Couples Retreat Page #10

we'll be there in 20 minutes!

I hope so!

What was that?

Great! Awesome!

What do we do?

No!

Jason! Cynthia!

Cynthia!

Grab the oar!

Are you okay?

You all right?

Yeah.

We gotta go to shore!

Cynthia, we're out of synch again.

You know, you gotta paddle on

the opposite side of the boat!

Well, Jason, I can't see

which side you're paddling on!

Well, turn around and take

a look every once in a while.

Otherwise, we are gonna capsize

again. You get that, right?

It was an accident.

I'll bet it could have been avoided.

Right? Am I right? Baby'

I need you to paddle.

Cynthia, paddle the boat, please!

You know what?

Sit down. You've got

to sit down in the boat!

Cynthia! Cynthia!

Cynthia!

What are you doing?

Cynthia! Cynthia! Hey! Cynthia!

Thank God. Thank God that is over!

I mean, who jumps out of the canoe?

You could have really

hurt yourself out there!

Put these on. Cynthia?

Jason, I have had it!

I can't do everything

exactly the way you want!

I can't control the ocean and

row the boat and stop the waves!

Calm down!

And I can't do anything about the

fact that I can't get pregnant!

This is nuts.

No, it's me.

And I just really need

some time right now.

Please stop following me, 'cause

I need to be away from you.

Come on. What are you doing? Hey,

hey, where you going? That's a jungle!

You know what? I'm gonna

go check on her, okay?

Great, thank you.

Yeah, you guys go ahead.

I'm gonna make sure she's okay.

Honey, I don't think it's a good idea

that everyone separates right now.

I really don't think we have a choice.

Let me just go talk to her.

No, Jason, she really

needs a minute, okay?

All right, go ahead. I gotta go.

Baby! You guys go ahead!

We'll meet you guys there!

So, what are we gonna do about Trudy?

What are we gonna do about Cynthia,

who just disappeared into the jungle?

Jason, she's upset. Let her cool

down. You'll talk to her later.

We still gotta get Trudy to do all

the Marcel stuff, anyway, all right?

So let's just get her ass

and let's get back home.

Cyn, please, slow down, honey.

I think we're almost there.

I think we might have

taken a wrong turn.

Really? Yeah.

Wow.

Finally made it to the waterfall.

I think my marriage is over.

What?

Honey, don't say that.

You're just exhausted.

I am. I'm so tired of him trying

to steer everything in the direction

that he thinks is right all the time.

Listen. Don't make any

decisions right now.

You guys just need to take a breather.

Get a little bit of space, you know?

You'll be okay. You know?

You guys have been on top of

each other ever since we got here.

No, that's the... Actually, the

one thing that we haven't done.

We haven't had sex

since we've been here.

We've barely even touched each other.

Now, Cynthia and I

are in a terrible spot.

I come to this island, I come to

the program to get some answers,

find out my animal spirit... Yeah.

Let me help you out on the

whole animal spirit thing.

It's gonna be awesome! It always is.

It's like if you go to a tarot

card reader for past lives,

you're always something cool... Dave...

...like a king or a gunfighter.

No one ever finds out that they were,

like, a shopkeeper or an a**hole.

Is this hilarious to you?

'Cause it's not to me.

Tell you what+ If I get kicked off

this island, I'm gonna blame all of you.

And I can't believe I let

the two of you derail me!

We derailed you? That's correct.

If you kept a closer eye on Trudy,

she wouldn't have strayed so

far from the pack, all right?

She's not a dog, Jason.

Yeah? Well, listen,

she's been very selfish, hasn't

been a very good teammate.

I can tell you that. No, no, no, no, no.

Look, I made promises, I let her down.

You don't know the ins and

outs of our relationship.

Is that what it is? It's a

relationship? It's been two weeks, okay?

All right? That's not a relationship.

It's more like an

antibiotic cycle, all right?

She should be very happy

that she's even here.

You're a good guy. You

brought her to this island.

She shouldn't be running off.

She should be doing

everything that she can,

bending over backwards

to make you happy.

Don't blame this on Shane.

You brought this on yourself.

I don't need to hear it from you, okay?

It's half your fault. Half his fault,

half Trudy's fault, half your fault.

Me? Yeah, with the whole canoe scheme?

All right? You put me and my

wife in a very extreme situation,

put tension on the relationship.

Your wife left you because

you were suffocating her.

And now you're suffocating me!

And you're suffocating Shane, too!

Yeah, don't suffocate me, man.

A grown woman literally jumped

into shark-infested waters

and did a distance swim that

she had no way to train for

instead of staying in

a dry canoe with you.

Look in the mirror.

Okay, Joseph Cecil Tanzini,

with a monsoon of respect, I

don't think you're in a position

to be telling anyone

to look in the mirror

when it comes to relationships.

You're not Mr. "'I Try So

Hard At My Relationship," okay?

So let's go, glass house.

Me, glass house?

You, glass house!

You're the glass house!

Talk to me about relationships.

You got a woman who adores you.

She'd do anything for you.

You have a real partner in life,

and what does she want from you?

"Take me to the waterfall."

But, no, you can't take her

because you had some over-stimulated

snorkeling experience.

Do you think when your marriage is over

that you're gonna find somebody

that just caters to you, no matter what?

That you're not gonna

have to work at it?

That's gonna be, like, psyched to go to

Applebee's with you every Friday night

and hear the same football stories

about how you rocked in high school?

I did rock in high school

football. You want to check tape?

But whoever that person is, you

have to listen to their stories, too,

or they're not gonna go

to Applebee's with you.

You're not gonna have someone

to go to Applebee's with.

You'll be sitting by yourself,

eventually, at Applebee's, all alone.

And who wants to go to

Applebee's by themselves?

You know what? If anyone

should be mad here, guys,

it should be me.

I am having a real fight with my

wife, okay? And it's not a fun feeling.

Look it. I'm talking in

circles. I'm on an island.

I'm getting island fever now.

I'm starting to lose my mind.

This is an early sign of things to come.

And what we need to do now is get

focused and stop pointing fingers.

You're a problem. You're

a real, real problem.

Is that Salvadore?

Does this guy think he's a

mermaid? What is his deal?

Oh. Please, excuse my nudity.

I was expecting no company.

Allow me to put something on.

I would have asked you to join me,

but the water is a little chilly.

But perhaps this will

warm up the evening.

And what is that?

It's an island rum, infused with

the essence of the coconut fruit.

Delicious.

Yes? You like? Very much.

Yes.

That's yummy.

It is yummy.

It's yummy, yummy, yummy, isn't it?

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