Corpse Bride Page #5

VICTOR:

Pardon me, fellows, I'm going to be sick.

The Hanged Man takes a verse.

HANGED MAN:

AS A WIFE SHE'LL BE PERFECT,

NO WORRIES 'BOUT THAT!

SHE'LL NEVER GET OLDER,

SHE'LL NEVER GET FAT!

SHE CAN'T GET MUCH COLDER --

WHO WOULDN'T LIKE THAT?

MRS. PLUM

WOULD YOU MIND FOR A MOMENT

REMOVING YOUR HAT?

Mrs. Plum SMACKS the Hanged Man with the soup ladle.

Maggot pops out of the Corpse Bride's eye socket.

MAGGOT:

(chanting)

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES BURIED!

RIGOR. MORTIS, THEN YOU'RE MARRIED!

BLACK WIDOW:

HAPPY HUSBAND HUNTING GROUNDS

IN THE EARTH WHERE LOVE ABOUNDS!

BONEJANGLES:

TODAY THERE IS LAUGHTER

THROUGHOUT THE HEREAFTER

IN HER TOMB IN THE GLOOM

THERE'S A GROOM BY HER SIDE!

ALL:

AND SO THEN IN CLOSING

AS WE KEEP DECOMPOSING

THINGS TURNED OUT QUITE WELL FOR

THE LOVELY CORPSE BRIDE!

The pub is swirling with activity as the Dead dance and laugh.

The song ends. The Corpse Bride plants a big kiss on Victor's cheek. He is absolutely stunned.

CUT TO:

The village square is dark, except for a few lights coming from Everglot Mansion.

All is silent, but for the HACKING COUGH coming from Mayhew, who sits shivering on the Van Dorts' carriage parked in the drive.

CUT TO:

INT. VICTORIA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Victoria is sewing together several patches of material to make the corner of the quilt. So far, it's only as big as her lap. Hildegarde attends her, clearly concerned for the girl.

VICTORIA:

Perhaps the Pastor was right. And Victor doesn't want to marry me.

She casts her patchwork aside.

VICTORIA:

I'm being silly. He's bound to have turned up by now. Right?

Victoria gets up and walks to the door, followed by Hildegarde.

CUT TO:

INT. EVERGLOT DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT

The Van Dorts and the Everglots are gathered in the drawing room. Victoria enters, staying close to the doorway.

NELL:

I'm sure he'll be back shortly. He's terrified of the dark. In fact, when he was a boy he used

to...

The Butler announces a new visitor:

BUTLER:

Master Barkis!

Barkis enters the room and walks over to Finis.

BARKIS:

May I have a word with you, sir?

FINIS:

(without moving)

Yes. Go on.

Barkis beckons the Town Crier into the room.

BARKIS:

Tell them what you told me.

The Town Crier RINGS his BELL, as loud as he ever does in the square. He speaks in the same deafening tones.

Everyone else flinches from the volume. OBJECTS RATTLE and fall off shelves.

TOWN CRIER:

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! VICTOR VAN DORT SEEN THIS NIGHT ON THE BRIDGE IN THE ARMS OF A MYSTERY WOMAN. THE DARK-HAIRED TEMPTRESS AND MASTER VAN DORT, 19, SLIPPED AWAY INTO THE NIGHT! AND NOW THE WEATHER -­

BARKIS:

Enough.

The Town Crier leaves the room.

Everyone is stunned -- especially Victoria.

NELL:

Mystery woman? He doesn't even know any women!

BARKIS:

Or so you thought. But alas, he has gone.

VICTORIA:

Victor...

BARKIS:

Do call for me if you need any assistance -- in any way.

Barkis eyes Victoria, the same way a cat looks at a pet parakeet. He then takes his leave.

MAUDELINE:

Oh, the humiliation! Who else knows about this? Good heavens, Finis, what shall we do?

FINIS:

Fetch my musket!

NELL:

(frantically)

William, do something!

WILLIAM:

(clears his throat)

Look, the Town Crier probably just had a slow news day. You know how it is. You need something to cry about -­

FINIS:

(cuts him off)

Regardless, we are one groom short for the wedding tomorrow!

