Cop Out Page #5

- Yes.

- What's your dealer's name?

- I don't know. I don't know his name.

- He's nickel-and-diming us.

How you think he gonna

do on the BQE, Jim?

Not good. Let's take him for a drag.

No, no, no. I don't know him. Okay?

He's like el fantasma.

He's a ghost. You'll never see him.

Give me his name.

Okay, come on, guys.

I don't know his name, okay?

- He uses different kids every time...

- His name!

Nice.

Poh Boy.

He goes by the name Poh Boy.

Hey, fellas. Beautiful day, huh?

Believe this sh*t?

F*** you, homes. You trespassing.

You come straight out of a comic book.

Somebody didn't get enough love

as a child.

This'll make you feel warm and fuzzy.

I ain't some kid you're gonna

just come shove off a bike, pig.

- Wow, you saw that?

- That's right, cell phone b*tch.

You know how many hits I got?

That many hits.

Now, if you don't start respecting 5-0...

...you gonna make me get

my hit count up.

We wanna know where Poh Boy is.

Don't do it, homes. Don't f***ing do it.

- Who?

- You know where Poh Boy is?

- He's French.

- Oh.

Well, Pierre, fee-fee, foo-foo,

volly froo.

Dijon mustard, motherf***er.

We going in. Come on.

Jesus.

Oh, he got your card.

You guys like my diamond vault, right?

And baseball is played

on a diamond. Get it?

So who was it

that named you after the sandwich?

Your mom or your dad?

How can I be of service to you, officers?

I want my baseball card.

- What card might that be?

- Don't play cute with us.

And don't you raise your voice

in my house.

Because if such a card exists, then...

...you know,

it might easily get destroyed.

- So you do have it.

- I ain't say that.

What if someone did?

Are we still playing what-ifs?

All right, what if you had to

make some sort of deal to get it back?

What if we arrest your ass?

What if your house caught on fire?

What if your Andy Pafko card...

...accidentally falls

into a running garbage disposal?

I think I just had the scariest

"what if," homes.

What kind of deal you talking about?

Deal. Man. Let's call it a favor.

- Nothing illegal.

- No.

No, someone stole my vehicle, officer.

This car has tremendous

sentimental value to me.

All I want is for you to do

what cops are supposed to do...

...and find my f***ing car.

- So the car for the card.

- If you could get me my car back...

...then perhaps Seor Pafko makes his

way back to you.

- And safe at home.

- Oh, f*** this.

Give us the card, or I'm gonna go

berserk in this motherf***er.

Watch this, man. Boys.

You like that?

Yeah, we practiced that sh*t for an hour.

So shoot. Go ahead.

You might get me.

So...

...what kind of car are we talking about?

Those the two from the phone store?

JUAN:

Calculated risk, baby brother.

I need that car.

So you follow them.

You know the bonobo chimpanzee...

...is the only non-human primate

that has oral sex?

Where do you find the time

to watch the Animal Planet?

I'm with you 25 hours a day.

I have to feed this.

I have to feed this, okay?

Well, you're a compendium

of f***ing useless information.

Well, I don't wanna look at reality TV

because that's the bowels of Hollywood.

I f***ing hate reality TV.

You're right, it f***ing blows.

And I like to see chimpanzees

getting head.

You got a point.

Here we go.

So this guy's the biggest car thief

in Brooklyn.

Let's be careful.

You just scratched my ride.

- What the hell are you doing, Tommy?

- Driving, b*tch.

- Get out the car.

- Because I'm black?

- No, because you're 10.

- Eleven.

- Get out.

- I was wearing my seat belt.

Get out of the car,

you little repeat offender.

F***.

We need to know about the Mercedes

that was stolen a couple of nights ago...

...in the back of the mini-mart.

I ain't telling you sh*t.

And you can't do sh*t. Because I'm a minor.

F*** you too,

Professor X-looking motherf***er.

You are an angry young man.

- Messing with my business, b*tch.

- Whose car is this?

- Your mama's.

- You mother...

- What?

- You know, I will smack the black off you.

- You can't do anything to me.

- Tell us about the stolen Mercedes Benz.

- I'm not telling you nothing.

- You tell me something or...

Motherf***er.

I told you be careful.

Paul, did you just punch a little child?

There's things you don't know about me. F***

a little kid up if he kick me in the dick.

Come on. Let's go.

I'm gonna throw you in the river.

- Sick of this. Let's go.

- Tell us about the stolen car.

- F*** you.

- I hope your ass could swim.

Better yet...

...I should take you home

and tell your mom what you've been up to.

- No. She'll beat my ass.

- Tell me about the Mercedes.

It wasn't me. But I know the guys

who stole it. They sold it to a lawyer.

- You all right?

- Ouch.

- Give me the name.

- Kapanowski. Something crazy.

He's Russian. I can get you the address.

Just don't take me home.

Get that address.

I'm 11 and I got a better phone

than you.

Broke-ass b*tch. Yo.

Whoa. Tongues are cut out.

Yeah, that's a big thing

with the Latin gangs.

They like to remove the tongues

so you can't repent your sins...

...to Jesus in the afterlife.

So, what are these boys?

Salvadoran? Honduran?

Rudels. That makes them

Mexican nationals.

Intricate stitching, higher heel,

skin usually of an endangered species.

- In this case, goddamn it, sea turtle.

- How the hell do you know that?

I know boots.

- Those are great.

- Thank you.

I might be thinking about getting a pair.

- No, sir. These boots would wear you.

- You don't mean that.

Let me ask you a question, cop-to-cop.

What size do you think those are?

I'm a 10.

You might wanna...

Never wear a dead man's boots.

That is a world of bad luck

you do not want a part of.

Sorry. And thank you.

So, maybe we should find out what got

these hombres in so much hot salsa.

Gentlemen.

Still don't understand how he got

the rooster to play the piano.

He just puts a little chicken feed on

the keys that he wants the chicken to peck...

...so he can play a song.

- It's not that complicated.

- I'm gonna be the bad guy.

No, you're not. You f***ed up

your whole performance last time.

Bullshit. I was totally believable.

- I've been working on my acting.

- That's not acting.

Homage.

- I'm playing the bad guy.

- You ain't.

No. You ain't.

Jimmy, you sucker-punching

piece of sh*t.

What are you doing?

No, please, don't. No. No. No.

Hey, are you a lawyer?

Hey. Are you a lawyer?

Get over here!

- You, come here.

- Don't kill me. No, no!

Take her, please. Take her.

No. She's more valuable.

She won't scream.

- Drop the gun.

- Put that gun down, copper.

- I am a hostage negotiator. I'm a police.

- Put it down.

Please, citizens,

stand away from that criminal.

- Not a step further, copper.

- Easy, big fella.

Easy.

- Easy.

- Easy, big fellow.

- We don't wanna... Easy.

- Easy, big...

- Shut up.

- Easy. Simmer down. Simmer down...

I killed 11 people today.

I don't care. I'll kill more.

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