Club Dread

[Screaming, Laughing]

I can't believe

you invited that guy.

[Mock English Accent]

He's such a bloody wanker.

Oh, cut it out, Rolo. God!

Why are you always makin' fun of him?

Give me a break. Sissy Brit.

- Who the hell talks like that?

- [Laughing]

- You're such a jerk, Rolo.

- You're gonna love this sh*t.

[Chuckles]

Pure Costa Rica Freaka.

- Ow!

- Hey, Stacy...

while I torch this baby,

how about you lick my chest?

Oh.

[Chuckles]

- [Chuckling]

- [Twig Snaps]

- Hey, what about my nipples?

- Shut up! Someone's watching us.

A peeper, huh?

My kind of guy.

- Rolo, I'm serious. It creeped me out.

- All right, all right.

I know a place more private...

- and romantic.

- Oh. [Chuckles]

Ow!

Check it out.

- What do you think?

- Ooh!

Should we be doin' this here?

I mean, isn't this, like,

sacred or something?

What? No, they're dead.

You got any objections, Ricky?

[Spanish Accent]

I think you should give it to her, senor.

- [Laughing]

- [Bushes Rustling]

There he is again.

This guy's gonna be

picking his teeth out of my dump.

- [Yells]

- [Stacy Gasps]

Stacy, this guy doesn't even have teeth.

- [Chuckling]

- [Screeching]

[Both Scream]

Watch the hair, a**hole!

- [Stacy Laughing]

- Goddamn monkeys.

- [Roars]

- [Screams]

[Gasps, Laughs]

Oh, my God!

Who needs a love potion?

I whipped up something extra tasty.

Ow!

So, where are we gonna do this?

I don't wanna get caught

in the middle of a cemetery.

Let's at least go inside

that old mausoleum.

Mm-hmm.

- Wow.

- [Chuckling]

- Wow.

- Check this out.

[Laughs]

[Yelling]

[Grunting, Laughing]

Oh. Looks like

we don't need you anymore.

[Both Moaning]

- [Door Closes]

- [Both Scream]

[Rolo]

What the...

It was probably just the wind.

Okay, we're back in.

- [Rolo Chuckles]

- Whoo!

Heads or tails?

- Mmm... heads.

- Oh!

- What's "tails"?

- You don't wanna know.

[Moaning]

[Sword Unsheathing]

What is it? Too waxy?

Shh. I heard something.

Was it, um,

a strange sucking sound?

[Chuckles]

Oh!

Say, what do you think about smacking

me in the face a couple of times?

Not hard.

Well, kinda hard.

[Chuckles]

What do you say?

- No.

- Oh, come on.

- No!

- Oh, come on, Kelly.

- It's not like I'm asking you

to eat my crap.

- No!

- Just slug me.

- [Both Screaming]

- Over here!

- No, this way!

[Gasping]

[Screaming]

[Panting]

- ##[Reggae, Distant]

- [Chattering, Distant]

[Gasps]

- [Horn Blowing]

- ## [Soft Rock]

[Man]

All right. Here we go.

## [Continues]

[Over P.A.] Welcome to Pleasure Island!

I'm your host, Coconut Pete.

Put your bags down and meet me

at the pool for a nice drink.

Are you ready

for the time of your life?

Yeah, fiesta time!

Are you ready to party?

- Buenos dias! Lars Brunckhorst.

- Right this way, my friend.

- Welcome to the island.

Please, keep walking.

- Listen, l...

[Man]Are you ready to party?

Come on, now!

Party!

Who'd like to party?

- Hey, Lars Brunckhorst.

- Time to party. Welcome to the party.

- Lars Brunckhorst.

- Follow the officer.

Just follow the officer.

- Follow the officer. Follow the officer.

- You don't understand...

Whoo-hoo! Welcome

to Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island!

Now, you are here to have fun.

If you choose not to have fun,

fun will be provided for you.

[Cheering]

Whoo-hoo!

All right, let's go have some fun

now, huh? Bring it down. Bring it down.

