Confessions Of A Shopaholic Page #7

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call,

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call, it...

No, he doesn't know it yet,

but he will. All right.

- Speak to you then.

- Luke! Luke.

- Good morning.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Excusez-moi.

Am I interrupting something? Hmm?

- No. Mm-mm.

- No, no.

I've come for the Green Scarf Girl.

- Me?

- Our esteemed Monsieur West

has asked me to dress you

for your TV debut.

I have one hour to shop.

Oh, uh, I'm sorry, excuse me,

but, Rebecca, Derek Smeath is here.

God. Um... I, uh...

Rebecca is being stalked.

So exciting

at Successful Saving.

I've had enough of this clown.

I'll see him.

Whoa! Luke! No!

I never want you to meet him, ever.

Don't worry.

I've already called security.

See? She called security.

Voil. Shall we go? Mmm?

No. No, no, no, no.

This is outrageous!

I have every right to be here.

So after the ball, I, myself, actually

read Successful Saving.

Your piece was very good.

I have been observing you

and it seems you have

natural street fashion,

but... do you have genuine style?

Dressing is like any

worthwhile endeavor.

It is an art, but also a challenge.

Bonjour.

This dress is good for you, huh?

With maybe... this jacket over.

Oh, that's genius, Alette. Parfait.

I think that is a great dress,

um, but I was thinking...

...a little more...

...of something... like this?

I mean, I'd pair it with

a new Yves Saint Laurent coat.

Show me.

So, Rebecca, hmm.

Take her bag.

You are sure of your choice?

- Yeah.

- Hmm. We'll see.

Do not answer

this call, it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call,

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call,

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call,

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer this call,

it's Derek Smeath.

Do not answer

this call, it's...

Hello.

Ah, yes. Is perfect.

So, unfortunately, I cannot stay.

But I am looking forward

to seeing how you accessorize it

- for your TV debut. Hmm?

- Oh, thank you.

Goodbye.

- Oh, God.

- Is there a problem?

Pretty much my entire

first month's salary.

Mmm. But isn't it worth it?

OK, no peeking. Don't peek.

Can you see? OK. Get up here.

Now turn this way. OK, don't peek.

Don't peek. OK, open!

Oh, and look, look, look!

The best part!

- Do you love it?

- It's so her!

Oh, Bex. This is so exciting.

I'm getting married

and you love your dress,

and you're getting to Alette, and...

What's in that bag?

Oh, that's just a dress

that Alette chose for me

for the TV show.

Mom, can you go get a cupcake?

How much did it cost?

Alette gets an incredible discount.

Still going to Shopaholics Anonymous?

Yes!

- 'Cause you promised.

- I know!

Oh, excuse me. Are you going

to the shopaholics meeting?

Yes.

Could you do me a favor

and stow these in your trunk?

Doesn't look good entering

a self-help shopping group

carrying a Barneys bag.

Oh! I know exactly what you mean.

- Leave it to me.

- OK.

- Hey, save me a seat, huh?

- OK.

Thank you!

My name is Ms. Korch.

I am your new group leader.

I do things differently.

Ms. Bloomwood?

You're willing to give away

your money for things

that you don't need,

so why not try giving away

the things you don't need

for no money.

But here's the thing:

I really need those things.

I'll show you who really needs them.

Steady! Steady.

Courage, woman.

- Oh, my. Colorful.

- This is my bridesmaid's dress.

Please! How many of us

have used that one before, hmm?

OK. I just want you to take

these clothes and... do good.

Ms. Bloomwood,

wasn't that liberating? Bravo!

My will is strong. My wallet is closed.

I don't want to shop!

Back to the basement.

I couldn't be prouder.

There's been a mistake.

The dresses I gave in?

- Hmm. I need it back.

- I see. Mm-hmm. Christy!

Yes?

Can't sell those two dresses.

There's been a mistake.

- No returns.

- I really need these dresses!

I'd bring back something tomorrow.

- Something better.

- No exchanges.

- OK, so, um, I'll buy 'em.

- You will? Oh, that's great.

Oh, really.

We need every cent here.

- OK. How much?

- A hundred and ten.

What? How is this a charity store?

This is from Barneys.

I know. OK,

I don't have enough for both.

- This one's twenty.

- Maybe come back for this one?

Which is more important?

Got money issues? Who hasn't?

Got money issues? Who hasn't?

Oh! Tarkie, Tarkie, Tarkie, she's on!

- This is her?

- Yeah.

The Girl in the Green Scarf,

Rebecca Bloomwood,

Oh, she looks like an expert.

How are her accessories?

Hey, Janice. She's in the...

Whoa. What channel?

...finance. Not my thing.

- Jane.

- Yeah?

- Janey. Janey!

- What?

...then I read your

columns, and I'm like...

"Wow. I get it."

Right. Which is exactly the point.

Because so much

financial journalism is really...

- Is really boring.

- I'm with ya on that!

Yes! Go, Bex!

It's not accessible.

But it's ordinary people that have

the most money in savings.

It is. It's people like my mom and dad.

Ow!

Tell us about the coat.

Tell the audience what you wrote

about the cashmere coat and worth.

- Well, that's you.

- No, no.

- He inspired me.

- Aw...

It's the difference

between cost and worth.

Essentially, something

you can't see, can't touch,

but it's actually the most

valuable commodity in America.

- And that's...

- Trust.

Trust. I'm loving you guys.

Who knew that debt

could be so much fun, huh?

But we just have a little bit more time.

We wanna get questions

from the audience.

Is there anybody out there

with any financial issues

that would like...

Yes, you, sir.

Well... I'm having trouble with debt.

OK. Mortgage debt, car debt?

- Ms. Bloomwood's debt.

- Ms. Bloomwood's debt.

That's right.

I'm from the All City

Debt Collection Agency.

- My name is Derek Smeath.

- Alrighty.

Now, look, for God's sake,

can I just say that this man

has been stalking Rebecca

for the past year.

Yes, I have.

To recover unrepaid credit

on a store card totaling

$9,412 and a quarter.

Is this for real?

No, I'm sorry,

because he is her ex-boyfriend.

Really?

No wonder she didn't bring him home.

That's good. I tell ya,

the more you look at me,

the funnier that gets.

OK, well, uh, my ex-girlfriend

told me she couldn't meet me today

because I might risk

contamination with an infection

- she picked up in Finland.

- Oh!

Know she was part Finnish?

OK, we're on limited time.

Anybody else like to ask...

No, no, no.

The best is yet to come.

Oh, God!

Did you realize

our Ms. Bloomwood here

is in the hospital with depression?

Currently in the hospital

with gallstones.

"Check is in the mail" 14 times.

Check is lost in the mail 14 times.

Recovering from

a chemical fruit acid peel.

Called back for second tour

of duty in Basra.

Which of these excuses is true?

Are any of them?

Will the real Rebecca Bloomwood

please stand up?

Well, at least I don't have to worry

about you being stalked!

Luke, you don't understand!

No, you're right, I don't!

So do what I hired you to do, Rebecca,

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