Clockwise Page #2

---

You said Norwich...

That's Plymouth!

You didn't want Norwich?

The speech!

Speech? What, now?

Wait! Stop!

They've asked me to do some damned

silly things as I've stood 'ere,

but no one's ever asked me to

make a speech before.

Come on! Try this one then.

Plymouth, this one.

The speech...

Please, could you give me

the speech?

Right!

He's back.

You want the speech before

you go, do you?

"My lords, ladies and gentlemen..."

The next one to Norwich?

- 2:
47, change at Peterborough.

- Oh!

He didn't like it.

Gwenda!

Gwenda, wait!

Keep going, governor; it's never

too late till the last moment's come...

just so long...

just so long as your wife

hasn't taken the car!

Gwenda!

Where the hell is she?

Oh, you're here. Where's Mum?

- Don't tell me at the school.

- Yeah, I think she's...

I know she was at the school, you idiot. Where'd

she go after that? Don't say the station!

Yeah, I think she said...

God, give me strength!

But where is she now?

She's not at the hospital? She's not...

- ...driving old ladies around the countryside?

- Dunno, she might have said...

She's at the hospital!

Why aren't you at school?

- Ah, well, I've got a...

You've got a free, of course you've got a free.

Only you haven't got a free...

- No, I've got a...

- You've got a study period!

I've got a hangover!

Taxi, taxi, taxi!

Please sir, I'm terribly sorry Mr Stimpson.

Laura?

I'm sorry, Mr Stimpson,

I've got a free...

Right! Laura, hospital.

Right...

Not far out of your way.

It's not a free, Laura, it's a

study period.

Study periods are not frees.

This is your parents' car,

is it Laura?

They don't mind.

You've got A levels this year, Laura, you shouldn't

be driving around in study periods; you're a prefect.

You should be setting an example.

Right... Left!

Right, wait here.

Do you mind waiting? I don't know

where she goes.

I'm only missing biology.

Mind the step.

So, she said:

"Elly, it's no use letting Lou have the

sherry glasses...

"She won't appreciate them,

she won't polish them...

"You know what she's like." So I said:

"Well, all right...

"I've no desire to burden people with

possessions they don't want," I said.

"That's not my intention and

never has been."

So naturally, she thought that if

the sherry glasses aren't going to Lou,

they'd be going to Pam.

But I thought to myself:

"Wait a moment, Elly..."

Keep moving Mrs Trellis,

nearly there.

"Hold on a moment, Elly," I thought.

Are we going to the hospital?

We're at the hospital, Mrs Wheel.

We're just going to have a

little look at the country.

How lovely? Ooh, isn't that lovely?

"Not so fast, Elly," I thought.

"If Pam gets them, she'll give them

to Babs...,

"and we all know what she'll do

with them."

Aren't we lucky!

Are we going to the hospital?

Don't worry, Mrs Wheel.

We'll come back to the hospital after

we've had a little look at the countryside.

And then I thought:

"Well, hold on...

"Millie's living in Majorca.

"Well what on Earth is she going to do

with two dozen sherry glasses?

But I thought:
"Even if she wants them,

how should I get them to her?"

Aren't we lucky people!

Maybe I'm old-fashioned,

maybe I don't understand

modern ideas about...

We've missed her. She's gone!

Which way then?

Left or right, Mr Stimpson?

Laura, Laura. Will you drive

me to Norwich?

Okay. Where is it?

It's vital, you see. I shouldn't ask you otherwise.

It's the headmasters' conference.

I'm the first headmaster

of a maintained comprehensive school

ever, in the whole of history, to become

Chairman of the Headmasters' Conference.

- Just tell me where it is.

- It's not far.

Not all that far.

Not too far.

Left or right?

Oh, right...

Left!

No, no... right... right.

- 163 miles...

- Right.

We'll have to ring your mum.

Ah. They've got a phone here.

I'd better speak to her myself.

I'll do it.

I mean, non if she's the slightest

bit worried about it, Laura...

I'll pay for the petrol, of course.

This is a historic moment.

We are going a long way...

We have come a long way...

We are going 163 miles...

John, listen to me, Im going away.

It's over.

No, Norwich.

...if I may be personal for a moment.

I was feeling deeply historic...

Five years ago, if I may be

historic for a moment...

I was feeling deeply humble.

An overawed master from an

obscure comprehensive school.

Every time she comes to the house,

she makes some little remark...

"Oh Elly," she goes,

"it does take you ages to dust all your glasses...

I don't know how you do it.

"I'm sure I shouldn't like to have

all those glasses to dust."

She goes on and on about

those glasses, never stops.

I sometimes wonder if she ever

thinks about anything else.

She certainly never talks about

anything else.

Of course, I don't say a word.

I'm not much of a talker. There's plenty

I could say if I wanted to.

Well, like that clock...

that came to her,

not that she's ever wound it.

Not that she's so much as looked

at it, from that day to this.

Laura, what did she say?

Oh, it's okay.

...got rooms in that house so filled with things that you

can't open the door. Doesn't know what she's got herself.

I feel very badly about this Laura.

What are you missing?

- You're missing double biology!

- I don't mind.

You should mind. You've got A levels

and I'm taking you out of double biology.

Laura, you're going to discover that life

is full of the most terrible moral choices.

In fact I said to her the other day:

I said, "you know what's going

to happen, don't you?

"Someone's got to sort this lot out when you've

gone, and it won't be Dibs, it won't be Lou...

"oh dear, no, it'll be me!"

But no one pays attention to what anyone

says; I don't know why I waste my breath.

I can tell you she's got a clock in that

house that came from Mother

that's worth every penny of 100.

It's never been wound from

that day to this.

So when she's in the house

the other day...

That bloke with the doll, did they pay?

They didn't pay!

They've never paid.

Blue 1100, was it?

Laura Wisely!

She lives round the corner.

She's one of his pupils.

How lovely!

I saw the train leave.

Isn't that lovely?

The number! The number!

I don't believe this;

there goes another one!

Don't worry, it's okay. Honestly.

If Thomas Tompion is a success story,

it is because we insist

upon certain traditional standards.

Speech.

It's on the train.

I should like at this point, if I may,

to pause for three hours

to pause for

say three-and-a-half hours

three-and-a-half into 160...

It's a good thing, actually.

If you hadn't have come along,

I might not be here now.

I had this great row

with this bloke.

I run back to the house and I saw the

car keys, and I thought, "Right!"

We all understand, I think, that

lateness is a discourtesy to others.

What is sometimes forgotten

these days

is that it is three-and-a-half into 16

It's about 50 miles an hour.

He didn't like it when I told him

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes