Cold Souls Page #4

It's a total nightmare. It's a total

nightmare.

It's a total-

I can't-

It's-It's the end of my career.

And, uh-And it's-it's the end of us.

Why would you do that?

Eh- Uh- I-I don't-

I just told you.

I don't know! I don't know. I'm, uh-

I don't know. Max told me

that his mother-in-law did it.

And then she told me that, uh-

that Cynthia was thinking about

doing it too.

Cynthia?

Yeah. What does it ma- Yeah,

Cynthia-

I just- I got-

I got confused. I got confused.

It was-

It was just for two weeks.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

So, you're completely soulless right

now?

What? No, no, no, no. Not exactly,

no.

I still have five percent of my soul.

Five percent?

But I rented the soul of a Russian

poet.

You did what?

I- I just did a silly thing.

I just did a-

I just did a silly, silly, selfish thing.

Ah-Ah-

Aah!

I'll understand if you despise me.

He wasn't my lover yet.

What are you talking about? He was

your lover.

What are we doing in this

restaurant?

You're awfully fidgety or something.

Do you know when she plans

to return the soul?

I'm not paying you to ask questions.

No. N- Yes, I understand. But I was

asking if-

Uh, nothing yet.

Uh, in the meantime,

what should we do with the poet's

soul?

Uh, do you want to keep it,

or would you rather be soulless?

No, no. No soulless. God, no.

All right. Um- Take two of these

three times a

day and you should be fine.

It always takes time for a soul to

get rooted.

But I don't want it to

get rooted. I want mine back. Do you

understand?

Yes, I do understand. I'm awfully

sorry.

I just, um- If theres anything else I

can do

for you in the meantime-

I would like to get in touch with the

donor.

I don't know who the overseas donors

are.

You see, the souls are extracted in

Russia...

and then they are transported by the,

uh- by the mules.

Mules?

Yes. Russian women.

Souls are extremely volatile at

altitude.

Well, can you tell me who the mule

was?

What's goin' on here?

You know where it is.

Right? You know where it is.

Jesus Christ, please.

Just tell me where the hell my soul is.

I didn't know it was yours-

- I mean, u-until I rented your films.

- Mm-hmm?

I'm really sorry.

Wait.

What are you talking about?

Your soul... is in Russia.

- What?

- In Saint Petersburg.

What is my soul doing in Saint

Petersburg?

Eh- You didn't-

You didn't sell it on the black market

or anything, did you?

No! N-

It's with my boss's wife. She wanted-

She wanted to try the soul of an

American actor.

An American actor?

Why the-Why the hell me?

Couldn't find anyone else.

She wanted to try the soul

of famous American actor.

There's a... list.

She wanted the soul...

of... Sean Penn-

- Oh.

- Johnny Depp...

- Robert De Niro-

- Yeah.

How do you call this when you-

you take something, but- but you

want-

To steal?

But you want to give it back.

- Borrow.

- We just borrowed it.

- You borrowed it.

- We just borrowed it.

You just borrowed it. Well, uh, you

borrowed it!

Please-

- Who says that you can just

go around borrowing people's souls?

- Please- Please-

- For God's sake!

- I'm sorry.

What can I do? I mean, can I buy it

back?

It's not about the money. They're

very wealthy.

The only thing they dont have...

is talent.

Some Russian actress who is the wife

of a big shot over there...

is toying with my soul.

That's all that I know.

You sure you don't want to take the

lawyers or-

- or Steve or Max?

- No. No lawyers, no managers,

no agents, no publicists. Nothing.

This is nobody else's business.

Oh, gee.

Oh!

Yeah? Oh!

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll be- I'll be right

down.

- "The

pleasure is mine.

- The pleasure is mine.

- "Could you measure me?"

- Could you measure me?

- "I part my hair on the left."

- I part my hair on the left.

- "Do I have appendicitis?"

- Do I have appendicitis?

"I'm pregnant.

- "Take off your clothes.

- Take off your clothes.

- "To the waist.

- To the waist.

"Yes, I'm married.

Yes, I'm married.

- "Flocculate.

- Flocculate.

- "Peanut.

- Peanut.

Do you see that?

W-Wait for me here, okay? One

minute.

You said everything was fine!

Yes...

then they found out.

So what?

It's not my problem.

He's here now.

So yes, it's your problem.

How much is he paying you?

I'm doing you a favor.

So you don't lose Flintstein.

You really think I'm an idiot?

You can't trust anyone, can you?

Welcome, Mister-

- Giamatti.

- Ah.

Welcome, Mr. Giamatti.

Anything to drink? Cigar?

- I'm fine.

- Yeah.

Please, sit down.

Did Nina brief you on the situation?

Uh, what do you mean, brief me on

the situation?

You see, I'm quite concerned.

Well, yes, uh, I should I hope so.

Imagine for a second

that your wife carries in her body...

the soul of another man-

and refuses to be separated from it.

Uh, no.

I, uh- I can't imagine that. No.

- It's a form of adultery.

- Oh, for God's sake.

Um, no, actually.

- Adultery implies consent between

both parties.

- Oh.

- And nobody ever asked me

anything. Yeah.

- Yes, yes.

Yes, but- but the whole thing

is rather humiliating, you see?

That has nothing to do with me.

Look. Does your wife know what is

going on here?

We thought we were getting Al

Pacino's soul.

- Al Paci-

- Yeah, yeah.

It's not a good idea to disappoint her.

Uh-huh.

Uh, well, I'm really very sorry that,

uh,

things didnt work out...

with, um-with Al Pacino.

Wha-What the hell

is she acting in here anyway?

Nina...

tell him.

You tell him.

Okay.

She is in a fantastic soap opera.

- A soap opera?

- Yeah, yeah.

- A soap opera?

- Yeah, yeah.

Are you out of your mind?

Wait, no-

But she could ruin my soul!

H-Have you people thought about

the consequences of any of this?

Have you?

What do you want me to tell her?

What do I want you to tell her? What

do I want

you to tell her? You have gotta be

kidding me!

Ah.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Nina... going to take you around.

Take any soul you like.

We have unlimited choice.

I'm going to say this...

once and nicely:

Pick a soul and go home.

Do you really think that I came all

the way to

Russia to hear that kind of crap?

Get him out of my sight...

or I'm gonna lose it.

- Paul.

- Yeah.

- Let's go.

- Okay.

What the hell was that all about?

- I want to talk to the wife.

- That's not a very good idea, Paul.

-Just be patient with Dimitri.

- No. No.

This schmuck

is not telling me what to do.

Schmuck.

- Okay, come on.

- No. Not here, Paul.

Not here.

Oh, geez.

Uh-huh. I see. I see. You think this is

funny.

At least she enjoys it.

She seems happy with your soul.

You know, Paul,

maybe you needed a bit of frivolity.

- "Frivolity."

- That's what I said.

No, no, you said-

"frivoulity."

- No. It's not what I said.

- That's exactly what you said.

- You said "freevouluty."

- No.

It's not the way I said it.

- Yes, it is. "Frivoulity."

- No. No.

- That's her.

- Paul, it's not a good place.

- It's never gonna be the right place.

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