Clerks Page #32

DANTE:

So... what? So we should just make

pretend over the phone that we're

dating?

CAITLIN:

I don't know. Maybe we should just

see what happens.

DANTE:

Let me take you out tonight.

CAITLIN:

You mean, on a date?

DANTE:

Yes. A real date. Dinner and a movie.

CAITLIN:

The Dante Hicks Dinner and a Movie

Date. I think I've been on that one

before.

DANTE:

You have a better suggestion?

CAITLIN:

How about the Caitlin Bree Walk on

the Boardwalk, Then Get Naked

Somewhere Kind of Private Date?

DANTE:

I hear that's a rather popular date.

CAITLIN:

(hits him)

Jerk. Here I am, throwing myself at

you, succumbing to your wily charms,

and you call me a slut, in so many

words.

DANTE:

What about Sing?

CAITLIN:

Sang.

DANTE:

Sang.

CAITLIN:

He's not invited.

DANTE:

He's your fiancé.

CAITLIN:

I offer you my body and you offer me

semantics? He's just a boyfriend,

Dante, and in case you haven't gotten

the drift of why I came all the way

here from Ohio, I'm about to become

single again. And yes-let me placate

your ego-you are the inspiration for

this bold and momentous decision,

for which I'll probably be ostracized

at both school and home. You ask me

who I choose, I choose you.

DANTE:

So what are you saying?

CAITLIN:

You're such an a**hole.

DANTE:

I'm just kidding.

CAITLIN:

I can already tell this isn't going

to work.

DANTE:

I'll ask Randal to close up for me

when he gets back.

CAITLIN:

Where'd he go? I'd have thought

he'd be at your side, like an obedient

lapdog.

DANTE:

He went to rent a movie, but he hasn't

gotten back yet. Ah, screw it; I'll

just lock the store up and leave him

a note.

CAITLIN:

You're too responsible. But no. I

have to go home first. They don't

even know I left school. And I should

break the disengagement news to my

mother, which is going to cause quite

a row, considering she loves Sang.

DANTE:

Who doesn't?

CAITLIN:

Well, me I guess.

(gathering herself to

go)

So, I shall take my leave of you,

but I will return in a little while,

at which time-yes-I would love to go

for dinner and a movie with you.

DANTE:

What happened to the walk and the

nakedness?

CAITLIN:

I'm easy, but I'm not that easy.

(she kisses his cheek)

See you later, handsome.

DANTE watches her leave. He then explodes in jubilance.

DANTE:

YES!

CUT TO:

INT:
CONVENIENCE STORE. NIGHT

DANTE looks ahead, dreamily, half-spinning in his chair.

RANDAL enters carrying videos.

RANDAL:

Get to work.

DANTE:

(takes videos)

What'd you rent?

(reads)

Best of Both Worlds?

RANDAL:

Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with

both organs. You should see the box:

Beautiful women with d*cks that put

mine to shame.

DANTE:

And this is what you rented?

RANDAL:

I like to expand my horizons.

DANTE:

I got fined for selling cigarettes

to a minor.

RANDAL:

No way!

DANTE:

Five hundred dollars.

RANDAL:

You're bullshitting.

DANTE hands him the summons. RANDAL reads it.

RANDAL:

I didn't think they even enforced

this.

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