Cooties Page #3

Help me!

Let me burn his face!

Aah! Oh!

Aah!

Oh!

Who is that lady?

Anybody have a key?

Probably not.

Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We can't just leave her there.

You bet your ass we are!

Ah!

Move! Move!

We gotta get out of here!

Aah!

Follow me, I do crossfit!

No! Don't do it!

You sons of...

Go, go, go, go, go!

Wade!

Aah!

Right in here!

In here!

Aah!

Kill him!

No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

And I'm not just saying that

'cause you're the only

Our differences are what makes

life beautiful.

What's going on?

Kill him!

No! Wait!

Tracy's right.

Calvin, are you okay?

You don't have a thirst

for blood or anything?

Why would I do that?

I'm studying

for my English test.

Oh, great. How's it going?

We gotta seek out

some higher ground.

Okay, come on, Calvin.

You come with us.

We're clear!

In here, come on!

Come on.

Close the door! Close the door!

Okay, all right.

Hey, hey, is everyone okay?

Can we please take a moment

Of sil... Aah!

Get in here, come on!

Calvin, don't look!

Don't look! Don't look!

She has blisters.

Okay, I think we're safe.

The door is locked.

They cannot get up through

these windows.

The phone's out in here, too.

Can somebody please explain

to me what the hell is going on?

What is going on?

I mean, I hated my teachers

in school.

I hated them, but I never tried

to kill them.

They got cooties.

What?

That's what they're always

saying that girl Shelley has.

Cooties.

She's dirty.

Calvin, that's not very nice.

No, he's right.

In a... In a... In a way.

If you'll follow me, you'll see.

Wade, you're not hurt, are you?

No, babe, I'm good.

She has the raised blisters

of a...

A virus.

I'm okay.

We're safe here, right?

Everybody feels okay?

And we're all safe.

It's pretty interesting

actually.

I knew we'd work it all out.

I would love to get inside

your head.

Oh, guess she's gone

to commit murder somewhere else.

All right, ladies,

here's the plan.

We get down on that ledge,

jump to the ground, hightail it

Like linebackers to our cars.

Boom!

What? I thought you just

tried to outrun them.

You... You said they were too fast

for you.

Yeah, but that was before

I had a weapon.

A violin?

Not just a violin,

it's an instrument of death.

I propose we create

a symphony of death.

Everyone, grab an instrument.

Here, you take this.

Oh, yeah,

that'll be real effective.

What are you offering,

besides throwing hot pots

Of coffee at people,

or writing a stupid book

That no one wants to read

about some guy who wants

To f*** a boat?

Wait, it's not about a guy

who wants to f*** a boat.

It's a book about obsession

and possession on the high seas.

He wants to f*** the boat,

and you know it.

Listen...

Listen, little Stevie king...

there's an invention called

a cell phone that your stupid,

We need to get to

the principal's office,

Grab our phones,

and call someone who can

Help quarantine these kids.

We're in a total lockdown,

in case you haven't noticed!

We have been breached,

and there are little cootie kids

Right out there in the hallway

who are willing

To f***in' rip your face off

with their little teeth!

Well, sh*t!

Their big teeth haven't even

come in yet!

Aah!

You know what, you carry on

I'll sneak around the school

where there aren't any kids.

Oh, you'll sneak around, huh?

Sneak around

like a little hobbit.

I'm takin' the fight to them

like a f***in' orc.

And that is the difference

between you and me.

I don't wanna scurry...

Oh, really?

I don't wanna scurry around

the hallway

Like a common squirrel.

The only way we're gonna get

anywhere is if we turn

Our frowns upside down

and try to get along.

You know how I beat

the terrorists after 9/11?

With a positive attitude.

It's true, she did.

Now, I-I don't think going

back for our cell phones is

Necessarily a great idea,

even though it's wonderful

That you're trying,

and we welcome all suggestions.

Wait, I... Wait.

I just thought of something.

What is it?

Um, it's just an idea for...

For keel them all.

The hero's trapped on the boat,

and my mom had this note where

She didn't understand why

he wouldn't just call for help.

I-I got it.

He... He left his... His phone

on the dock.

What are you talking about?

Oh, sorry.

It's my book.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Unbelievable.

Your... Your book is called

keel them all?

Okay, ladies, can we convene

the book club

A little later on, please?

Wade, I think maybe

your idea is maybe

An unwise idea also.

Seriously, Lucy?

I'm sorry.

So what do you propose?

That we wait here until 3:00.

Um...

okay... Okay, what... What happens

at 3:
00?

At 3:
00, the parents will

come to pick up their kids.

We can get up on the roof

and signal them for help.

Oh, I like that idea.

It's... It's a good one.

Better than your f***ing idea.

Anything is better

than your idea.

Oh!

Clint, are you okay?

That sounds...

Yeah, no, I'm... I'm fine.

I'm fine.

What happened to your arm?

Oh, nothing, it's...

Oh, sh*t.

It's just... It's just a scratch.

Son of a b*tch, he's infected!

No, no, no, it's nothing.

You got cooties, motherf***er!

No, no, no, I'm feeling fine!

Wade, wait!

You're coming with me!

Stop resisting!

I feel fine!

Don't resist the quarantine!

Wade! Wade, hon...

Let me out, a**hole.

Nobody else go in there.

Oh.

Oh!

I'm going in.

Doug, don't... Ugh.

I don't care.

We have some breaking news

developing in the suburb

Of fort chicken this morning.

You don't...

Excuse me. Listen up, please.

Could everybody

please listen up?

Guys, don't make me ask again.

Quiet, quiet, please.

Please be quiet.

None of us are talking.

Rebekkah.

Quiet, please.

Thank you.

It is my opinion

that Clint has been infected

With whatever those kids have...

yeah, I knew it.

Out there.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

But it doesn't seem to be

affecting him in the same way.

He's only exhibiting

mild stomach flu symptoms...

Nausea, cramps,

a little diarrhea, vomiting,

Mild anal leakage...

But it is my hypothesis

That we are safe from him

for now.

He will not attempt to murder us

or tear us limb from limb.

He just has the flu.

How do you...

How do you know all this?

Well, Rebekkah,

I just examined his fluids

With two of history's oldest

scientific instruments...

My hands.

Oh, Doug.

Don't worry.

I'm wearing gloves.

Oh, no, you're not.

No. No, you're not.

God damn it, Doug.

I see.

Oh, god.

Okay, okay, it doesn't matter.

Listen, the sub stays locked

in the closet.

If he gets a clean bill of

health at 3:
00, then we'll talk.

If he gets a clean bill of

health at 3:
00, then we'll talk.

If he gets a clean bill of

health at 3:
00, then we'll talk.

Keep your distance, Grisham.

Oh, there...

There's vomit there.

Ugh, god!

Just watch your step.

Are you all right?

Hey, how are you feeling?

Um, better.

Come on, okay.

That's yours.

Oh, thank you.

Wait, oh, I know that car.

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