Comrade X Page #8

AS A WHOLE,

FOR RIDDING MYSELF OF

PEOPLE WHO WERE STUPID ENOUGH

TO ADMIRE ME AS AN ENEMY

OF THE GOVERNMENT.

BUT WE ARE NOT HERE

TO DISCUSS MY VIRTUES.

I HAVE TOLD YOU:

ALL THIS, MR. THOMPSON,

BECAUSE I TRUST YOU,

AND BECAUSE, UH...

WELL, AS YOU SAY

IN YOUR COUNTRY,

I WANT TO:

PLAY BALL ON YOU.

YOU WAN THE NEGATIVE.

AND YOU WANT YOUR LIFE.

IT IS NO A BAD BARGAIN.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK MY LIFE

IS WORTH THAT MUCH.

YOU ARE VERY MODEST,

MR. THOMPSON.

HOW ABOU RAISING THE ANTE?

I AM WILLING, AS YOU

SAY IN YOUR COUNTRY,

TO PUT MY CARDS:

UNDER THE TABLE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I HAVE A WIFE:

DOWNSTAIRS.

WHAT IS HER CRIME?

WELL, ABOU THE ONLY WRONG THING

SHE'S EVER DONE IN HER

LIFE IS TO ADMIRE BASTAKOFF.

AH, SHE ADMIRED

BASTAKOFF THE PHILOSOPHER.

THEN SHE IS AN ENEMY OF

BASTAKOFF THE POLICE COMMISSAR.

TOO BAD.

WHAT IS HER NAME?

YEKHUBITZ.

AH, YES.

THEODORE.

AN IDIOT.

DANGEROUSLY NAIVE.

IT IS SUCH PEOPLE WHO KEEP

RUSSIA IN HER IDEALISTIC ROMPERS.

I WANT HER:

AND HER FATHER.

ANOTHER IDIOT.

LISTEN, BASTAKOFF, YOU ARE, IN

MY OPINION, NOT A JUDGE OF IDIOCY,

MORE A PROOF OF IT.

MR. THOMPSON, YOU HAVE ME

AT A DISADVANTAGE.

I MUST YIELD.

I'M SORRY I BLEW UP.

YOU'LL LET US OUT?

YES.

YOU ARE ALL FREE.

IN ADDITION, I FORGIVE

YOU FOR BEING COMRADE X.

MR. THOMPSON, YOU HAVE

MADE ME VERY HAPPY.

YOU HAVE TOUCHED

A SIDE OF ME:

I DIDN'T THINK REMAINED

IN THE POLICE COMMISSAR.

YOU TRUST ME,

MR. THOMPSON.

OH, YOU'RE 100%,

MR. BASTAKOFF.

I TRUST YOU, TOO.

I AM PLACING MY FUTURE

IN YOUR HANDS.

I WON'T LE YOU DOWN, COMMISSAR.

I'LL GET THE NEGATIVE AND SEND I RIGHT BACK TO YOU

WITH THE BELLBOY.

GOOD.

I'LL GIVE THE NECESSARY

ORDERS, MR. THOMPSON,

TO SEE THAT YOU ARE

NOT MOLESTED ANYMORE.

YOU'LL NATURALLY SAY NOTHING

ABOUT ALL THIS TO YOUR NEWSPAPER.

AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE?

OH, NOT A PEEP!

I HAVE YOUR:

WORD OF HONOR?

AS THEY SAY IN MY COUNTRY,

YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT.

THANKS. I WISH YOU MUCH

HAPPINESS, MR. THOMPSON.

THE SAME TO YOU,

MR. BASTAKOFF.

THANK YOU,

MR. BASTAKOFF.

THANK YOU,

MR. THOMPSON.

YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE OU IMMEDIATELY, MR. THOMPSON.

THE COMMISSAR HIMSELF

HAS ORDERED A TAXICAB.

THANKS.

MR. THOMPSON,

WHAT IS THIS?

