's no way.

I'm a dead man.

Adios, Harvard. Bonjour , Trade Tech.

OK, look, look.

If the area un... Skip.

If the area under the curve

represented by F times the quantity X

is bounded by vertical lines X = sub A

and X = sub B, what do you have to find?

- A gun. It's hopeless.

- (knock at door)

Meeting in Roscoe's room after lights out!

That's in three hours. I better get ready.

All I heard was that he was

talkin' about some investigation.

- What investigation?

- I don't know. That's what I'm tellin' you.

(knocking)

(all mutter) ..five, six, seven, eight.

- Jonathon, telephone.

- (mimicking) Jonathon, telephone.

- Hello?

- (Ellen) Jonathon?

- Oh, God.

- How are you?

- Are you serious?

- Why didn't you say goodbye?

- Look, you ordered me off the property.

- Did I?

- Don't play games with me, huh?

- I have to see you.

Yeah, I can't talk. I gotta go.

- Take care of yourself.

- Yeah. Yeah, you too.

- Why don't we just kill the guy?

- It'd be good if we could.

- Who was it?

- Huh?

On the phone.

Oh.

My mom. The dog died.

No sh*t.

- What does this guy look like?

- Hitler, man. The guy looks like Hitler.

He's got a little moustache and beady

little eyes. He stares right through you.

The bastard never blinks. I was in there

for five minutes, the guy didn't blink once.

He just... stares right through you.

He goes...

Yeah!

All right, so it's me,

Roger, Doug, and Barry.

(knocking)

..five, six, seven, eight.

- Phone again for Jonathon.

- His dog died again.

Shh! OK, look, here's the plan.

This is the bedroom.

There's a window here.

If it's clear, we'll all come around

this corner and go through the window.

- Search for anything.

- Anything.

- Yeah, I'm still here.

- (Ellen) Just to talk. Just for an hour.

- I can't, OK?

- Jonathon.

- Can't.

- Just for an hour.

Please. Come on,

don't call me any more, all right?

Jesus.

(tuneless singing)

OK, let's go.

Come on, come on!

Shh! Get down. Let's go.

- Holy sh*t!

- What?

- Guy's a f***in' narc!

- Shh!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Sh*t! Let's get outta here!

- Is anybody there?

- Go! Go!

Get outta my way!

Get outta my way, dammit!

- Sh*t!

- Come on, man, move it. Go. Go.

Hello?

- When's the bust?

- I don't know!

Raid. Raid, man.

- What's goin' on?

- The guy is a narc.

- You better dump it all!

- I'll never make it through exams now!

Quick!

If you have anything,

you'd better dump it right now.

- How are you gonna flush that?

- Watch me.

Outta my way. I got sh*t to flush here.

Make way, gentlemen, please.

Read 'em and weep.

All right! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

All right! All right! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Jonathon! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Ya-da-da-da-da-da! Ya-da-da-da-da-da!

- Skip! Skip.

- Well?

- You passed.

Passed, my ass, man.

We're number one and two, me and you.

Thanks to you, we're a friggin' genius!

- So we're gonna party our balls off.

- I can't.

- I didn't hear that.

- I gotta go to Chicago.

- Great thinkin'. I own the town.

- No, come on, I'm goin' alone, Skip.

Jesus, not that sh*t again. I told you to

forget about her. You'll never find her.

No, I'm not goin' for that.

I just wanna be alone, OK?

OK.

But next time you're feelin' sad and blue,

don't expect old Skipper here

to put on his big red nose

and floppy shoes just pour vous.

Adios... Mr Morose.

Yeah! Yeah!

Jesus Christ, I'm not the one who calls

you up every week for a month, OK?

Do you understand your son is

my roommate, my best friend, OK?

I can't believe we're arguing about this.

I came here today cos I felt sorry for you.

Where the hell do you get off

talking to me like that?

You don't know anything about me.

You don't know anything about my life.

When I first saw you in that bar...

you were pathetic.

You were a sympathy f***.

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