Cobain: Montage of Heck Page #3

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you know?

What an isolated hellhole

it really is.

You know, man,

if the witch burnings

would've been, like, legal,

we'd all be dead now, you know?

F***, yeah.

Did you ever see that movie

"Over the Edge"?

- Yeah!

- I mean, God.

That movie had

such an effect on me.

Okay, you guys,

you're to take these home to your parents.

It's to let them know about

a special emergency meeting

- to discuss the problems about you people.

- I love that movie.

- I always wanted to do that at Monte.

- Me, too.

I tried, you know.

I wanted to be a vandal

and I wanted to hold everyone

captive in the school.

Everybody that's ever

messed with me in one room.

That'd be just about

everybody in town.

We should go down there and

tell them all to go to hell.

Come on!

I don't know how many of

us are willing to admit

just how deep in trouble

some of the kids

in this city are.

Has anyone ever sat down

and talked to these kids?

I talk to them six hours a day

until I'm blue in the face.

I spend more time with your

kids than you people do.

You think those kids

are interested in learning?

You ought to come in and see

what goes on in the classroom!

Won't you believe it?

Just my luck

Won't you believe it?

Just my luck

Won't you believe it?

Just my luck

Won't you believe it? Just my luck...

No recess...

No recess...

No recess...

Most of the teachers, God...

The last couple of years of

school in the mid-eighties,

there was so much

Reagan propaganda going on.

This teacher would

just go off on it.

- Everything...

- It ruined... Oh!

Practice your piano!

You need practice on it!

Go to hell!

- Burn the place to the f***ing ground.

- Yeah.

No recess...

No recess...

No recess...

High school's such

a worthless f***ing nothing.

God, what torture, you know?

No,

I quit the last two months of school.

I was so withdrawn by that time

and I was so antisocial

that I was almost insane.

You know,

I felt so different and so crazy

that people just left me alone.

No recess!

Did Kurt find the underground

or did the underground

find him?

I think he went

in search of it,

and I think

they found each other.

He was searching

for whatever made him feel

like he wasn't alone

and that he wasn't

so different.

When did you

first hear punk rock?

You know,

I wanted to hear punk rock forever.

Of course, they didn't have it

in our record shop in Aberdeen.

Then, finally, Buzz Osborne,

who had been a friend

of mine off and on,

made me a couple

compilation tapes.

And I was completely

blown away.

I would lip-sync to those

tapes and I wore them out,

and I'd play them every day,

you know?

It's the greatest thing.

It expressed the way I felt

socially and politically,

and it was the anger

that I felt,

the alienation.

And I realized that

this is what

I've always wanted to do.

Fill me in

on your new vision

Wake me up with indecision

Help me trust

your mighty wisdom...

I'm new, I'm new,

I'm who, I'm you

Just the fact that we were

actually playing music live in a room,

it was amazing.

It was, like,

the most incredible thing I've ever done.

Easy in an easy chair

Poop as hard as rock

I don't like you anyway

Seal it in a box...

If we played

together in the house

for a couple of hours

and if two people stopped by,

we considered that a gig,

you know, a show.

That was good enough.

We had an audience of two people,

you know?

Locals who hated our guts and

thought it was terrible music.

I think I was 18 or 19 years old,

and Kurt was like 17.

But he liked punk rock music,

and so that piqued my interest.

And then I noticed

what a good artist he was.

And so he was working

at the time as a janitor,

but he'd always have to,

like, do some kind of art,

you know,

usually defacing something.

He never had, like, idle hands.

It just came out of him.

He had to express himself.

"Heavy Metal," take three.

Well,

who taught you how to play guitar anyway?

All right.

Brilliant.

Brilliant improvisational.

Wow,

Jerry Garcia would really like this.

- I'm gonna send him a tape.

- Send it to Jerry.

I'll just have to sprinkle

it with patchouli or something.

Dig right into it.

Whoa!

Wait, wait, wait. Ready?

- You alcoholics!

- Film in the dark, dick!

Hey

Pick me, pick me, yeah

Let alone your signal

At least, at least, yeah

Everyone is hollow

You're last on last, yeah

Everyone is playing

Pick me, pick me, yeah

You can eat my marrow

Hey

Dive, dive, dive

Dive in me

Dive, dive, dive

Dive in me

On me

Nothing else

Nothing else.

He really didn't want to

live with his mom or his dad.

He wanted to be on his own.

And at that time...

So he moves into this dump.

He wasn't making

a lot of money,

and I think he was scared,

not being able

to pay his own way.

He didn't know

what he was going to do.

And in the hallway

outside the apartment,

it was completely graffitied

with Scooby-Doo,

Rocky and Bullwinkle.

When it was part

of the bathroom...

There was just no way

he was going to be

the 9:
00-to-5:00 work guy

that comes home

with a briefcase

and wife cooks him dinner.

I mean,

this just wasn't ever going to happen.

But he wanted some type

of connection.

- This is love.

- This is love.

This is shitting, pissing,

f***ing all over each other,

licking and spitting up

Gerber baby food,

not worrying if the plastic

tarp is on the floor,

'cause, baby, this is love.

Well, I know some people

will say that...

That I treated Kurt

maternally, took care of him,

but I'd like to think it was

more I was trying to nurture him

rather than take care of him.

Tried to nurture who he was

and get him to...

Let him do his art,

let him do his music

and encourage him

to get better at it

as opposed to trying

to stifle it.

But also not try to be the mom,

but trying to be

a nurturing girlfriend...

or friend.

We met at a party,

and, you know, I liked him.

I had a crush on him.

And then finally

somebody told him,

"Don't you get that she

likes you or something?"

'Cause he was just kind of

clueless about it, you know?

Hey!

- I liked that he was funny.

- He made me laugh.

He wasn't afraid to be,

you know, goofy or silly.

But mostly we just had

a good time hanging out.

I think he might

have been a bit angry

at the way he was

treated at school

and angry with his mom

and with his dad.

I think it was not so much it was

hard for him to accept love,

but the fact that maybe he

was afraid of getting hurt.

He was living at this tiny

little house in Aberdeen.

I just said,

"Why don't you just move in with me

and be in Olympia?"

So we moved in together.

It was nice to have

someone to share

the evening with

as well as the daytime.

Sitting on the couch at the same time,

each reading a book.

It was just...

You kind of felt grown-up

as opposed to just being still,

you know, a teenager.

I'd like to think he was happy.

We were very much in love

with each other.

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