Cop and a Half: New Recruit

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Go, Katy! Go, Katy!

Go, go, go, Katy!

Go, Katy! Go, Katy!

Go, go, go, Katy!

Go, Katy!

Go, go, go, Katy!

Dang, Marie, this is police business.

I could've wasted you.

It's just a water gun, you jerk.

This is Mad Dog.

I can't wait for backup.

I'm going in alone.

You're dead meat, Mad Dog.

You feel lucky

about yourself, Sanchez?

Do you, punk?

- [Sanchez] Eat slime, cop.

- You're mine.

Sanchez, come out

with your hands in the air.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, no, I thought you were on fire.

We're not finished,

Mr. Butler.

You're lucky I got a class.

Damn civilians.

- [Sighs]

- [Door Creaking]

Okay, we'll do it the hard way.

Freeze, dirt bag!

- Get out of here.

- I'm history.

Nice of you

to drop in, Butt-ler.

Well, I'm dropping out.

If you hurt me,

my dad will rip your head off.

Blood and guts and slime

will be coming out your ears.

That don't scare Rio.

My dad's doin' hard time.

You must be very proud.

- I am.

- Whoa.

A dollar a day. That's a bargain

to come to this school.

- Ain't it?

- You smell like vomit.

Butler thinks he's a real cop.

Put me down! Crawl back

in the hole you came from!

Two bucks.

Thanks for the money, dweeb.

- Give it back to me, you pus heads.

- Pus heads? - Pus heads?

- That calls for payback.

- Put me down!

Put me down!

Guys, please.

- You little twerp!

- Please.

- I meant it in the nicest way.

- Too bad! - Too bad!

- [Toilet Flushing]

- Ohh! Swirly.

Looks like you had a little accident.

- Hope you have fun.

- Enjoy your recess, nerd!

- Let me in! Let me in!

- I love this school.

I've been looking for you, mister.

You been swimmin', Butler?

No, he's been dunkin' for turds.

[Children Laughing]

[Teacher] That's enough!

Let's you and I take a walk.

- Give my regards to Mr. Flemming.

- [Children] Yeah!

Now tell me, what have

you learned today? Sit up straight.

That I can hold my breath a lot longer

than I thought I could.

Do I sense, uh...

a little insolence?

No.

Devon.

Devon, Devon, Devon.

Lies are not explanations.

I'm not lying.

Every day these big jumbos...

come and take my money,

they put me in the toilet...

and hold me upside down.

Always blaming it on someone else.

You leave me no choice, Devon.

I have to call your grandmother.

Mister Flemming, please.

You don't have to call her.

She can't take personal calls.

It makes her sick.

And she's on a very hard shift now.

Sit down, Devon.

Devon, if I don't make this call,

you will never learn...

and I would have done you

a great injustice.

- 2-8-3, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Yes, Mr. Flemming.

Thank you.

Ah, don't worry about Flemming.

He's just a dork.

Yeah? Well, why doesn't

my grandmother know that?

- [Sirens Wailing]

- Stop, listen.

- Fire truck?

- No, that's a cop.

It's code three.

Let's roll.

[Truck Honking]

[Speaker] I'm not getting

out of this car. I hate to run!

[Driver] I told you I'm not

getting out of this car!

What are you, a nut?

Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh!

[Driver] I warned you.

- Do all cops do that?

- Only the best.

[Driver] Quintero, who do you think

is gonna run out of gas first?

[Waldo] Chu, get in!

- [Devon] Here, hold these.

- Got 'em.

- Did you get the license?

- You bet.

[Driver]

Quintero, don't jump over that fence.

I hate to run.

Look, we gotta go see that.

Son of a...

Son of a...

I hate to jump.

I really hate to jump.

Come on, Sanchez, keep up.

We're gonna win

first prize this year.

Oh, my goodness!

Who do you think you are,

the Lone Ranger? Get out of my yard!

[Driver] End of the line!

Hey, get your filthy butt off my car.

I just had it waxed.

All right, we're gonna

do it the hard way.

Aaah!

All right, stop whining.

You drop something, Quintero?

Looks like drugs.

That ain't mine.

You know who I am?

You used to be Nick McKenna

before you lost a step.

Oww!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I broke the nose.

And I gotta fix it.

I'm s... Let me fix this.

I think I can fix it.

- Ooh.

- Aaah!

Gentle.

I should've been a doctor.

It's all right.

Sorry about the disturbance.

All right, put your hands out.

You know the drill.

Now I'm gonna tie you to the car,

'cause I don't want you

gettin' in my car, all right?

Yeah.

You know why?

Because you stink like garbage.

Okay, you ready?

And we'll just take

this little evidence along.

[Engine Starting]

You overweight rat.

You're a sore loser.

Hey, McKenna, come on, man.

Listen, this is not civilized.

He's makin' that fool run

all the way back to the station.

Damn you, McKenna. You're not gonna

do this. Not the freeway!

Let's get out of here.

- Good-bye.

- See you later.

You're late.

Freeze!

Devon?

Grandma, you won't believe

what me and Ray saw.

"What Ray and I saw."

The school called again, Devon.

What'd the school say?

Devon, you gotta stop

playin' stupid cop games.

- They're not stupid.

- And just start taking responsibility.

But if I were a policeman,

I probably could take care of you...

and get my own apartment someday.

I'll take care of myself.

You just learn to take care of yourself.

Honey, did you see my keys?

- You're going to work?

- Yes, yes, I'm going to work.

The keys are in the ashtray,

next to my handcuffs.

The hospital's shorthanded.

I gotta sub again.

But tonight's the night

we watch Miami Vice together.

Don't you think I wish I could just

sit back and watch TV with you?

But you're a nurse.

You could make up some great disease.

Oh, you know I can't do that.

[Car Honking]

There's my ride.

In bed by 9:
00.

- But Grandma, wait!

- And not a minute later!

- Do you hear me, Devon?

- I can't do that. 10:30.

Forget it.

9:
45. I'm in the fourth grade.

9:
30. And you're

in the third grade.

Deal. You have

your police whistle?

Yes, Devon, I have it.

Now, Mrs. Norris across the hall

is gonna to look in on you.

Make sure you leave your

homework out so I can check it.

Okay.

Leaving him alone again, I see.

Stickin' your sweet face into

everybody's business again, I see.

Bye.

Your grandmother should be

reported to social services.

Oh, really?

And you should be reported

to the Orkin Man.

[Speaking Spanish]

You're under arrest.

My client's ready to make a deal.

What're you offering?

First degree reduced to second...

with a guarantee of

no more than ten years.

Make it five.

Seven, but I'll want him

to testify against Medford.

That's bonus information.

Ever hear of "quid pro quo"?

Quid pro quo.

One hand washes the other? Why

don't you get me some soap?

[Indistinct Chatter]

Hey, Ray, wanna go for a ride?

Sorry, I have to eat dinner

with my parents.

Call you later.

Okay.

[Devon] That black car again!

[Barge Horn Blowing]

Hey, Quintero, McKenna gave you

the third degree, huh?

He tried to ask me about Bobo and the

drugs being delivered to Mr. Fountain.

I told him Zippo.

You did good.

Good enough to even

meet the boss, you stiff.

He's gonna thank you personally,

I want you to know that.

What do you think?

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