Clerks.

[ Telephone Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

Hello.

What ?

No, l don't work today.

I'm playing hockey at 2:00.

Why don't you call Randal ?

'Cause I'm f***in' tired !

I just closed last night.

Jesus.

What time do you think

you're gonna come in, 12:00 ?

Be there by 12:
00 ? Where ?

Swear you'll be there by 12:00

and I'll do it.

[ Slurping ]

MUSIC it's a meaningless end

to the story MUSIC

MUSIC Got no time

for the forgotten glory MUSIC

MUSIC And now just

when l know what I'm after MUSIC

MUSIC it just brings me to laughter MUSIC

- MUSIC Just save up

all your nickels and dimes MUSIC

- [ Engine Starts ]

- MUSIC Let's see what you find

and you know MUSIC

- [ Tires Screeching ]

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Just in case you feel

led astray, hell, yeah MUSIC

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Hear what l say, yeah MUSIC

MUSIC Just save up

all your nickels and dimes MUSIC

MUSIC Let's see what you find

and you know MUSIC

MUSIC I'd just die for a piece

of that pie but MUSIC

MUSIC I'll be glad to just feast

on that pie crust MUSIC

MUSIC And now just

when l know what I'm after MUSIC

- MUSIC it just brings me to laughter MUSIC

- Sh*t !

MUSIC Just save up

all your nickels and dimes MUSIC

MUSIC Let's see what you find

and you know MUSIC

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Just so glad to be led astray

Hell, yeah MUSIC

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Hear what l say MUSIC

MUSIC Well MUSIC

MUSIC it's a meaningless end

to the story MUSIC

MUSIC Got no time

for the forgotten glory MUSIC

MUSIC And now just

when l know what I'm after MUSIC

MUSIC it just brings me to laughter MUSIC

MUSIC Just save up

all your nickels and dimes MUSIC

MUSIC Let's see what you find

and you know MUSIC

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Just hopin' to be led astray MUSIC

MUSIC Hell, yeah MUSIC

MUSIC I guess I'm livin' day to day MUSIC

MUSIC Hear what l say

Oh, yeah MUSIC

- MUSIC Ooh-hoo MUSICMUSIC

- Thanks. Have a good one.

- Do you mind if l drink this here ?

- Sure. Go ahead.

- You open ?

- Yeah.

- Pack of cigarettes.

- Are you sure ?

- Am l sure about what ?

- Are you sure ?

- About what ?

- Do you really wanna buy

those cigarettes ?

- Are you serious ?

- How long you been smoking ?

- What is this, a poll ?

- How long you been a smoker ?

I don't know.

Since l was about 13.

Thirteen.

Let's see, you're about 19, 20 ?

- Am l right ?

- What in the hell is that ?

That's your lung.

By this time, your lung looks like this.

- You've gotta be shitting me.

- You think I'm shitting you ?

- Here.

- What's this ?

A trach ring.

It's what they install in your throat

when cancer takes your voice box.

-This one came out of a 60-year-old man.

-Oh, God !

He smoked until the day he died.

- Used to put the cigarette

in this and smoke that way.

- Excuse me, but--

This is where you're heading.

Cruddy lung,

smoking through a hole in your throat.

- Do you really want that ?

- lf it's already too late, l guess--

No, it's never too late.

Put the cigarettes back,

and try some gum instead.

- Here. Chewlies gum. Try this.

- it's not the same.

It's cheaper than cigarettes,

and it certainly beats this.

-Oh, Jesus !

-it's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung.

Keep it.

- I'll just take the gum.

- Fifty-five.

You made a very wise choice.

Keep up the good work.

If you're gonna drink that coffee,

I think you oughta take it outside, huh?

I think I'll drink it in here.

Thanks.

If you're gonna drink it in here,

I'd appreciate it

if you don't bother the customers.

Okay.

I'm sorry about that.

- Pack of cigarettes. What's that ?

- This ?

How long you been smoking ?

MUSIC Kill the drummer MUSIC

MUSIC Kill the bass player

Kill both bass players MUSIC

MUSIC This song is the reason

why I'm now going deaf MUSICMUSIC

Let's kick some ass ! Yeah !

I feel good today, Silent Bob.

We're gonna make some money.

And you know what we're gonna do ?

We're gonna go to that party

and get some p*ssy.

I'm gonna f*** this b*tch,

I'm gonna f*** this b*tch.

I'll f*** anything that moves !

What the f*** you lookin' at ?

I'll kick your f***in' ass !

Sh*t, yeah. Don't that motherf***er

owe me ten bucks ?

You know, tonight we're going

to rip off this f***er's head,

take out his f***in' soul.

Remind me

if he wants to buy something.

I'm gonna sh*t

in the motherf***er's bag.

- [ Girl Laughing ]

- What's up, baby ? What's up, sluts ?

Yeah. So, Bob, you're a rude

motherf***er, you know that ?

You're cute as hell.

I could go down on you, suck you,

Line up three other guys,

make like a circus seal.

Hey, what're you, a f***ing f*ggot ?

I hate guys.

I love women !

What you want, Grizzly Adams ?

You're spending what, 20, maybe 30

dollars a week on your cigarettes ?

- Yeah.

- Forty.

- Fifty-three.

Fifty-three dollars a week

on cigarettes ! Come on !

Would you give somebody

that much money each week to kill you ?

That's what you're doing now by paying

for this so-called privilege to smoke !

We're gonna croak sometime.

It's that mentality that allows

the cancer-producing industry to thrive.

Of course we're all gonna die someday !

Do we have to pay for it ?

Do we have to actually throw hard-earned

dollars down on the counter...

and say, ""Please,

Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please,

""sell me something that will

stink up my breath and clothes,

- and fry my lungs !""

- [ Dante ] Now, wait a second.

Here comes the speech about how he's

just doing his job by following orders.

Let me tell you

about another group of hate-mongers

that were just following orders.

- Who's that ?

- They were called Nazis !

- Yeah, that's right.

- Friggin' Nazi.

They practically wiped

an entire nation off the Earth,

Like your cigarettes are doing now !

- [ Dante ] l think you'd oughta leave.

- You want me to leave. Why ?

'Cause somebody's telling it like it is,

giving these fine people a wake-up call?

- Yeah.

- No, you're loitering

and causing a disturbance.

I'm a disturbance ?

You're the disturbance, pal.

Here, now l am a customer.

I'm gonna buy some Chewlies gum.

I'm a customer engaged in a discussion

with the other customers.

- That's right.

- Smoke my big fat cock !

He's scared now

'cause he sees the threat we present.

He smells the change is coming !

You definitely are the source

in this area, and we're gonna

shut you down for good !

For good, cancer merchant !

[ Chanting ]

Cancer merchant ! Cancer merchant !

Who's leading this mob ?

[ Coughing ]

That guy.

- [ Coughing Continues ]

- [ Woman ] Freeze !

Let's see some credentials.

Slowly !

- You're a Chewlies gum representative ?

- [ Man ] Chewlies ?

You're stirring up anti-smoking

sentiment to, what, sell more gum ?

Get out of here !

And you people-- Don't you have jobs

to go to ? Get out of here. Go commute.

You oughta be ashamed of yourselves.

A bunch of easily led automatons.

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