- Left, right! Left, right!

- Hey, General. Lars Brunckhorst. Listen...

- Nice f***in' hat, p*ssy!

- Hey, you got that bag of grass

I loaned you?

Ooh, sorry. You know how it is.

Let me know

when you score some more.

[Chuckles]

Ooh!

Hey, you. I'm sorry I'm late.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, all right. Go on.

[Woman] Who wants drinks?

Drinks, drinks, drinks.

- [Man] Yeah, I like that!

- [Woman] Bring it on!

Hey, Dave. Hey, Carlos.

- Hola, Kelly.

- Think you could put a little

something extra in my drinks?

I know ex-actly what you need.

- There you go.

- [Whistling]

If anyone else is eager

to share the ex-perience...

I'll be around this e-vening...

- and we'll be ex-pecting them.

- Okay, okay, okay. I get it.

Put it on my tab.

- Hey, at least give me

one of those margaritas.

- Sorry.

They're so spoken for.

[Laughs]

[Mouthing Words]

We're gonna go for a quick romp

in the jungle before the pool party.

[English Accent]

Oh, I don't know, Stace.

I have to play tennis soon,

and, well, to be honest...

that stretch of the jungle gives me an

extraordinary case of the wonky britches.

Sweet Jesus,

you're an F-cake, Putman.

- [Gasps]

- What the hell?

You were just telling me

what a nut-cup this guy is.

[Stacy]

I did not!

[Man Over P.A.]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

- your host and rock and roll's

favorite son...

- ## [Guitar]

Coconut Pete!

[Applause]

[Coconut Pete]

Welcome to Pleasure Island!

[Man Over P.A.]

Whoo-hoo!

I love you, Coconut Pete!

Oh! Well, I guess

you all heard this one, huh?

- [Cheering]

- Back you go, dickweed!

I guess you also know

that I took this song and turned it...

into a beautiful reality.

- This gorgeous group of people

behind me is our staff.

- [Cheering]

And they're here to take care of you

in more ways than one!

Now, you came here to

escape civilization...

and we're gonna hold you to it.

Your cell phones won't work here.

There are no fax machines...

and most importantly of all,

no strings attached!

[Cheering]

[Horn Blowing]

[Blowing Whistle]

Coconut Pete, you're under arrest!

What are the charges, officer?

For keeping these people from enjoying

free drinks at the pool from noon to 3:00!

- [Cheering]

- That would be a crime!

Well, you heard the man.

Free drinks at the pool!

Last one in

is a rotten coconut!

[Animals Chittering]

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Panting]

- Are you all right?

Yeah. That thing just scared me a little.

It's just Welkie, the Welcome Gorilla.

These two idiots were trying to hump him,

so I thought I'd stash him out here.

- I'm Jenny.

- I'm Penelope.

I'm a little lost.

You look familiar.

Have you ever been here before?

Oh, yeah. Um, well, no.

Huh.

So where are you from?

- Uh, Nome, Alaska?

- Hmm.

I guess you just have

one of those faces.

- [Chuckles]

- Just take a right up there

to get to the big path.

But you better hurry.

You'll miss the drinks by the pool.

## [Reggae]

[Man] Oh, Manny,

look at the chassis on this one.

Oh, dude.

Wanna get nailed?

Hot dudes lookin'

for some gander juice.

Yeah!

- Okay, maybe later. Yeah.

- I'll get back to you.

Oh, dude, look at that one, dude.

Green bikini? Oh, dude.

- Look at that little cheetah.

- Hair pie.

- [Grunting]

- [Barks]

- Jackie O'Tripod.

- Dude, what...

Oh, dude, check out that

orange bikini, dude.

Oh, dude, come on.

- Do you want to be drilled by Manny?

- [Grunting]

[Laughing]

Bogey. Bogey.

- 12:
00 noon.

- Holy sh*t, dude.

I know that chick.

That's the chick on that TV show...

- A.M. Pump Up With Amy Aerobics.

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