Club Paradise Page #2

Life is full of miracles.

I'm afraid it will take more than a miracle.

Listen to me, Ernest.

There is a new wind

blowing across Saint Nicholas.

I smelled it the minute you walked in.

It's businessmen.

You and your bankers and your lawyers...

are trying to business me out of here.

Now, if you're not drinking and

you're not dancing, you better be going.

Still. Still. Stay.

Take that...

Two weeks.

Then I'll crush you like a cigarette butt.

And I haven't forgotten you,

Mr. Hook and Ladder Man.

- Fireball!

- Easy.

You're not going out there unless

you got a machine gun under that shirt.

- Now, you need a lawyer.

- I don't need a lawyer, man. I need money.

Cool vibes, everyone. Part yourselves.

What was all that about?

Oh, the usual. Corruption. Injustice.

The club's doing great.

What's the problem?

The problem is,

my friend's a little behind on his taxes.

About 300 years behind.

He's gonna lose the club.

That's too bad.

This looks like a great beach.

You know, with a bit of paint

and some new shutters...

somebody could really make

something out of that. Don't you think?

Yeah. With some gasoline

and a few matches...

I could turn it

into really good insurance fire.

Don't you have any ambition? Surely,

you must want something out of life.

- Yeah.

- Get off.

Cleveland, get your thumb out of my soup.

What am I paying you for?

Go change the gloves, will you?

I told him a million times.

And this noise.

Is this guy any good or what?

- Oh, yes. He's real good.

- He's real loud.

Ernest! Great. Stop. Have I heard enough.

Come on down and we'll talk.

But you guys are good, very good.

- Thank you.

- Very hip. Too hip.

You can't be too hip, Mr. Zerbe.

For the crowd I get here, they want

to hear Yellow Bird In a Banana Tree.

I could get two guys playing garbage cans,

and they'd be happy. They'd smile.

But you guys... I don't know.

You're too political.

I got more songs, you know.

Ernest, I know this business...

and a guy who just paid

$32 for a bad Veal Oscar...

doesn't want to know the band is angry.

But you keep playing at your own club.

- How's it going over there?

- They're trying to take my hotel.

Ernest, that is not a hotel. This is a hotel.

What you've got over there

is a nice beach with a few rooms...

that Marlin Perkins

would be afraid to go in.

You know, if you were smart, you'd sell

that place to me and get out of here.

Sure, you kidding? A guy like you

in New York with money in his pocket?

Oh, forget it. Take my advice, sell it.

I'll say this for you, Mr. Zerbe.

You've got style. But it's not for me.

- Think it over. I gotta go. So good luck.

- See you around.

- So this is my room.

- Very nice.

This is still my room. And this...

is the guest bedroom.

It's for rent, you know.

Inexpensive, very cheap. In fact, free.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna pay you.

No, thanks. If I wanted to be kept,

I'd pick someone with better prospects.

For your information, you are looking

at a future partner in Club Paradise.

I can't believe it. I thought you were...

completely stuck

in your premature retirement fantasy.

Well, I've got lots of fantasies.

You and your socks.

Me running a club in the tropics.

People winging in from all over the world.

Toilets backing up, guests complaining,

checks bouncing.

This is the Third World, Jack.

It's not that easy.

That's always bothered me

about the Third World.

I could never figure out

where the other two worlds were.

Come on, Philadelphia, stay here.

Have a decent job.

Work for me. I might even pay you.

Yeah, but Toby and the others

are sailing on to Martinique on Saturday.

I'm meant to be going with them.

Darling, darling, darling. Forget Toby.

The man has the warmth of a snow pea.

Come on, you can live here...

and you can leave whenever you wish.

And you won't even

have to make love to me.

- But you'll want to.

- Oh, really?

Maybe not right away.

Oh, I don't know, Jack.

It might be fun for a while...

No. Fun is not even the word for it.

We are talking major life experience.

- That's what I'm afraid of.

- No, no, no.

I'm talking major passion.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm talking time and a half for overtime...

plus medical, dental...

Well, why didn't you say so?

- Randy, I think this is the place.

- Okay.

- That's it?

- Yeah. Isn't that where you wanna go?

And look at this. Look at that buffet.

Hot buffet. I say, let's go.

- All right, we're going.

- Okay.

So my uncle and I

are going down to the islands...

for a couple of weeks.

You want to come with us?

I just got this brochure on my desk...

about a place called Saint Nicholas.

You ever heard of it?

Do you know where it is?

"ln the ocean somewhere." Right.

Oh, God! Could we go there?

Girls!

Get back to work!

This is exciting. I love small planes.

Honey, can you just ask him

how much longer we'll be circling?

Honey, this is the man's business.

I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Honey, just ask him.

Oh, all right.

- How much farther is it?

- I don't know.

A couple more inches, I think.

If I could just find a hole.

- Just find the island, okay?

- Get back to your seat!

There's a break in the clouds!

I'm going for it!

We're out! We're out!

Now where the hell's the airport?

Isn't that the runway?

Jeez, I hope not. If that runway

was any shorter, it'd be a patio.

Just land this plane!

Stall out! Stall out!

- I don't hear any engines.

- Maybe it's a glider.

I'd like to thank you

and ask that you remain seated...

with your seatbelt securely fastened...

until the aircraft has come

to a complete... Brake pressure!

Bushes!

All right! Okay!

I made it!

- I made it!

- What's your name?

I made it! Okay!

- Remind me to get a new pilot.

- Did you see that?

- You bet.

- Let's go.

One, two, three, showtime.

Sol, what is it? Are you all right?

You look like you ate a ghost.

- Someone paid his taxes.

- Who?

The fireman, Moniker.

What kind of name is Moniker?

Sol, I hope we're not

gonna blow this thing...

just because some hippies want to do

bed-and-breakfast on the beach.

- Sol, you gotta get them out of there.

- I will chew on their livers.

Please, Sol, I hate liver. Relax.

What do you want?

You want heat prostration?

We'll work it out.

They'll be gone in no time.

It'll take more than paint and new grass

on the roof to turn that place around.

Come on, they're waiting for us.

- Did you enjoy the trip?

- No, I didn't.

Really?

Terry, I think you'll find

when you travel a little bit more...

that things are different

here in the Third World.

- Actually, I travel a lot.

- Really? What do you do?

I review resorts and hotels

for The New York Times travel section.

- No.

- Yes.

Enjoy.

I'll handle this. I'll look after it.

Hey, red, what do you say,

you want to join us for a colada?

Frankly, I'd rather be drawn and quartered.

Kinky!

Drawn and quartered. I think

we're going to need two other guys.

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