Clerks Page #22

CUSTOMER:

When's this period over?

SOMEONE (O.S.)

Eight more minutes!

CUSTOMER:

Are you shitting me? I want to get

cigarettes!

DANTE skids to the sidelines.

DANTE:

(out of breath)

If you can just wait a few more

minutes.

CUSTOMER:

F*** that! I'm gonna break my crazy

neck on this ladder!

SOMEONE (O.S.)

Dante! Where are you?!

CUSTOMER:

He's busy!

DANTE starts to skate away.

DANTE:

I'll be right back. It's almost over.

He jumps back into the game.

CUSTOMER:

What the f*** is this?! I want some

service!

DANTE (O.S.)

In a second!

CUSTOMER:

F*** in a second! This is... Look at

you! You can't even pass!

DANTE (O.S.)

I can pass!

CUSTOMER:

How 'bout covering point!? You suck!

DANTE skids back to the sidelines to address the CUSTOMER.

DANTE:

Who are you to make assessments?

CUSTOMER:

I'll assess all I want!

SOMEONE (O.S.)

DANTE! ARE YOU IN OR OUT!

CUSTOMER:

(to O.C. SOMEONE)

Don't pass to this guy! He sucks!

(to DANTE)

You suck!

DANTE:

Like you're better!

CUSTOMER:

I can whip your ass.

Below, a WOMAN pulls at the door. She peers into the store,

face against the glass.

DANTE (O.S.)

That's easy to say from over here.

CUSTOMER (O.S.)

Give me a stick, pretty boy! I'll

knock your f***ing teeth out and

pass all over your ass.

The WOMAN backs up and, shielding her eyes, looks toward the

roof.

WOMAN:

Is the convenience store open?

Above, DANTE and the CUSTOMER shout down at the O.C. WOMAN.

DANTE AND CUSTOMER

(simultaneously)

NO!

DANTE:

(to CUSTOMER)

There's a stick over there. You're

shooting against the goal.

(to the court)

REDDING! COME OFF AND LET THIS F***

ON!

A new face-off pits DANTE against the CUSTOMER. The ball

drops between the two and DANTE gets flattened. The CUSTOMER

winds up and takes a hard shot. The ball sails off the court,

through the air, and into a faraway yard. DANTE calls to the

sidelines.

DANTE:

Give me another ball.

SOMEONE (O.S.)

There are no more.

DANTE:

What the f*** are you talking about?

How many balls did you bring?

SANFORD skates up to him.

SANFORD:

(counting)

There was the orange ball... and the

orange ball.

DANTE scrambles to the edge and calls over.

DANTE:

Are there any balls down there?!

JAY (O.S.)

'Bout the biggest pair you ever seen!

NYNNE!!

DANTE looks around, hyperventilating.

DANTE:

You only brought one ball?!

SANFORD:

I thought Redding had like three

balls!

REDDING (O.S.)

I thought Dante had the balls.

DANTE:

Nobody has another ball?

SANFORD:

Sh*t!

DANTE:

We get... what... twelve minutes of

game, and it's over? F***! F***!

F***! F***!!

(pause; rubs head)

I'm not even supposed to be here

today!

DANTE skates off.

SANFORD:

We still get free Gatorade, right?

CUT TO:

INT:
CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

DANTE standing on a ladder, replaces a fluorescent light. An

OLD MAN joins him at the foot of the ladder.

OLD MAN:

Be careful.

DANTE:

I'm trying.

OLD MAN:

You know the insides of those are

filled with stuff that gives you

cancer.

DANTE:

So I'm told.

OLD MAN:

I had a friend that used to chew

glass for a living. In the circus.

The light in place, DANTE descends the ladder and closes it.

DANTE:

And he got cancer by chewing

fluorescent bulb glass...?

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