Coup de torchon Page #7

About time she's gone.

Aren't you done yet?

- What's taking you so long today?

- I'm drinking my coffee.

If you only bothered to look,

you'd see it's true.

Drink it somewhere else.

You're serving lunch in a bit,

so why should I get up now?

O. K, stay there.

I'm off to the hairdresser now and

I won't be back for your lunch.

How's she gonna turn up this time?

You spoil my appetite.

What are the odds

that war's declared?

You really want it?

Yeah! I waited so long!

- But you'll have to fight.

- Think so?

They'll put you straight in with

the Senegalese fusiliers

But I'm not from Senegal!

And the black units

are the shock troops.

Highest casualty rate!

Oh yeah?

I guess a war's

not so good...

I'll clear out.

But I'd need money.

I don't got any.

But I got a friend who does.

A friend?

My sister's husband.

- I didn't know he was your friend.

- Well, if you weren't...

I'd tell Huguette

all about you and Rose.

Poor Nono... What supposedly

happened is nothing.

Absolutely nothing compared

to what might happen very soon.

I've lost a button. I'm looking for needle

and thread.

Found it?

Please put it back in order,

so Huguette doesn't have to do it,

because I won't be here tonight.

And don't look for the money.

I've taken it all.

Coming! I'm just getting some ice.

Last night I dreamt God,

had turned into a black,

just as Marcaillou was

on his way to Heaven.

So that fool didn't even

try to get in.

He said "Such rotten luck.

I get killed,

my wife fucks around,

and God's a n*gger!"

This is the kind of dream you have

after eating too much mutton stew.

Fakir Birman's horoscope!

Look, Pisces, that's my sign.

"You will soon make a voyage

for romantic reasons."

- Where'll we go?

- That's last year's paper!

So what? The words are still there.

Do you think we still have a chance

in the next world? You, Huguette, myself,

all the blacks full of good will

and that counted so little?

My dream made you say that?

Maybe.

Want to come with me?

Where?

To eat fish by the river.

I thought we'd go farther.

You're eating at home.

In fact, you're late. My dinner's burning!

Sure you won't come?

I'm sure!

Too bad!

- See you later, darling!

- See you!

Over there.

I'm worried! He tore

my room apart before he left.

I've never seen him like this.

He was crazy.

You didn't see him?

I keep telling you he's not here!

Of course, he might be

in the cupboard.

Just 'cause he's not

isn't any proof!

- You don't know where he went?

- Haven't seen him since last night.

Since last night!

And that hat there,

did it walk in alone?

So you sleep with the creep.

It's too disgusting!

And you and Nono?

- It's not the same. I love Nono.

- Sugar, sugar...

Don't change subject! I'll make you

spit it out. Where's the dough!

I don't know.

Where's my money?

That money's mine, not his.

I saved it up

to get the hell out.

I deserve some good times...

to see the Riviera...

I didn't spend 15 years here to be ripped

off by a whore like you. I'm warning you!

I never saw your money!

You seen Nono's hands?

What's wrong with them?

He can get nasty, Nono! One

last time, where's my dough?

That's enough!

Shut your f***ing face...

and if you move, I'll clean

the sh*t outta your brains!

- What'd she say?

- Don't listen do it!

- Do what?

- Give her one! She'll talk.

Don't touch me.

Let me go, you bastard!

My money!

Mama!

Don't let her go!

Colonel!

Tramichel. Tra as in tralala...

War's been declared!

I heard it on the wireless!

How distressing.

It's just like Daladier

to pull a trick like that.

It's typical...

I just knew it...

Of course... Daladier...

Until we get our orders,

we'll have to make do.

Get out from under my legs.

They're nice but a bit...

clinging.

Attention!

War has just been declared

between France and Germany!

General mobilization!

Lucien, it's awful.

Huguette... Nono...

I know, I was there.

You saw everything?

Let's say I heard everything.

It's the same.

And you did nothing?

Why should I? Coffee?

Why... to stop me.

It wasn't up to me to stop you.

It was up to you, to Huguette,

Nono, Marcaillou.

I might lead you into temptation, but is

this a good enough reason not to stop?

I just help people to reveal

their real nature.

It's a dirty job, Rose!

And you might very well say I deserve

all the dirty pleasure I get out of it.

Aren't you ashamed of speaking like this?

That's yet another aspect of my business,

enjoying other people's misery.

You've gone completely insane!

No, quite the opposite. I should

crack down the rich and powerful

but that's just what I'm not

allowed to do.

So I make up for it

by coming down twice as hard

on the poor, the wretched, the blacks.

And poor girls like you who've

put their brains where I won't say.

Does that make you cry?

Don't. It won't help you.

You know, I've sobbed

my heart out.

It didn't solve anything.

You can't get out of it so easily.

Don't look at me like that!

You heard me!

I can't believe it.

Lucien, why did you do it?

I must get out of this situation.

You've gotta help me.

- I really don't know what to do.

- How the hell should I know?

Any idiot can see it's your gun and

your fingerprints!

But that's horrible!

At first, you're right, it is horrible,

but then you start to think about

a thousand other different things:

Starving kids, girls sold as slaves for

a mirror, women whose sex is sewn up...

and you start thinking God created

murder out of pure kindness.

'Cause what is murder compared to all

of those horrors?

So, my little Rose,

the only thing to do is scram.

But where to?

Listen, I'd be glad to lend you

the money for the boat.

You'll manage, I'm sure of that.

You could make a mint

just doing what you like best.

Which, by the way, you do better

than any woman I've known.

And being as we'll probably

never see each other again,

I'll be glad to have a last

quick one with you,

even though you're a fugitive.

How am I going to get up

in time for mass?

If you so much as touch me,

I'll rip your eyes out.

Even if I go,

don't think you'll get off.

It may take a lifetime,

but I'll see you dead.

Look at him. That makes him laugh.

It's those two dogs down there.

Do you know why dogs sniff

each other's butts?

When dogs still

ruled the world

they held a convention

to vote new laws

The head dog said:

"I suggest that

due to poor hygiene here,

our a**holes be left at the door."

The dogs agreed

and de-assholed.

But just then,

a tornado blew in

and mixed all the a**holes up.

Not one dog recognized his own.

Ever since, they smell

each other's asses

and it'll go on 'til

the end of time.

- Funny, isn't it?

- Very.

Attention! Curfew

tonight at 9 o'clock...

Stop! There's no more war!

- What?

- There's no war!

- Already?

- They've signed at Munich.

Tonight we celebrate.

Cordier, they've

signed at Munich.

He doesn't give a sh*t,

if there's a war or not, can't you see?

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