Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Page #9

and keep us on the edge

of our seats.

[Bell tolls]

[Cheering]

MAN:
Whoo.

Congratulations!

Hey...

Oh, thanks, thanks.

Thanks.

[Bell tolls]

[Tolling grows louder]

[No audio]

Danny, drive now!

[Wheels screech]

PENNY:
Bye.

Penny, there's something

I gotta confess...

something I gotta tell ya.

Listen, Penny. You've known me

for a long time...

As the host of

"The Dating Game"...

"The Gong Show,"

"Rah-Rah Show"...

Yeah, yeah,

listen, listen, listen...

I work for the CIA.

You understand?

And I kill people.

I killed...

I killed a lot of people.

You understand?

I killed a lot of people.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Both laughing]

BARRIS:
I came up with

a new game show idea recently.

It's called "The Old Game."

You got three old guys

with loaded guns on stage...

they look back

at their lives...

see who they were,

what they accomplished...

low close they came

to realizing their dreams.

The winner...

is the one who doesn't

blow his brains out.

He gets a refrigerator.

[Music intro]

# There's no business

like show business #

# Like no business I know #

# Everything about it

is appealing #

# Everything

the traffic will allow #

# Nowhere can you get

that happy feeling #

# When you are stealing

that extra bow #

# There's no people

like show people #

# They smile

when they are low #

# Even with a turkey

that you know will fold #

# You may be stranded

out in the cold #

# Still, You wouldn't

change it for a sack of gold #

# Let's go on with the show #

[Instrumentals]

# The costumes. The scenery,

the makeup. The props #

# The audience that lifts you

when you're down #

# The headache. The heartaches,

the backaches. The flops #

# The sheriff who escorts you

out of town #

# The opening when your heart

beats like a drum #

[Drumbeat]

# The closing when

the customers won't come #

# There's no business

like show business #

# Like no business I know #

# Traveling through

the country can be thrilling #

# Standing out in front

on opening nights #

# Smiling as you watch

the theater filling #

# And there's your billing #

# Out there in lights #

# There's no people

like show people #

# They smile

when they are low #

# Yesterday. They told you

you would not go far #

# That night you open,

and there you are #

# Next day. On your dressing

room. They've hung a star #

# Let's go on with the show #

# Let's go #

# On with the show #

[Somber piano music plays]

[Music ends]

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