Cougar Club

(rock music playing )

Liberate me,

liberate me

Liberate me, liberate me...

Around the sun

On the run

Nothing can stop me...

- ( loud kissing )

- Man:
You've got your whole life

- ahead of you.

- Woman:
Yeah.

- People you are still gonna meet.

- Woman:
I know.

Whole college experience

still in front of you.

- Woman:
Mmm, you're right.

- Mmm.

Woman:
You promise

you're gonna write and call me?

Hogan! Man, what the hell

are you doing?

- They're already on the Ds.

- ( Hogan groans )

- Mm-hmm. Sh*t.

- Mmm.

Hello, Professor Goodbey.

- ( moans )

- Come on.

We gotta go.

Gladys, I'm never

gonna forget you.

- You're so hot.

- No no no.

All right. Sorry.

- I love you.

- I love you, Gladys.

Man over P.A.:

Rebecca Gephardt.

Indigo Goldstein.

Thank you very much, sir.

Liberate me...

Dag Griffiths.

Well done.

- Hi!

- Hey.

- Oh, lip gloss.

- Man:
Chris Grizma, magna cum laude.

( whispering )

Hey, where were you?

We were supposed

to take pictures before the ceremony!

- Moffy Gurner.

- I know. Uh... um...

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- Cindy Guilley.

- Here.

Open it and put it on.

Oh my God.

That is so sweet, Spence.

- Man:
Rebecca Hartowicz.

- Oh.

- Oh...

- Man:
Hello, Rebecca.

Let me see it.

( gasps )

- Oh...

- That's nice.

F*** off, Hogan!

- Marshall Hogan lll.

- That is my name. I must go.

Sh*t, I think I caught my dress.

Did I rip something?

- ( flatulence )

- Oh.

You're such an ingrate, Hogan!

Spencey, please meet me

in the quad

after the ceremony

for pictures with my family, okay?

This is the photo that will define us

for the rest of our lives--

where we met and fell in love.

- ( chuckles )

- ( giggles )

Spencer Holmes,

with honors.

Okay, I'll see you there.

I love you.

Mmm...

( moans )

Congratulations.

Ladies and gentlemen,

meet our business class graduates.

( sighs ) It's just not the same

as standing in the quad

- in our cap and gown.

- Oh, I'm sorry,

- but I had to take Hogan home.

- Mmm.

You know he has a problem

dumping in public bathrooms.

- Nice image, thanks.

- Okay, look.

We have a photo in front

of my childhood tree house

I built when I was nine.

Isn't that good enough?

- It's just not the same.

- ( sighs )

- Let's go get a drink.

- Okay.

- ( sighs )

- ( sighs )

Hey, can I get a beer

and a shot of tequila and a--

a thumb in the ass

for my girlfriend?

Look, all our problems revolve

around your geriatric-loving

loser creep of a friend.

And as soon as you outgrow him,

the sooner you'll be

- to reaching your potential.

- Just enough with Hogan, please.

No. No, Spencey.

If you spend the rest of your life

associating yourself

with that vermin,

you will become

that vermin.

Spencey-- hey, I love you,

I just want

what's best for you.

- I love you too. You know--

- Mmm...

( woman laughing )

Oh my God.

I'll be right back.

Just so you know,

he will not be in our wedding.

( laughing )

What is that young man

doing out there with Edith?

I never saw anybody dance like that.

Hey, are you sure they're dancing?

If they're not,

he owes me some f***ing money!

- Hogan, what the hell are you doing?

- Spence!

- I'd like you to meet Edith Birnbaum.

- Spence!

Hello. Marshall here says

I'm the hottest chick at the party.

- What do you think?

- Yeah.

- Whoo!

- Hogan, I'm sorry.

- I gotta borrow him for one minute.

- Ooh.

- One second, we'll be right back.

- What?

Do you really think

it's wise to get all grindy

with our future boss's wife?

