Corky Romano

Gentlemen,

here's what we're up against.

Romano, Francis A.

Also known as "Pops. "

Alleged leader

of the Romano crime family...

with a network

of racketeering...

prostitution,

and underground casinos...

polluting the tri-state area.

This is Paulie Romano,

Pops' oldest son.

He's popular with the ladies

and good with a knife.

Though Paulie seems to have

those around him fooled...

sources indicate he is

functionally illiterate...

and has

an inferiority complex...

Leading to unexpected

outbursts of violence.

Peter Romano,

Pops' youngest son...

and the alleged muscle

of the family.

Spent time upstate

after a barroom incident.

Though he hides it well,

word is he's got...

deeply repressed

homosexual tendencies...

also leading to unexpected

outbursts of violence.

Leo Corrigan,

Pops' right hand man.

He's our informant still

inside the family circle.

With the information

we've received from Leo...

We've finally got Pops Romano

right where we want him.

Mr. Romano! Mr. Romano!

OK, OK, OK.

Hold it, hold it.

What's your response

to the charges against you?

What we have here

is a modern-day witch hunt.

The only thing

my client is guilty of...

is having a vowel

at the end of his name.

Pops, what do you think...

about spending the rest

of your life in prison?

Pops?

- Pops!

- Pops!

- Help!

- Get an ambulance!

- Pops, get up!

- Call an ambulance!

Stop that!

Stop it!

Get out of here. Stop it!

Hey, what's all this

lying around crap?

Get out of bed, you old faker.

Bet you got scotch

in this I.V., huh?

Ah, Leo, I'm gettin' old.

I can't even remember

doing half of this sh*t...

they're trying to pin on me.

- Eh...

- Pop, the trial's in a week.

I mean, they claim

they got an airtight case-

names, dates, numbers-info

on the whole organization.

Well, the only way

they could get that...

is if they had an informant.

No. They must've sent

some fed in undercover.

Undercover? God damn it.

Undercover.

All right.

They put somebody undercover.

We'll put somebody

undercover...

to destroy that evidence.

Wait, we can't do that.

Who the hell we going to send?

They got pictures and files

on us...

and everybody we deal with.

They can't possibly

know everybody.

I got someone.

- Can we trust him?

- He's family.

Whoa, whoa, Leo,

you're not talking about Corky.

Corky is dead for me.

Pops, you should've

smothered him in his crib.

Face the facts, guys.

There is no one else.

Right now, he's our best bet.

The kid's got to have at least

one family gene in him.

Today's

another day to find you

Shyin' away

I'll be comin'

for your love, OK?

Take on me...

Watch it, a**hole!

Morning, Hank!

Take me on, take on me

I'll be gone

In a day or two

So, needless to say

I'm odds and ends

But I'll be stumblin' away

Poodles and Pussies.

- Corky.

- Hey, Dr. Kipper, how are you?

Corky, things are a little

slow around here today.

I'm wondering,

could you take over for me?

I have a very important

appointment with...

uh, it's a dentist.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Uh-oh.

Someone's got the trots.

Corky, are you a mind reader?

No. I just saw some business

in the parking lot...

and it looked fresh.

Judging by consistency

and pigmentation...

I could tell it came

from a cat, probably calico.

Hello, Mr. Langford,

how are you?

High five, Oscar.

High five, high five.

Oh, let me guess-arthritis?

How did you know?

I saw him shifting his weight

off his paw, but don't worry.

We'll have him up

and sniffing butts in no time.

My God, Connie,

your hair looks beautiful.

Ho ho! I accidentally

threw it in the wash...

that had a red shirt in it.

- Ha ha ha!

- I see you brought Pierre.

- Bonjour,Pierre.

- Bonjour.

Ohh.

He's our only reason

for living.

I understand.

He's one of the good ones.

I am here with my baby,

Jesus, for his checkup.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Mrs. Hernandez...

We'll have to put him

on a little macrobiotic diet...

of seaweed and barley.

Plus, you'll have

to administer vitamins...

six times a day-rectally.

Oh.

Kill my baby.

Oh, no, no, no.

You don't have to.

Please. He's lived long enough.

I just can't kill things,

though.

I just can't.

I could find him a home.

No. Kill him!

Oh, my little baby.

Oh, my baby, my baby.

You know, when I lose a pet...

I like to pour myself

a little sleepytime tea.

Do it!

OK.

Oh, eee.

Oh, I'm-

I'm sorry.

Let me just get-

just wipe off the...

Wipe off with paper towels.

Oh! Uh...

Sorry. Aah! Ow! That's hot!

I'm sorry. I'm-

All right.

That's a good bird.

OK.

OK, here we go.

There you go.

Here's your mom.

Here you go.

Florence, a little help!

OK. There you go.

Right up there.

There you go.

Pierre!

Baby Jesus! Pierre!

Pierre!

Oh.

What are you doing

under there?

Come on, get out of there.

Come on, come on.

Let go-Uhh!

Ahh.

Pierre.

Let go, baby Jesus.

Let go. Let go. Let go.

Come on. Let go!

Let go, baby Jesus. Let go.

Let go, baby Jesus. Let go.

- Poodles and Pussies.

- Let go, baby Jesus.

Corky, you have a phone call.

Come on.

I'm a little busy right now.

- It's your brother.

- Come on.

Hug? Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

How's dad doing?

Not good, and he's waiting

for you upstairs.

OK.

Hey, Paulie. How are ya?

You look fit.

What the hell

is that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

We're going to start over, OK?

It's nice to see you, buddy.

Well... that was nice.

- Corky.

- Papa.

Hi, papa.

I brought you something.

Black Beauty by Anna Sewell.

This is the very same copy...

that you and mom used

to read to me when I was sick.

What is it, papa?

You want to say something?

You're kneeling

on my air tube, a**hole.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I got it. I-I'm so sorry.

I got it now. I got-

I got it.

This thing's slippery.

Heh heh!

Ahh. Ay yi yi.

Come on, Pops,

this is ridiculous.

Look at him. He should be

wearing a helmet.

Corky, come here.

I'm not going to lie

to you anymore.

I'm not a landscaper.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Get your head out of the sand,

sh*t for brains.

How many landscapers

you know...

get paid in briefcases

full of cash, huh?

Oh, you-you do do

some landscaping though, right?

I dabble in

money laundering, gambling...

and the occasional landscaping.

Now, look, son...

I know you're not comfortable

with the family business...

but we don't have much time.

I want you to go undercover

as an FBI agent...

and destroy the evidence

against me.

Oh.

But I have animals

that depend on me.

We'll send someone

to fill in for you.

Do you really think I'm

the most qualified? I mean...

The consensus is that

you're the least qualified...

but you're family.

Could I, uh...

could I-could I-

could I think about this?

What's to think about, Corky?

Can't you see Pops

swallowed his pride...

just asking you to do this?

When's the last time you lifted

a finger for this family?

It's just all-You know,

it's all happening so fast.

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