Confetti Page #2

---

Oh, come on, don't serve so hard to her.

- What do you mean, don't serve so hard?

- You're a man...

Are you here? Are you in the room?

- Do it again.

- Do what again? Serve, so you can miss it?

Jesus is, uh...

exceptionally,

an exceptionally mediocre coach.

Oh, well, my name is Jesus

and I'm from Spain. Um...

Yup.

That's the difficulties of my name,

cos it's also called "Jesus".

I mean, if anyone goes around

calling himself "Jesus", frankly it's a bit sad.

There must be a deep well

of insecurity in there.

I will hurt if they getting married,

because I think

he is not the appropriate man for her.

Yeah, that's character.

I mean, she needs more love,

she needs more smiling,

and she needs a little bit more of sweetness.

- Back.

- It's really helping.

And front.

- Don't stop. I think this is good.

- What's good?

- Just wait. Keep going.

- You tired?

- No, I'm not... I'm not ti-red.

- You can sit down, yeah?

- Just for the...

- If anything, I'm "tired".

- Positive.

- Sorry.

Just for the opening, I was feeling something.

Take my hand.

- What were you feeling?

- That this could be used.

- For the wedding?

- Used in the wedding?

- That will be excellent.

- Who's getting married?

He goes on about how

warm they are in the Mediterranean,

they're very tactile, but he doesn't touch

anyone as much as he touches my fiance.

I don't think...

Oi!

I'm watching.

Rules of entry, number one: you

hereby confirm you're not already married.

Two:
you agree to participate

in pre-marriage counseling.

Counseling.

- Counseling.

- Yes.

- I'm not doing counseling.

- Josef...

I'm not doing counseling. I've done

counseling, you know that. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it!

Let's just concentrate

on how we want these people to look.

I mean, the tennis players, Isabelle and Josef.

We want them to look so glamorous.

- Well, we want them to win, don't we?

- Yes. I quite like, erm, the musical couple.

- They'll look wonderful.

- Sweet.

She's a little dowdy.

No, she'll be fine

if we dress her in a beautiful dress.

You never know on the day, either. The

naturist couple on the day might be fantastic.

I don't think anyone wants to see her muff.

You chose them.

I was quite excited

by the people we met.

I think of the three couples,

I think I wouldn't want to favor any of them.

I think they're all exciting,

they're very much in love, I think.

I have slight problems with the tennis,

Isabelle and Josef.

A woman that only wears things that

she's knitted herself is going to be difficult.

Yes, and they did smell.

- It was...

- It was a really good day.

- Yeah, it was an amazing day.

- There was so many things to see, and...

And also from the time

that Sam had the makeover.

That would be enough, the fact that

she was chosen to have a makeover...

Oh, my God.

They just happened to pick her

to have a makeover

out of all those people in the audience.

So we had to have a word.

A civil word.

And they kindly agreed to, uh, to go again.

Oh, doesn't she look gorgeous!

Big round of applause for the lovely Isabella.

Look, she's got herself in the picture.

She's got herself in the...

Just... See, at the back?

Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- Hello.

Come on in.

- Lovely to see you.

- You too. Perch yourself on the couch.

- Lovely to see you. In you come.

- Lovely to see you.

OK. Well, you know, first and foremost, thank

you so much for coming and doing this job.

- We are so excited.

- Good. I'm thrilled.

Now, to cut to the chase.

There are several things

that are on my mind at the moment.

Firstly, I need... And this has also

come from the powers-that-be above.

I need one venue for all three weddings.

For the wedding competition.

- For all the weddings?

- That's right, yes.

Cos we thought about

Queen's Club and Roland Garros.

Well, I love your ideas.

But they're not within the budget.

So, um, one venue.

Now, the second point is, and one

that does concern me over the naturists, erm,

I need... I need the naked girl dressed.

I need her in a dress.

- In a dress?

- In a dress.

- But they're nudists, aren't they?

- No, naturists.

Well, yes, but they take their clothes off.

- Well, I need them in a dress.

- Does she know that?

No. That's your job, to tell her.

Right.

- Do they actually play volleyball?

- We're going to find out.

I feel a bit sick, actually, Archie.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh! It's a naked man on a bike! A naked...

Just keep your eye on the road.

- Did you see?

- I'm choosing to ignore it.

No clothes on,

riding around...

Just pull up here. Pull up here.

Will there be any...

Yes, it'll be obvious, won't it?

- It'll be obvious when we meet them.

- What are they...

Hi!

- How you doing? You all right?

- Hey, there.

- Nice to see you again. Hi, how you doing?

- Hi. Joanna.

- Archie.

- Hi, there.

- Glad you made it.

- I stood on your toe.

- Oh, I'm all right.

- Thanks for coming.

- Well, let's...

- We'll show you round.

- Hi, guys.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi.

You know, you have a really good game

of badminton, then no need to wash your kit.

Well, that's a bonus.

- Do you play badminton?

- No.

You are aware that these weddings will all...

All three competitors will have their weddings

in the same venue, on the same day?

One after another, sort of concurrently.

- In a venue?

- It doesn't, it... No, I didn't know that.

No, it... it... it doesn't absolutely...

Well, it is clear,

but it isn't underlined, or anything.

It just says

you have to approve where we do it.

Well, the magazine approves, and they've

decided that to make it easier for the judges,

it all has to be inside and on one occasion.

- What's that?

- This is Primavera.

- Who's he?

- No, that's a painting by Botticelli.

- Oh, sorry.

- And it just... You said nature.

It explores some of the themes of nature.

You've got these apples, pears and things,

and the elements blowing on her,

and there's flowers and so on,

and the strength of this sword.

And she's just slightly veiled,

and you can see the nakedness underneath.

But that's just wacky costumes.

It's just costumes.

It's kind of theatre, isn't it?

It's not real. And we're about nature and real.

- Oh, hi. Thanks ever so much.

- Quite all right. Where do you want them?

I'll move those. Thanks.

- Quite all right.

- Thanks, Becky.

What do we do? They're going to want

to walk in and take their clothes off.

- Aren't they?

- Yes.

- You think we should allow that?

- If that's what they want.

Good. I think that too. If they want to do that,

they should be allowed to do that.

To ask them to get married, in...

you know, clothed,

is contrary to everything we believe in.

So, yes, they must be naked people as they

get married, because that's who they are.

Right. Lovely. So.

- Musical.

- Musicals. The King And I.

Oh, it's not The King And I.

Why does it have to be The King And i?

- King And I this, King And I that.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes