Couples Retreat Page #12

'cause their day's so special they

have to share it with the world.

It's called tweeting.

I call it twatting!

Look, Joey, we were

single. We had our fun.

We're not missing out on anything.

No, you were single, you had fun.

I got married early, so I

never got to experience this.

I have a feeling you had a chance

to experience lots of things.

But, look, if you want to

go play "Guess Your Disease"

or "Let Me Translate Your Tribal

Tattoo," knock yourself out.

You don't get it. I'm here

trapped on an island with a woman

who can't even stand the sight of me.

And whose fault is

that? It's not my fault!

Dude, relationships

are a two-way street,

not a highway and a bike path.

If it matters to you, work at it.

And if it doesn't, then don't!

But make a decision.

I want to be married

'cause I want to have people

I can share my life with.

I don't wanna be doing

this. I know what I want.

I want it... Look. Hey, Dave, it's

not 'cause I don't want it, okay?

You make the best of your

situation! My situation's to party!

Yeah!

Yeah, definitely.

San Diego!

Remember me? Where have you been?

Where have I been? I've

been trying to get here!

Look, we'll never be able to find her.

If... If I walk over there,

she's gonna walk over here.

If I'm on this side, she's

probably gonna be on that side!

All right, panicking's

not gonna help, Shane.

Hey, want to dance, tough guy?

No, I'd step on your feet, I'd

hurt you. Thank you, though.

All right, now, everybody up,

everybody up! This is Eden East!

This place is amazing! I can't

believe they kept this from us!

I knew you would love it.

This is why I brought

you here. Vitality!

Oh, it is so nice to be

out with lots of people!

Everyone's smiling and laughing.

Don't you guys love this?

It's great. In a couple more

minutes, I'll just roofie myself.

I will go get my special

Salvadore drink, yes?

Oh, yes.

"Guess I am on my way."

"Mighty glad you stayed!"

Yes! Yes!

He is so much fun!

Oh, God, don't even start.

I'm just having fun.

No, it's just... Guys, this is too much.

What's too much? Let's

just get it together

and chill out a little.

Excuse me, I don't mean to

disturb you. My name's Dave.

Hi. Ronnie.

Ronnie. That's a great name.

Thank you. Yeah.

Do you have a cell phone I could use?

Why?

Someone's got to call God and let

him know one of his angels is missing.

Wow, that is the worst

line I've ever heard.

Well, what do you want from me?

I've been out of the game for a while.

I've been slumming it

with a really hot redhead.

Now you're getting closer.

Dave, if you're here to be

an olive branch for Jason,

I am not gonna talk about it tonight.

I'm not here to talk about anything,

I just want to see my wife. Let's go.

I can't just leave these two.

I think they'll survive.

We sure will.

They are so lucky.

Now this next jam goes out to

all you party people in the house!

Everybody, up! Let's keep

this party going, y'all!

Maybe we ought to wait by the exit,

so when people come out, you know...

Whatever we do, we gotta do it fast.

I gotta get back, gotta

find my wife, you know?

What do you got? You see her?

That's my wife.

Jennifer?

Shane?

God, Shane, there you are! I've

been looking all over for you.

Jennifer, what are you doing here?

Look, I heard at the salon that you were

coming to this crazy singles' island,

so I just felt a strong sense of urgency

that you and l needed to

talk before it was too late.

Jennifer, you left me, remember?

I know, I know.

But then I was hoping that

you would come after me.

It wasn't like you walked out

of a bar! It was a divorce.

And why are you even at this place?

Do you know this place is insane?

I'm getting called names.

I've been called a cougar,

a black panther, a puma!

I had to smack this one kid.

That's the last time he'll walk

up to a woman talking about cougar!

Yeah.

I've been looking all

over the place for you.

And where have you been?

Well, actually, I'm

staying on the other side,

the couples' side, with my girlfriend.

What? Who?

Her name is Trudy and she's

aspiring to be a manager.

Put it in my mouth!

Go, go, go!

Trudy?

All right, y'all, it's

almost time for the mele,

the Kanikapila luau drum show!

The special blend.

Yes, this is a magical drink.

You know what?

I'm gonna go get a good spot for

the show. Do you guys wanna come?

No, no, we're good here.

Okay. You're fine? Okay.

And then there was two.

Listen, I want you to come back with me.

I'm not going back to

the other side with you.

I'm gonna stay right

here, get my celebration on

and get another margarita

made up in my face.

I came a long way to find you.

Well, I know you ain't

come to get a drink.

You damn sure ain't come to dance.

So what'd you follow me here for?

No. I did.

I came here to drink, party,

scratch records, do it all!

Do it... It's just...

Just... Just... You know?

What am I saying?

I don't want to do any of those things.

Truth is that I'm

exhausted just saying them.

All right, y'all, it's time for

the Kanikapila luau drum show!

Cynthia, hi. Excuse me. Hi.

Hi. Hey, what are you doing here?

You all right?

I'm fine, Jason. I'm watching the show.

We do have to get back before

sunrise, though. Let's get a move on.

I don't think that's a good idea, Jason.

Come on, hon. Let's go.

We're very close.

Jason, I'm not going anywhere.

It pains me to say this,

but I gotta let you go.

I love you.

But we cannot do this to

each other anymore. It's over.

It's over.

Daddy, wait. I was wrong.

I don't want to lose you.

I'll go back to the other side.

No. Then you... You,d

be doing what I did.

Trying to be something that you're not.

You're 20. Go be 20.

All right?

I will not lose you. All

right? I cannot lose you.

You're the whole reason that I'm here.

You're the whole reason

that I've done all of this.

You're the whole reason that I've

made a complete ass out of myself.

I have failed here miserably.

And that does not bother me.

What bothers me is

that I have failed you

and I am not gonna do that ever again.

All right? I love you a lot.

Let's go get a drink.

Oh.

Honey, it has been forever

since we did something like this.

Yeah.

You know, baby, it's funny. Since

we've been here, it's like the therapist

and the place has made

it like we got a problem.

But you know what? I think

we don't have a problem.

No.

We got a million problems.

Really? Yeah.

But, honey, I think everybody

has a million problems.

I don't know that, like, you,re

supposed to solve them all,

because the simple truth of it,

sweetheart, is we're married.

We made a commitment to each

other and to our families.

And to myself. And I meant it.

Shane, honey, wait.

Jennifer, I don't need this.

I'm done with trying

to make you like me.

I'm not gonna be the

man you want me to be.

I'm not gonna do things the

way you want me to do things.

I'm always gonna wear my heart on

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