Clueless

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# Looking out a dirty, old window?

# Outside the cars in the city

go rushing by?

# I sit here alone, and I wonder why?

# Friday night and everyone's moving?

# I can feel the heat?

# But it's soothing?

# Heading down?

# I search for the beat

in this dirty town?

# Downtown, the young ones are going?

# Downtown, the young ones are growing?

# We're the kids in America?

# We're the kids in America?

So, O.K., you're probably going,

Is this, like,

a Noxema commercial or what?

But seriously,

I actually have a way normal life

for a teenage girl.

I mean, I get up, I brush my teeth.

And I pick out my school clothes.

# They do it over there?

# But we don't do it here?

# Ooh, bop?

# Fashion?

# Turn to the left?

# Fashion?

# Turn to the right?

# Ooh, fashion?

Daddy's a litigator.

Those are the scariest kinds of lawyers.

Even Lucy, our maid,

is terrified of him.

And Daddy is so good,

he gets $500 an hour

to fight with people.

He fights with me for free.

Daddy!

Cher, please don't start

with the juice again.

Daddy, you need your Vitamin C.

Where's my briefcase?

It's been a couple months now.

Let's go to Malibu.

Don't tell me those lowlifes

have been calling again.

They are your parents.

Don't sneak out of the office.

Dr. Lovett's giving you a flu shot.

Josh is coming for dinner.

Why?

He's your stepbrother!

You were hardly married to his mother.

Why do I have to see Josh?

You divorce wives, not children.

Here.

Forget it!

Did I show you

the loqued out Jeep Daddy got me?

It's got four-wheel drive,

dual side airbags,

and a monster sound system.

I don't have a license yet,

but I need something to learn on.

Boy! That came out of nowhere!

Here's where Dionne lives.

She's my friend

because we both know what it's like

to have people jealous of us.

- Girlfriend!

- I must give her snaps

for her courageous fashion efforts.

Hey, Cher.

Dionne and I were both named

after great singers of the past

who now do infomercials.

So?

Been shopping with Dr. Seuss?

I wouldn't skin a collie for a backpack.

It's faux.

Hello! That was a stop sign.

I totally paused.

Yeah. O.K.

It's not even 8:
30,

and Murray is paging me.

He is so possessive.

This weekend he called me,

and he's all, Where were you today?

Dionne and her boyfriend Murray

are in this dramatic relationship.

I think they've seen

that Ike and Tina Turner movie

just too many times.

Now, I have to say to her...

Why do you put up with it?

You could do better.

I know. Shh. Here he comes.

Woman, why don't you

be answering any of my pages?

I hate when you call me woman.

Where you been all weekend?

You jeepin' behind my back?

Jeepin'.

No! But speaking of vehicular sex,

perhaps you can explain

how this Kmart hair extension

got into the backseat of your car.

I don't know where that came from.

That looks like one of

your stringy something or anothers.

I do not wear polyester hair, O.K.?

Unlike Shawanna.

Dee, I'm Audi.

Bye.

That's it. I've had it with you.

Is it that time of the month again?

I don't know why

Dionne's going out

with a high school boy.

They're like dogs.

You have to clean them and feed them.

They're just like

these nervous creatures

that jump and slobber all over you.

Ew! Get off of me!

Oh, as if!

Should all oppressed people

be allowed refuge in America?

Amber will take the con position.

Cher will be pro.

Cher, two minutes.

So. O.K.

Like, right now, for example,

the Haiti-ans need to come to America.

Some people are all,

What about

the strain on our resources?

Like, when I had this garden party

for my father's birthday, right?

I said RSVP because

it was a sit-down dinner.

But people came that,

like, did not RSVP,

so I was, like, totally buggin'.

I had to haul ass to the kitchen,

redistribute the food,

squish in extra place settings.

By the end of the day,

it was, like, the more the merrier.

So if the government

could just get to the kitchen,

rearrange some things,

we could certainly

party with the Haiti-ans.

May I remind you

that it does not say RSVP

on the Statue of Liberty?

- Whoo!

- Yeah!

Thank you very much.

Amber, reply?

Mr. Hall, how can I answer that?

The topic is Haiti,

and she's talking about

some little party.

Hello! It was his 50th birthday.

Whatever.

If she doesn't do the assignment,

I can't do mine.

Ladies.

So, does anyone have

any further thoughts on Cher's oration?

Elton, comments?

Yeah, I can't find

my Cranberries CD.

I got to go to the quad

before somebody snags it.

I'm afraid I can't permit that.

Any further insights?

I have an insight, Mr. Hall.

I'm all ears.

O.K., like, the way I feel

about the Rolling Stones

is the way my kids are going

to feel about Nine Inch Nails,

so I really shouldn't torment

my mom anymore, huh?

Yes, well, it's a little

off the subject of Haiti,

but tolerance is always a good lesson.

Even when it comes out of nowhere.

And with that in mind,

I'm going to distribute

your report cards.

Now, is there

a Christian Stovitz in this class?

Mr. Hall, the buzz on Christian

is that his parents have joint custody.

He'll be spending

one semester in Chicago

and one semester here.

I think it is a travesty

of the legal profession.

Thank you for that perspective, Cher.

Could all conversations

please come to a halt?

And could the suicide attempts

please be postponed

till the next period?

Suddenly, a dark cloud

settled over first period.

I got a C in Debate?

Dee?

Did you get your report card?

Yeah. I'm toast. How did you do?

I totally choked.

My father's going to

go ballistic on me.

Mr. Hall was way harsh.

He gave me a C-minus.

He gave me a C,

which drags down my entire average.

Bye.

I'll call you.

Isn't my house classic?

The columns date

all the way back to 1972.

Wasn't my mom a Betty?

She died when I was just a baby.

A fluke accident

during a routine liposuction.

I don't remember her,

but I like to pretend

she still watches over me.

Hey, Mom. 98 in Geometry.

Pretty groovy, huh?

Yuck! The maudlin music

of the university station?

Wah wah wah!

Yuck! What is it about

college and crybaby music?

Hey.

Who's watching the Galleria?

The flannel shirt...

Is that a nod

to the crispy Seattle weather?

Or are you trying to stay warm

in front of the refrigerator?

Oh, wow, you're filling out there.

Oh, wow, your face is

catching up with your mouth.

I went by Dad's office.

He is not your dad.

Go torture a new family.

Just because my mother

marries someone else

doesn't mean he's my father.

That's exactly what it means.

I hope you're not

thinking of staying here.

I sure want to.

I got a place near school.

Shouldn't you go to school

on the East Coast?

I hear girls at NYU

aren't at all particular.

You're funny.

Hey!

You just got here, and already

you're playing couch commando.

In some parts of the universe,

it's considered cool to know

what's going on in the world.

I so need lessons

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