Comic Book Villains Page #4

I do.

You know what

I feel like?

Closin' early?

That's it, tiger.

Talk dirty.

So,

she wouldn't sell?

Uh-uh.

Not to me.

Not to Norman.

What are you

gonna do?

I don't know, arch.

All right?

I don't know, arch.

All right?

Norman and his wife

are gonna come at her

with more money.

I know that.

More money, and then

more f***in' money,

'cause that's--

that's their style.

I know that much.

Man, you gotta

fight fire with fire.

Fight fire with fire?

Who are you,

the punisher,

all of a sudden?

I don't have any money.

I'm broke.

You know that.

No, I don't.

I guess you wouldn't.

Arch, I don't have

a nickel to my name.

I'm hangin' on

by the short hairs.

I'm hangin' on

by the short hairs.

The day-to-day

comic business

is in recession.

Last year was miserable.

This year is gonna be worse.

Thank god

I don't have a house.

I woulda lost it

by now.

But you have

loyal customers.

Yeah, so does

McDonalds, ok?

But they just got

a couple billion more

than I do.

You know the counter?

It's gonna cost

400 bucks

to replace

or repair that.

I can't--I--I--

I don't have 400 bucks.

You know how I was

on the roof last week?

The next heavy rain,

buckets aplenty

on the floor,

my friend.

Buckets aplenty.

On the floor,

my friend.

Buckets aplenty.

Well, why don't you

just go to Norman,

and maybe you guys

could work

something out.

No--uh--

I don't know.

Man, give it a shot.

Hello.

I'm Raymond macgillicuddy.

Hello. Um...

Um... total--

um... total--

hello, sworn enemy.

That's a lovely dress

that you're wearing.

That--

that's a lovely dress.

How do you do?

You're very lovely.

And your name is?

I'd like to do

some business.

Waa!

Oh, baby,

the thought

of finding it--

unh--this treasure--

it's exciting.

It makes me wet.

It makes me wet.

It turns me on.

The bed!

No, no, no, no, no.

We don't need a bed.

That's right.

We don't need a bed.

Up against the wall.

I love it that way.

You do?

Oh, f*** me

against the wall.

I love being f***ed

up against the wall.

We never did it

against the wall before.

Shut up. You're

thinking too much.

Come on.

Oh!

Make me come.

I know you can

make me come.

I can do it.

You can make me

come this time.

You hang in there.

You better hang in there!

Hang in there!

Who's my f***er?

Who's my little f***er?

I'm your f***er.

You're my f***er!

I wanna be

your little f***er.

Hi. I'm Raymond

macgillicuddy.

It was, uh, not easy.

We've been across town

for so long

and never formally

really--

well,

it was a long walk--

just--just get

to your proposal.

Ok, ok.

Well, I think I've

thought of a way

in which both of us

can benefit

in which both of us

can benefit

from the lady's

collection--

both?

Uh, all 3 of us.

Mm-hmm.

Both parties is what

I meant to say.

How?

Well, um...

I don't have

any money,

and I can't

buy the books,

whoa.

What'd you just say?

No money?

Yes, I'm coming

to you honestly.

I'm com--I'm

completely broke.

B-but what I--

what I offer is

a knowledge

and an expertise

in the books

themselves.

I know comics.

I know the people.

I know comics.

I know the people.

I know the real

value of the books.

And you--you can make

a tremendous amount

of money,

and I'll help you,

and I don't even want

a penny.

Now I've heard

everything.

Well, wait.

Have you ever been

to San Diego?

Have you been

to San Diego--

to the convention?

I've been there.

It's the major

convention, ok?

And if you go back

into the dealers

room,

there's a--there's

a table on the left,

and it's up

against the wall,

and that's where

the major players

sit.

That's--that's--

that's where

the celebrity--

that's--that's--

that's where

the celebrity--

the-there's a name

that you garner

by sitting

at that table,

and I want

to take my place

among the men

that found

the white mountain

collection,

the mohawk collection,

the winnipeg collection.

I--I--we could

do this tonight.

Why, we could decide.

We could have

the macgillicuddy/link

collection.

I--look, I know--

I know who I am,

and I know

how people look at me.

I'm not stupid.

But if I could just

go to San Diego

and sit down

at the table

and have Mike allred

come up

or Matt Wagner just

pat me on the back...

Have--have

gaston dominguez say,

"you--you want

the danger trails,

1 through 5?

Go to

Raymond macgillicuddy.

His are pristine."

If I could just have

that quip...

It would all

be worth it.

If you allow me that,

my services are yours.

That's--

that's the most pathetic

thing I've ever heard.

No money?

Jeez. I mean,

you haven't got

the money,

get out of dodge.

Honey--

my god, and here I am

up all night worrying

that he's gonna up the ante

and blow us away.

What I was hoping

to offer was--

you sleazy creep...

Honey...

Get away from my house.

Honey, there--there's no--

no, no, no, no.

Honey?

No.

Excuse me, I--

no.

Excuse me, I--

honey?

No. No, no, no.

This fly is gonna

be in our ointment,

he gets involved.

Get him outta here.

I came in a spirit

of kindness.

I came in a spirit

of fairness.

I told you how hard

it was for me

to walk up here.

You've been

a gentleman.

Your wife has been

an animal.

Excuse me?

An animal?

Yes, an animal!

I think it's best

if you--

I offered an olive branch!

I think it's best

that you leave, Raymond.

You know what?

It's--I withdraw my offer,

because you don't

know comics!

You're a dabbler.

Why don't you go

back to your store

and sell your

action figures

and sell your

action figures

and your magic cards?!

Now. Now...

What's your--what's your--

what's your favorite

Mac rad boy

run, huh?

What's your favorite

you can't tell me.

You can't tell me,

'cause you don't know!

You know who knew?

Elvis knew.

Elvis knew!

Ok.

You dabbler. You dabbler!

You magic card seller!

You action figure seller!

There is no need

for a commotion.

Oh--oh, I'll make

a commotion, all right.

It's too late...

Oh, it's not too late.

It's not too late.

It's just starting!

For a commotion.

Is this what you

sell at your store?

No, you stop!

don't do it.

No! No!

don't do it.

No! No!

That's my--

no! Hey!

Then for a time,

the great adventure

became the great game,

or so it seemed to me.

Norman and Judy

on one side,

trying to win

Mrs. cresswell's favor...

Aah!

Raymond on the other.

Raymond on the other.

Back and forth...

Back and forth.

Unh!

Hi, Mrs. cresswell.

Here are the groceries

you wanted.

Well, you're not Raymond.

Where's Raymond?

No, I'm Archie.

Um, Raymond had his

weekly comic delivery.

He had to be back

at his store.

You want the funny books,

too, I suppose?

I won't lie. If you're

gonna get rid of 'em,

I want Raymond to get them.

Well, that's fair.

What's in it

for you?

I'm Raymond's friend.

That's it?

Isn't that enough?

You like funny books,

don't you?

Yeah. I guess.

I buy them,

and I read them.

Not really as much

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