Clerks Page #14

RANDAL:

Which did you like better: Jedi or

The Empire Strikes Back.

DANTE:

(exasperated)

Empire.

RANDAL:

Blasphemy.

DANTE:

Empire had the better ending: Luke

gets his hand cut off, and finds out

Vader's his father; Han gets frozen

and taken away by Boba Fett. It

ends on such a down note. And that's

life-a series of down endings. All

Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.

RANDAL:

There was something else going on in

Jedi. I never noticed it until today.

RANDAL follows DANTE as he cleans up around the store.

DANTE:

What's that?

RANDAL:

All right, Vader's boss...

DANTE:

The Emperor.

RANDAL:

Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor

is kind of a spiritual figure, yes?

DANTE:

How do you mean?

RANDAL:

Well, he's like the pope for the

dark side of the Force. He's a holy

man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an

evil one.

DANTE:

I guess.

RANDAL:

Now, he's in charge of the Empire.

The Imperial government is under his

control. And the entire galaxy is

under Imperial rule.

DANTE:

Yeah.

RANDAL:

Then wouldn't that logically mean

that it's a theocracy? If the head

of the Empire is a priest of some

sort, then it stands to reason that

the government is therefore one based

on religion.

DANTE:

It would stand to reason, yes.

RANDAL:

Hence, the Empire was a fascist

theocracy, and the rebel forces were

therefore battling religious

persecution.

DANTE:

More or less.

RANDAL:

The only problem is that at no point

in the series did I ever hear Leia

or any of the rebels declare a

particular religious belief.

DANTE:

I think they were Catholics.

A BLUE-COLLAR MAN half enters the door.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN

Are you open?

DANTE:

Yeah. Come in.

He goes to the coffee machine and makes a cup of joe.

RANDAL:

You know what else I noticed in Jedi?

DANTE:

There's more?

RANDAL:

So they build another Death Star,

right?

DANTE:

Yeah.

RANDAL:

Now the first one they built was

completed and fully operational before

the Rebels destroyed it.

DANTE:

Luke blew it up. Give credit where

it's due.

RANDAL:

And the second one was still being

built when they blew it up.

DANTE:

Compliments of Lando Calrissian.

RANDAL:

Something just never sat right with

me the second time they destroyed

it. I could never put my finger on

it-something just wasn't right.

DANTE:

And you figured it out?

RANDAL:

Well, the thing is, the first Death

Star was manned by the Imperial army-

storm troopers, dignitaries-the only

people onboard were Imperials.

DANTE:

Basically.

RANDAL:

So when they blew it up, no prob.

Evil is punished.

DANTE:

And the second time around...?

RANDAL:

The second time around, it wasn't

even finished yet. They were still

under construction.

DANTE:

So?

RANDAL:

A construction job of that magnitude

would require a helluva lot more

manpower than the Imperial army had

to offer. I'll bet there were

independent contractors working on

that thing:
plumbers, aluminum siders,

roofers.

DANTE:

Not just Imperials, is what you're

getting at.

RANDAL:

Exactly. In order to get it built

quickly and quietly they'd hire

anybody who could do the job. Do you

think the average storm trooper knows

how to install a toilet main? All

they know is killing and white

uniforms.

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