(under his breath)

Not to mention the financial implications.

MAUDELINE:

A most scandalous embarrassment for us all! And with my relatives due to arrive. This is most dreadful.

NELL:

Give us a chance to find him.

WILLIAM:

We beg of you. Just give us until dawn.

In the b.g., Finis is hopping up and down. Grabbing for the musket that hangs on the wall, a bit too high for him to reach.

MAUDELINE:

Very well. 'Til dawn.

She RINGS for the Butler. The Van Dorts hastily get up and back out, bowing.

NELL:

Thank you! Thank you! I am sure there must be some explanation. We will find him.

(sotto)

And when we do, he'll wish he were...

CUT TO:

INT. PUB (LAND OF THE DEAD) - PERPETUAL TWILIGHT

VICTOR:

Dead! Demised... expired...

Victor and the Corpse Bride sit at a secluded table, romantically lit with candles. The mood is much more relaxed than before. The BAND plays romantic DINNER MUSIC.

Paul the Head Waiter hops up. He speaks with a French accent.

PAUL THE HEAD WAITER

My name ees Paul, I am ze head waiter. I will be creating your wedding feast. Now, are zer any special dietary requirements?

VICTOR:

I'm allergic to artichokes. Not that it matters anymore. Being that I've kicked the bucket. Shuffled off this mortal coil...

Corpse Bride and Paul exchange a glance.

PAUL THE HEAD WAITER

The young man is confused. You are not dead. You are just married!

VICTOR:

Very funny.

CORPSE BRIDE:

No, really. It's true.

Corpse Bride holds Victor's hand over the candle on the table.

VICTOR:

Ouch!

CORPSE BRIDE:

Feel better?

VICTOR:

(rubs his hand)

That hurt. But wait, that must mean... I'm not dead? I'm still alive? I'm alive!

BIG CORPSE:

Don't rub it in, pal.

The Corpse Bride smiles, happy to see Victor happy.

VICTOR:

But how can a living person marry a dead person?

CORPSE BRIDE:

By making a vow! Which you did!

VICTOR:

But I'm already supposed to marry Victoria.

CORPSE BRIDE:

I'm sure she'll get over it. There are lots of living people up there.

Sensing Victor is unconvinced, the Bride takes a more sympathetic approach.

CORPSE BRIDE:

This Victoria. Did you love her?

VICTOR:

(a little wistful)

I never had a chance to find out. Truth is, we hardly know anything about each other.

CORPSE BRIDE:

The thing is, Victor. I know a lot about you. I've watched you wandering through the woods, sketching...

VICTOR:

You have? When?

CORPSE BRIDE:

Haven't you ever felt like you weren't alone, even when you were? Or saw something out of the corner of your eye and turned and it wasn't there?

VICTOR:

Yes.

CORPSE BRIDE:

It was me.

Victor is strangely touched.

CORPSE BRIDE:

We live in these two different worlds, but they overlap sometimes. I think we were meant to find each other.

VICTOR:

I don't even know your name.

CORPSE BRIDE:

I can't believe... in all the excitement. It's Emily.

(beat)

I also have a little wedding gift for you.

The Corpse Bride WHISTLES. Out comes a little skeleton dog, wagging its tail, very happy to see Victor.

VICTOR:

Scraps! My dog Scraps!

SCRAPS JUMPS UP and starts LICKING Victor.

CORPSE BRIDE:

I knew you'd be happy to see him.

With manic energy, the little dog tears around the bar, knocking over glasses before leaping back into Victor's lap.

Hearing the RUCKUS, Mrs. Plum emerges from the kitchen, waving her soup ladle.

MRS. PLUM

Who let that horrid beast in here?

PAUL THE HEAD WAITER

(looking at Victor)

He came in with the dog.

VICTOR:

(to Mrs. Plum)

I'm afraid he's mine. Well, was... Scraps was my dog when I was a boy.

MRS. PLUM

Keep him out of my kitchen! Who knows where he's been.

She turns back through the kitchen door, maggots and flies swarm over her bluish-grey flesh.

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