Coffee and Cigarettes Page #4

- Do you remember where you sent it?

- No.

I mean, one week you're in LA...

then you're in London,

then you're in Sydney.

I mean, you're in a different f***ing city

every day of the week.

I'd love to hear the music.

What does it sound like?

It's really...

kind of hard...

and it's industrial, kind of throbbing...

I don't think you'd get it.

- What are they called?

- They're called Sqrl.

Squirrel.

No, Sqrl. You know, like they say it here.

S-Q-U-R-L, with an umlaut

over the "U." Sqrl.

Sqrl. I get it. Right.

So can I buy the CD

until I find the one you sent?

No. Not yet. They recorded it independently,

you know, so...

But I think the record company's

gonna put it out finally.

I think.

I'm gonna have to find that CD

so I can listen to it.

You're not gonna find it.

Shell, that isn't fair, actually.

- It's true. You're not gonna find it.

- Really?

I f***ing know you're not.

'Cause I just remembered...

I didn't actually send it to you.

I think I just thought

about sending it to you.

Almost forgot. This is for you.

Thanks. What is it?

This is really expensive stuff.

It must have cost hundreds.

Cool, thanks. I could use this stuff.

Make me look like a movie star, right?

- Cheers.

- Cheers, gorgeous.

Seriously, Catie, thanks for seeing me.

No, thanks for seeing me.

And thanks for all the fancy swag.

It's nothing.

It is swag, isn't it?

They probably give you

all kinds of free stuff:

Jewelry, clothes.

Probably give you cars, right?

No, they don't give me cars.

They sometimes give me makeup,

from time to time.

But I just thought...

I don't know, I just wanted...

Didn't have time to go shopping.

No, really, it's fine.

I mean, it's great. I can use it.

It's just funny, don't you think?

When you can't afford something,

it's really expensive.

And then when you can afford it, it's free.

Kind of backward, don't you think?

The world's a bit like that, I guess,

in a lot of ways.

Speaking of paparazzi...

I saw these photos of you the other day

in the tabloids.

Don't tell me that. Yuck.

What was I wearing?

Sorry.

Hello? Hi, Lindsey.

I'm downstairs, in the coffee room

with my cousin Shelly.

It's already...

Okay, yeah. I'll be up in a minute. Bye.

- Got to get back to work?

- Yeah.

Back to the grind?

Do you want to come up to the room?

It won't be very interesting,

but you're welcome to come up.

What, and watch you do TV interviews

and stuff?

Like Entertainment Tonight?

Maybe you can send me that CD,

or a letter, or something.

- Yeah, but you wouldn't read it.

- Stop it. I would if you actually sent it.

I've really gotta go. Sorry.

It was great seeing you.

Have you got my numbers?

Take care. Send my love to everyone.

Yeah, send my love to everyone

on your end.

If they even remember me.

- Bye, Catie.

- See you, Shell.

Put that on my room

and anything else she wants.

- Maybe next time I'll get to meet Lou.

- Yeah.

It's Lee.

Excuse me.

Can I have a tequila?

Thanks, a double, and the menu.

I'm sorry, there's no smoking in the lounge.

So, Jack, you going to tell me

about your tesla coil?

You said you didn't want to hear about it.

Yeah, but that was a while ago.

I don't know if I want to talk about it.

Come on, Jack.

You dragged it all the way down here

in your little red wagon.

Come on, just tell me about it.

I built it based on the inventor

Nikola Tesla's original designs.

It's an air transformer...

with primary and secondary coils

that are tuned to resonate.

It's basically a step-up transformer...

which converts relatively low-voltage

high current to high-voltage low current...

at high frequencies.

Do you remember...

when we were kids,

you had a little Barbie makeup mirror?

Yeah, I remember that.

It had a little fluorescent light on it?

Nikola Tesla invented fluorescent light.

Without him,

we wouldn't have alternating current...

radio, television, x-ray technology...

induction motors, particle beams, lasers.

None of that would even exist,

if it weren't for him.

Or the rock band, Tesla.

Funny.

Tesla was a true genius.

If we had paid more attention to his ideas,

the world would be a much better place.

We'd have free mass communication,

free transportation...

free energy for everyone.

That's why they discredited him in the end.

For free energy.

He perceived the Earth

as a conductor of acoustical resonance.

What a beautiful idea.

So, Jack, are you going to show me

how the coil works?

Yeah, all right.

You'll need these.

- All right, you ready, Meg?

- I'm ready.

Damn it. Something went wrong.

It was cool, though.

Yeah, but it wasn't supposed to stop.

It was supposed to keep working.

I don't know what happened.

I think maybe you blew a capacitor?

No, I didn't blow a capacitor, Meg.

Maybe it tripped your GFI.

Yeah, your Ground Fault Interrupter.

Yeah, I know what a GFI is.

That's not what happened.

You don't have to snap at me.

I think maybe the spark gaps

are too far apart on your spark coil vibrator.

Yeah, that could be it.

I guess.

Yeah, it is. That's it.

You're right about that.

I didn't check that earlier.

I'm gonna go home and check it out.

- Are you going to go bowling tomorrow?

- Yeah, I'll be there.

All right, I'll see you there.

Earth as a conductor

of acoustical resonance.

Hello, who is this?

Laura. Hi, this is Alfred Molina

for Steve Coogan.

M-O-L-l-N-A.

The actor, yes.

I was just double-checking that Steve...

He is. Great, okay.

Just in case you need it,

my cell phone number...

Hello?

- Hello, Alfred.

- Steve, hello.

Hi. I'm so glad you could make it.

Please sit down.

I was just talking to Laura, your assistant,

seeing if you were on your way here.

- I'm here.

- Fantastic.

I took the liberty of ordering some tea.

Shall I be mother?

That's okay, I'll be my own mother.

Some milk there for you.

Real tea.

It's hard to come by.

I have this fantasy where if I ever won

a Golden Globe or an Academy Award...

I'd use the opportunity to tell the Yanks

how to make a decent cup of tea.

- Here's to a good cup of tea.

- Cheers.

I love your coat.

Yeah, it's Viv Westwood.

I've got a weakness for British designers.

I don't know what it is

about American designers.

They're just too safe.

Aren't you going to be a little bit warm?

It's about 85 outside.

No, I take it off when I go out.

It's just the air conditioning.

- So how long have you been living in LA?

- We've been here about seven years.

We love it here.

I do love visiting LA.

But I always say, it's a great place to visit,

it's an even nicer place to leave.

The palm trees...

Palm trees annoy the f*** out of me.

It's not for everybody. I like it here.

I came out here for the work and stuff.

It's great to finally meet you.

I've got to say I'm a huge fan of your stuff...

all the stuff you've done on TV,

the comedy stuff.

I've got all the tapes.

I get them sent over. It's fantastic.

Thank you.

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