WHY ARE THEY GOING TO

SHOOT US IN THE STREET?

EVERYBODY ELSE GO SHOT IN THE KREMLIN.

YES. WELL,

TAKE IT EASY, VANYA.

THEY HAVEN' SHOT US...YET.

COME ON. GET IN.

TELL THE COMMISSAR

THANKS A LOT.

IT IS NOTHING, SIR.

THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

HOTEL AMBASSADOR.

STEP ON IT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

BASTAKOFF:

SAVED OUR LIVES.

BASTAKOFF?

WHERE IS HE?

IN HIS OFFICE. HE'S

THE NEW CHIEF OF POLICE.

VASILIEV GOT PNEUMONIA LAST NIGHT-

GALLOPING PNEUMONIA

WITH LEAD COMPLICATIONS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME BASTAKOFF

IS THE POLICE COMMISSAR? NO.

HE AIN' NOTHING ELSE BUT.

BASTAKOFF IS A POET,

NOT A POLICEMAN.

THEN HE'S GO A DUAL PERSONALITY.

BUT THOSE PEOPLE

LOVE HIM.

HE WOULDN'T KILL

PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM.

ALL RIGHT. IF YOU DON' BELIEVE ME, ASK HIM.

WHO'S THE NEW HEAD

OF THE K.P.U.?

TOVARISH:

BASTAKOFF.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

EVERYBODY LOVES:

BASTAKOFF.

BASTAKOFF:

KILLS EVERYBODY.

EVERYTHING BALANCES.

YOU KNOW ANYPLACE WE COULD

STOP AND GET A HOT DOG?

SORRY, OLD MAN, BUT THIS

IS A CAPITALISTIC STREET.

MR. THOMPSON, I WOULD LIKE

TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOUR PAL BASTAKOFF'S A

GREAT LITTLE GUY, BABY.

I TOLD HIM I HAD SOME

EVIDENCE AGAINST HIM.

SOON AS I:

LEAD HIM TO IT,

HE'LL GIVE ME PNEUMONIA, AND YOU, TOO.

WHERE'S THE EVIDENCE?

IN MY POCKET.

SOON AS THEY SEE

WE'RE NOT HEADING FOR THE

HOTEL, THEY'LL OPEN UP.

GET DOWN.

WE'RE TURNING OFF.

HERE THEY COME.

GET DOWN!

I THINK THEY ARE

CATCHING UP.

STAY ON THE FLOOR.

COME ON!

WHERE? THERE IS

NO PLACE TO GO.

COME ON, I SAY!

CLIMB ON!

HURRY UP, POP.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IS SHE HURT?

TERRIBLE.

HERE, HERE, HERE.

SHE SPRAIN SOMETHING?

HERE, HERE,

HERE, HONEY.

HER SOUL IS DEAD.

OH, THAT.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE. SHE TOLD ME.

DON'T FEEL BAD, HONEY.

WE'LL GET OUT OF THIS.

LOOKS LIKE A PRETTY ROTTEN

WORLD FROM WHERE WE SIT,

FULL OF MURDER:

AND DOUBLE-CROSS

WITH A HANDFUL:

OF HIGH-PRESSURE BOYS

PEDDLING GRAVEYARDS UP AND

DOWN EVERY STREET IN EUROPE.

BUT I KNOW A PLACE WHERE YOU

CAN STILL DIE OF WHOOPING COUGH.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE WHAT YOU DIE OF?

YOU DIE.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

I, UH...I GO A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

I LIED TO YOU.

WHAT ABOUT?

THE U.S.A.

IT AIN' A SPIRITUAL DESERT.

SAY, IT'S PIE A LA MODE,

TWO-PANTS SUITS

AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE,

PIKES PEAK:

AND CONEY ISLAND.

AND I TOLD YOU WRONG

ABOUT THE BROOKLYN DODGERS.

THEY FINISHED:

IN SECOND PLACE.

HOW...HOW CAN

WE GET THERE?

WE'LL WALK.