Dude, she is so f***ing fine

and you know it!

Look at that little tush.

Look at her tushy.

- I don't understand you.

- Hey, how's the graduation boy doing?

Hey, all right.

Hey, thanks-- thanks

for the party, Dad.

Yeah, my pleasure, son.

My pleasure.

Yeah, Dad, thank you.

You really outdid yourself.

Just remember to mention

Stan Birnbaum in your speech today.

The guy never leaves

his frigging hospital.

He came out for your graduation

because he believes in you, son.

We'll get you at Yale Law in no time.

Stan, it's my boy right here!

Here he is!

Stan. Nobody is more connected

to Yale Law than Stan Birnbaum.

Thank you for putting in a good word

for me, by the way.

Mrs. Holmes is responsible

for that, Marshall.

Maybe you should talk to her.

- Don't forget, Spence.

- ( stomach grumbles )

( burps )

Guess I lost that bet

we had two years ago.

- What-- what bet?

- I bet you wouldn't graduate.

Oh, yeah? Oh.

- Okay.

- Now I have to show you my tits.

- Really? That's so great!

- Mm-hmm.

- Excuse me.

- Do you wanna touch them?

Yes. Oh!

Hi, sweet-- oh, hello.

Who's this pretty thing?

Casey Dixon.

Oh, aren't you just

the most charming girl?

It's nice to see you two

getting along so well.

Spencey, cake in 10 minutes.

Thanks, Mom.

Ahem, excuse me.

- Where's Hogan?

- Uh...

I don't know.

- ( feedback )

- Thank you all for being here today.

First, I'd like to take

this opportunity

to thank my parents for all

the love and support they've given me.

- I couldn't be more blessed.

- ( applauding )

I would also like to thank

my girlfriend Amanda

- for all the lov--

- Oh. Whoo-hoo!

- ( laughs )

- I'll begin work next week

at Birnbaum, Arthur,

Hollace, Craft & Steel.

Uh, that's Birnbaum, Hollace,

- Arthur, Craft & Steel.

- ( laughing )

I'm sorry.

I should probably learn that.

In any case, I am very grateful

to you, Mr. Birnbaum,

and I look forward to working

for you and learning a great deal.

- ( Edith moaning )

- What can I say?

- I'm a very lucky man.

- ( wood groans )

- ( screams )

- ( all gasp )

- Amanda:
Eww.

- ( murmuring )

- Woman:
Oh my God.

- Man:
Busted.

Uh...

- Sorry.

- ( clamoring )

( pants )

- Well...

- You okay?

...I don't think I ever actually begged

a man before today.

Well, what did Mr. Birnbaum say?

( choked )

I'm sorry, Spence, but, uh...

he will no longer require

your services at his firm.

( sighs )

What about me?

Would he require my services?

( yelling )

Dad! Dad.

- ( Mrs. Holmes sighs )

- ( grunts )

You know what, Dad?

It's okay, I got accepted into Baker.

- Maybe I should--

- Mr. Holmes:
Nonsense!

No one's heard of Baker!

We are gonna solve this one.

- Mm-hmm.

- There's a man at the club.

- Oh.

- Barry Stack is his name.

- He's an 18-holer, fine man.

- Uh-huh. Oh... Oh!

A Yalie and he's head

of the biggest divorce firm in LA.

- See?

- Not as connected as Birnbaum,

but that's okay.

I'll make a call on your behalf.

- Spence:
Thanks, Dad.

- Yeah.

What about Marshall?

Well, he's practically family, Fred.

And I'm sure he's very sorry

for what happened, aren't you, dear?

Yes, I am. I really--

I truly am, ma'am-- Mom.

Come on, Dad.

Give him another chance.

- Fine.

- Spence:
Yes.

- Oh.

- Fine fine fine. If he screws this up,

- he's our punter this month.

- No problem.

And for you, son, I would be

disappointed beyond repair.

- ( stomach rumbling )

- ( burping )

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