Coffee Town Page #10

Well...

Your friend is an idiot.

- Hey.

- Because dead people

can't talk.

- Welcome back.

- Hey...

- I called your parents, and,

uh, they're flying in.

- Was it a drive-by?

- Yes.

Doctors say you're gonna be

okay.

I made sure one worked on

you,

even though a trauma nurse

called dibs.

Wanda... she's...

It's like a death sentence,

she mainly just kills people.

- Is there a catheter in me?

- I used the smallest size...

because it's the least

painful.

It has nothing to do with

penis size,

you have a normal penis...

when it's... you know, not...

burned by a laptop.

- I mean, I can always jam

the big one in there

if it'll make you feel

better.

- I will stick with the small

one, okay?

- You sure?

- Yeah, please.

Thanks, though.

- Any time.

- Heeeeey!

- I can't believe you are not

dead. You were on the news.

You're like a celebrity.

There was blood all the way

to the muffin counter, man.

- That's kinda cool.

- I'll check back in on ya in

a bit, okay?

- Okay, yeah.

- Hey! No, no.

- Yeah, I was gonna just--

- Hey, look what I got for

you. A little memento.

- Um, I think I was only shot

once.

- Oh no, these aren't from

you.

These are from the kid who

shot you.

A couple minutes later, we

all catch up to him.

The entire department just

unloads on him,

takes out their gun, emptying

clips like the wild west,

like Brrragagagaga!

Smoke all over the place.

- Helicopters.

- Wh- wait, no. I don't think

it was a kid.

I feel like I saw... like...

an older Latina lady.

- You know, they said, uh,

technically you were dead for

a minute.

- What are you doing?

- You- you don't need that..

So, what did you see when you

died?

- Hmm... just a long hallway.

- How long we talkin'?

- Yeah, like 50 feet?

- I didn't measure it.

- Do you think it was heaven?

- Aw, you think? Why would

God put in a hallway?

It's kinda shitty

architecture

for the most powerful being

in the universe, right?

- Yeah, heaven should have

looked at least as good as the

Bellagio, right?

- I agree, which makes me

think... you think it was

hell?

- Ooh, but would hell have a

hallway?

- I think hell would.

Absolutely.

Just to f*** with you.

- How long do you think that

hallway would be?

Like, 50 feet?

- No, why do you keep

thinking it's 50 feet?

- I just think that's enough

time for you to anticipate

what's gonna happen when you

open the door.

- And what happens when you

open the door?

- The Devil--

- Stop, it's not the D--

- Did you see the Devil?

- No.

- Will, did you see the

Devil?

- So, maybe karma is

real...

Maybe if you cut in front

of a line,

you get shot in the chest.

Or maybe bad things happen

randomly.

Just like good things do.

- I really wish you would

reconsider.

A- a drive-by could happen at

any location.

- But either way... I

think it's better to just

focus

on the things we can change

ourselves.

- It's gonna be so weird

operating on cadavers

instead of real people.

So much less resistance.

- Hey can I have your muffin?

I need to print this.

- Of course.

- And let karma deal with

everybody else.

- Get out.

- No.

- Less... Is More... shoots

more.

- Yeah, with less.

- Yeah.

- Oh you know what, you can

get them to be dressed up

like a regular heighted

person.

So you have five of them in

one trench coat,

and them just going to town.

But then their d*cks are just

hitting, like, belly buttons,

and nipples, and faces, and

stuff like that.

- Oh...

- Would you watch midget

porn?

- Oh... Would I? I do.

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