WHEN THIS:

PERCOLATOR STOPS,

WE'LL GET OUT AND WALK UNTIL

WE FALL DOWN OR GET SHOT.

THEY'RE GOING TO SHOO US ON SIGHT, ANYWAY...

BUT THEY GOT TO:

SEE US FIRST.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING

TO HAVE SOME VISITORS.

WHO IS IT?

THE RUSSIAN ARMY.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

I DON'T KNOW. WE'RE

A LITTLE OUTNUMBERED.

SOMEBODY MUST HAVE SEEN

US BOARD THE VODKA LIMITED.

NO. THEY'RE

NOT SEARCHING FOR US.

THEY'RE NOT?

LOOK. THEY'RE MANNING

THE TANKS. SEE?

3 IN EACH TANK.

WHAT'S THAT PROVE?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

3 IS A CREW.

AT SCHOOL, WE HAD 4:

PILOT, COPILOT,

CO-COPILOT, CO-CO-COPILOT.

QUIT STUTTERING.

SAY, YOU MEAN YOU KNOW

HOW THIS THING TICKS?

A LITTLE. I WENT TO NIGH SCHOOL FOR TANK MANEUVERS.

GET IN THAT SEAT,

HONEY.

YOU'RE GOING TO DO

A LITTLE HOMEWORK.

OOH!

OOH!

NO, NO, NO. TELL HIM TO

GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR.

ALL RIGHT.

TIE HIM UP.

OK, LIZZIE,

LET HER GO!

SEE THOSE TANKS?

HEAD OVER THERE:

LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE

A PLACE IN THEIR FORMATION.

THEN WHEN I:

GIVE YOU THE WORD,

START EDGING OVER

TOWARD THOSE TREES.

MAKE IT SLOW, THOUGH.

GENERAL BOBINSKI!

OH!

WE ARE KILLED!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THEY ARE COMING!

STEP ON IT!

STEP ON WHAT?

GO FASTER!

THIS IS THE FASTES I CAN GO.

WAIT A MINUTE.

NOW I REMEMBER.

THIS IS FOR SPEED.

HEY, WE'VE STOPPED!

LET ME HAVE A BANG

AT THIS TRACTOR.

I'M PLAYING

HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK, HONEY.

WE'RE GOING TO SI IN THOSE BUSHES FOR A WHILE.

SO LONG, FELLAS.

HAVE A NICE TRIP.

WELL, WE DID IT, HONEY.

WE GAVE THEM THE SLIP.

OH! WE ARE KILLED!

IT'S TRUE!

HERE THEY COME!

WHO?

THE TANKS. THEY

MUST HAVE SEEN US.

HOLY IKE!

MAC!

HURRY!

HURRY UP, MR. THOMPSON!

THIS MUZHIK:

IS BITING!

WELL, BITE HIM BACK!

HEY, CAN'T YOU DODGE

THOSE TREES, LIZZIE?

YOU SEE ANYTHING?

NOTHING. NOT A SOUL.

WE ARE SAFE NOW.

LOOK!

HEY, COME HERE!

VANYA, COME HERE!

I SEE NOTHING.

THAT'S

WHAT'S THERE, ALL RIGHT.

COME HERE!

WE'RE CORNERED,

TRAPPED LIKE RATS IN RUSSIA.

OH, MY GLASSES.

HEY! HEY, COME HERE!

WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW?

STAY BACK HERE:

AS FAR AS YOU CAN.

PRAY THAT I GET THIS THING

IN REVERSE THE FIRST TIME.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID, "THIS IS GENERAL

BOBINSKI. COME QUICK."

TURN ON:

THAT RADIO.

WHAT'S THAT SAY?

HE SAID, "LEAD ON,

GENERAL BOBINSKI.

WE ARE WITH YOU:

TO THE LAST MAN!"

YOU UNDERSTAND? WE'RE

IN THE GENERAL'S TANK.

THEY'RE NOT CHASING US.

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