Cornered! Page #3

Well, tell me. Like what?

Uh, so the burger facility reward card,

that sounds like an interesting concept.

I'm telling you,

it's got the potential to be huge.

But let me tell you something

about McDonald's.

They pulled that bathroom stunt

on me so many times,

I've taken my business

elsewhere,

- in principal.

- Oh, please, Steve.

I have seen your car, and it is full

of empty McDonald's cartons.

That's why I said "in principle",

brainiac. Of course I still eat there.

They're the only ones

who have the Big Mac.

But inside, I'm no longer

the loyal customer I used to be.

I don't owe them sh*t. You think

I'm the only one that thinks that way?

Thousands who have strayed

from the path...

because McDonald's was too cheap

to let them use their...

- Hello. Nurse Moore speaking.

- Let me tell you something.

Once the first burger joint takes it on,

they'll all have to take on it.

What is your choice

of pleasure?

- Uh-huh.

- Burger facility reward card.

I guess I'm qualified to do that.

- Ooh.

- Hey.

- What the hell's going on?

- I'm just showing her how to play, man.

- She's never played before.

- Well, don't, man.

There's money on the table,

for Christ's sakes.

Oh, what do

I look like?

- Well, I'm 27.

- In the '80s.

I will beat your ass.

I'm 27,

with long auburn hair...

that people say complements

my milky white complexion.

And underneath my tight,

tight nurse's uniform,

I'm wearing a 40 double-D cup bra.

What happened? Fast shooter?

- Mm-mm. His wife just came in.

- Oh, please.

So, do you ever get a guy...

You ever get him, like, mixed up?

You have some guy call you, and he, um...

he wants you to be a policewoman...

- and wants you to handcuff him?

- Mm-mm. I'm a professional, honey.

Caller I.D. tells me

what I'm supposed to be.

You should run it like 911.

You know,

start a service like...

"For blow jobs, press 1.

"For handjobs, dial 2.

"For back door, press 3.

And for missionary, press 4."

How boring... missionary.

No, seriously. Have you gotten

a guy calling in. He's calling from...

- I don't know, across...

- Ey, Ey, what's with all the questions?

What, are you trying to

compete with her?

There might be a niche in the market

for fat clerks with a doughnut fetish.

Oh, don't get all snippy

'cause you're losing.

Yeah, loser.

Read 'em and weep, guys.

Hey.

Kiss my doughnut hole.

Like this.

Oh, God. Jesus, Steve,

you're disgusting.

I'm disgusting?

You're the one who said you were

gonna blow him when he turned 25.

I said I'd organize his party.

- What?

- And thanks for spoiling the surprise.

All right,

coming around the horn. Jimmy.

Steve.

I need another beer.

Does anyone want anything else

from downstairs?

All right.

Thanks.

Mona Moore

will give you more pleasure.

Oh!

It's Clyde.

I've been a bad girl,

haven't I?

You saw the light

from under the door...

when you were making

your rounds.

You opened the door

and caught me.

That's right.

You caught me stealing

the petty cash.

What, again?

That's the third time this week.

You caught me

fair and square.

No, the guy's

got no imagination.

You're not gonna tell on me,

are you, Clyde?

Mm-hmm.

So, why doesn't the company

check the phone bills or something?

Oh! He's the night guard.

He's got keys to all the departments.

Never uses

the same phone twice.

Please don't tell

on me, Clyde.

There's got to be some way

I can make it up to you.

I.R.S. headquarters.

It's a lot of f***ing phones.

Yeah, that's where all our money goes...

funding jerk-off lines.

Mm-hmm.

- Did you hear that?

- I'll do anything, Clyde.

- Who...

- I told you we're closed!

Oh, Clyde, please.

Not the panties as well.

What do you want me

to take my panties off for?

So he can wear 'em

underneath his uniform.

Will you shut the f*** up?

Oh, Clyde.

That didn't sound like

it was coming from the front.

Is that wide enough, Clyde?

Sounded like it was coming

from the side door or something.

Don't worry about it.

This place is locked down.

Oh, no, Clyde, please.

Don't ask me to do that.

Don't make me beg for it.

- What the f*** was that?

- I feel so humiliated.

It's nothing. Play, play.

Okay. I'll say it.

Give it to me, Clyde.

Give it to me now. Yes.

Yes! Oh, Clyde.

You know how I like it.

Oh, yes, Clyde. Oh, yes.

It's just some kids

trashing a car.

Put it

in my dirty mouth.

You wanna hear

what it sounds like, Clyde?

Damn it, Donny. You're as bad as Steve.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

You like that, Clyde?

Are we playing cards

or sucking d*cks here?

It's her job, Steve.

Yeah, well, this is my job, but you don't

see me bringing in the customers...

- and giving them blow jobs.

- You're the boss.

Mmm. Mm-mm.

Oh!

Oh! Mmm.

- What the f*** was that?

- I'll check it out.

- Sit down.

- Geez Louise. I'll go, okay? My goodness.

And stay outta that

freezer down there.

Haven't you had enough ice cream

for one night?

Ah, f*** you too.

Please, Clyde,

I'm just a secretary...

trying to earn a living.

I needed the money.

I made a mistake.

Haven't I suffered enough?

Please, Clyde.

Not with the nightstick.

Okay, Clyde. Okay.

You're the boss.

Yeah. I'm doing that.

I'm leaning over the desk.

Yeah. I've got my dress

pulled up real high.

Yeah. I see you

coming at me...

with that big ol' nightstick.

You're coming at me,

and I'm spreading my legs

real wide.

Yeah. I'm still here, Clyde.

Oh, Clyde. Oh, baby.

I know it's wrong.

It's so wrong, but it feels so right.

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh, I think I'm gonna...

Ooh! Oh my God,

I think I'm gonna...

She's been gone a while.

Stop worrying, will ya?

Sh*t!

Jimmy. F***ing a**hole.

Where the hell are you?

Jimmy, I'm gonna give you

F***! Sh*t.

What was that?

I don't hear anything.

- Please, Steve, can you just go...

- Donny Doughnut,

haul your ass downstairs

and see what's keeping Money Mona.

Why me?

Because I said so.

And if she's got her head in that freezer

again, tell her I'm gonna kill her.

Mona,

what are you doing?

Mona?

- Is she okay?

- Yeah, she's fine.

Still talking to that Clyde guy.

That guy must have balls

like f***ing watermelons, huh?

Hey, Steve, there's something wrong

with that camera.

Yeah, right.

What is with that camera?

A minute ago, it was all out of focus.

Now look at it.

Ah, shitty Chinese junk.

And where's Mona?

Something's not right.

Five minutes ago, the kid saw her

still milking that security guy.

Mona?

You there?

Mona?

Steve, the lights are out

down here!

- What?

- The lights... they're out!

Find the fuse box!

It's in the stockroom

just behind the door!

Thanks, Steve.

Mona?

Where the hell are you?

I swear to God,

if you're gonna jump out at me,

I have pepper spray,

and I'm not afraid to use it.

Holy... Oh, sh*t!

Oh, Donny!

Oh, God! Jess!

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, you crazy...

What do you mean,

she just got in a cab and left?

Like I told you, some a**hole

was blaring his horn.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes