Cloud 9 Page #2

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too, at Pepperdine.

- What happened?

- They had better sidewalks at USC...

and I wanted

to be a skateboarder.

So, you know.

Check these out.

- Don't you wear elbow pads?

- I do.

Hello? Yes, I was wondering

how much it costs to enter a team into one...

A hundred dollars? Okay, somebody'll

be by this afternoon. Thank you.

Jackson Fargo,

reporting for duty, dude.

How many fingers? Well?

I don't want to play this game.

Yes. Yes.

Goddamn.

F*** college.

Help!

Help!

Hi.

- Hey. I'm Jackson.

- I'm Crystal.

Well, you look... very nice.

Thanks.

- These are balls.

- Oh, we know all about balls.

I'm happy for you.

These are volleyballs.

- Volleyball is kind of...

- Ah, we know how to play "wolleyball."

Fine. So we have Champagne and, uh...

- Olga!

- Olga, right. And where's Crystal?

Jackson! Work is over here!

Uh, you gotta go

to the thing.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Hey, chief. I'm sorry.

I was checking out the roster.

Now, this is Jackson Fargo.

- What's up?

- Hello, Fargo.

He's the assistant coach.

Now, Jackson...

Jackson played...

varsity volleyball in the Pac-10.

He's a legend in volleyball, so I want you

to listen carefully to everything he says...

because he's very, very bright.

How many balls

do I have in my hand?

- Uh, Billy, I'm not driving.

- Oh, good.

Yo, here comes the new girl.

Mamacita, what's up?

You ready to take care

ofbusiness?

Come. Mi casa.

- Hi, I'm Billy Cole. I'm the head coach.

- I'm Corazon.

Nice hands.

Very... Very strong.

- You could be a hitter.

- Oh, s, seor.

Let's kick some rich, white, "hire my cousin

for minimum wage," Westside ass.

Hey, gringo, are you coming?

That's attitude.

Get the gum.

Let's get a nice volley going.

Control the ball, Champagne.

Keep your feet moving, guys.

Good serve.

Whoo-hoo!

- Are you kiddin' me?

Bend over. Show me that thing.

- God!

I like that hand motion.

Lose your suit

while you're at it.

Why don't you let some real pros

show you how it's done?

Hey, guys.

Enjoy yourself. You know,

it's a free beach. Do whatever you want.

Enjoy yourself,

but, uh, you're just...

you're right on the borderline

of becoming a**holes.

Whoa! What's the problem there,

pimp daddy?

No, no, no, no. I'm the pimp,

he's the daddy. We're a team.

Billy, uh, you guys got a problem?

Yeah. What are you

gonna do about it, stoner?

- Dude, I'm gonna kick your ass, man.

- Hey, hey, hey.

It's okay, Jackson.

Hey, Crystal.

- Yeah.

- Why don't we show these boys how we play balls?

Oof!

- Yeah, let's do that.

- Now you're talking.

Yeah, yeah.

- Play to seven.

- Ease back, ladies and gentlemen. We got a game.

Yeah, you're goin' down!

- That's how you do it. That's a start.

- Yeah.

Aha!

This is not good

for their confidence.

- You gotta believe, Pop. It's comin' together.

- Yeah.

- Look, see?

- Hmm. Yeah.

Come on!

Show these punks who's boss!

Good, very good.

- You got lucky. You got lucky.

- All right. All right.

Let's teach these

pendejos a lesson.

Yeah. You got it, girl.

All right, girl,

let's see what you've got now. Whoo!

Hey, boys!

- Uuh!

- Dude!

Well, I guess that's game.

We won!

Yes!

I can't believe it!

She broke my freakin' nose!

- Come on. Let's get out of here. Come on.

- Yeah, I wanna go home.

Crystal!

Yes, Billy?

- Nice rack.

Cocaptains.

- Is that good?

- You see what we did?

We worked on that move for a long...

That's one of those wardrobe malfunctions.

Excuse me.

Are you their manager?

- Who wants to know?

- We're throwing a bachelor party...

and we were wondering how much

to book the volleyball team.

- Billy Cole... manager, coach, agent.

- Pleasure.

I don't know if we can really afford 'em.

We only have two grand.

- Most of that's going to booze.

- You said two grand?

- Yeah.

- Hey, Pop, I was thinkin'...

I don't think you've met my social director.

He's the best party planner in Malibu.

This man has thrown parties for...

Well, Heidi Fleiss.

She just went, "Oh, please, stop.

Stop, I'm exhausted."

Ben Affleck said,

"No more broads, please."

What did Ben and Heidi cost?

- That's about 500.

- Two... Two grand.

I forgot to carry the one.

That's 2,000 and gas tax.

Yeah, 2,000. Yeah.

We make it B.Y.O.B.

- It's totally worth it. We should talk.

- We should talk.

Well, sir, you come this way

to Mr. Cole's limo. Yeah.

Okay.

- Cash.

- Let me get that gate for you.

This homeland security thing.

Please put your hands together

for the ice princess, Olga!

Put your hands together

for the lovely Corazon.

Champagne!

Put your hands together

for Crystal!

Man, look at all

these dead presidents.

- How much we make?

- I don't know, Pop.

My hands are cramping from

counting all this money, but I'm

gonna go ahead and say, "a lot."

Ah, champagne. Where we get this?

Got it out of the back of your limo.

I figured we deserved a celebration.

Well, you know what? I guess we do, man.

I gotta say something for you, Pops.

You... You're amazing!

First you had the best-looking

roller-derby team in America and now this.

They weren't all pretty, those gals.

Remember Daisy?

Ooh, that was an ugly woman. She used

to cry, and the tears ran to the back ofher head.

- Mm.

- Did we ever find out if she was a dude or not?

Yeah, I did find out...

but l... I don't particularly want to

discuss that story.

Hey, Pop, look, maybe it's

somethin' I'm missin', but...

these are some beautiful broads,

but they ain't athletes.

How the hell are they gonna compete

against somebody like a Christina Hansen?

They don't have to.

You don't take a show horse

and run it against a thoroughbred.

We don't need athletes,

we just need beauties.

These are billboards

for every man's fantasy...

and for you and me...

they are cold, hard cash.

- Let's work on our game.

- I thought we were supposed to hit it over the net.

- Where the hell have you been?

- My bad.

Don't kick it.

It's called volleyball.

Where the hell you been?

Sorry I'm late, man.

I was just checking out Bruce Bruce.

He's doing a huge,

naughty beach party, man.

- Who-Who is Bru-Bruce Bruce?

- Bruce Bruce, man. He's a veejay.

He's doin' a naughty beach party.

He's doin' this TV show.

They're live on TV, like, 24/7, man.

- Live... You mean, like, in the Super Bowl live?

- Yeah, man.

Oh. Well, I tell you what.

I want you to take the girls

and run them down to Bruce Bruce.

Okay? And then they'll be

on live television. Get it?

- You know, I want them to be live. Get it?

- I got it.

- Got it? He doesn't get it.

- I got it.

Yo, yo, yo! We're live. We're having

a Malibu Beach party right here.

We have the hottest videos, the hottest girls,

right here on Malibu Beach.

- Hi, boys! Hi!

- Whoo-hoo!

Hey, don't look at me!

Get the girl!

Whoo!

Those are the...

Those are the girls.

It's Champagne. She's supposed to be

at work in 20 minutes. What is she doing?

I'm a big fan of Brucie Bruce...

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