Couples Retreat Page #2

a second, wait a second.

You're going out? Yeah, I'm going out.

What are... What are you wearing?

Shorts. Shorts?

That's... That's a Maxi Pad.

Dad, they're designer shorts.

They're French. Goodbye.

Could you just come over

here? Sit down for a second.

I don't have time for this.

Come here. Sit down. No, I'm...

I'm late and they're waiting for me.

I know,

but you still live in my house

for another few months, okay?

Yeah, I know. Now when

you dress like that,

you send signals.

You know what kind of

guy you attract like that?

You attract the guy with the...

With his pants around

his ass at the mall.

No, I don't! Yes, you do.

Sweetheart, he is right.

Lacey, I'm saying you're beautiful.

You're smart. You're a good person.

You just got accepted into Stanford.

We're so proud of you.

I'm just saying know your value, okay?

And if a guy doesn't see

that, he doesn't deserve you.

No, and you don't want to

be with those guys, honey.

Okay, then I'll go change.

Thank you.

And could you change the

pictures on your Facebook page?

Dad.

It's just 'cause we love you.

Love me less.

I don't want any bikini

pictures on the Internet!

When you're living in my

house, you're a Taliban!

Okay? You keep your body a secret.

Except you get to, you know,

go to school and read books.

Did you send the tuition check?

You said you were going to.

Please. Don't start this again.

Yeah, I didn't start with

it. You just brought it up.

You're supposed to send the check.

You said you were gonna do it.

You never do anything

you say you're gonna do.

Eighteen years. Just try to hold it

together for another couple months.

Trust me, I'm counting the days.

Do that hurt, Daddy,

or do that feel good?

It's both. It hurt and it feel good.

Bang, bang.

Did you put in the wide beauty shots?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

Why would you ask me that?

You know I triple-check everything.

Yeah, no, I know. It's just,

you know, super-important, okay?

We only get one shot at it.

It'd just be nice if you could

show me a little bit of trust.

I do. Come on, I do, I do. I just

want this to be perfect, that's all.

It's not about trust. Come on.

I want it to be perfect, too.

Good.

How old is she?

I think she's 20. He

met her at the mall.

She was working at Foot Locker.

He was so in love with Jennifer.

I am shocked he met someone so quickly.

I know. I was hoping they

were just taking a break.

I haven't even heard from

her since they split up.

I think he got us in the

divorce. You want more wine?

Cynthia, it's time. We're

all set up in the bedroom.

Great. Ladies?

You're kidding, right? No, it's easy.

We brought our own screen.

You can't do it right now.

We're in the middle of

my son's birthday party.

It won't take long and I know

you"re gonna be really excited.

Bring your booze.

Okay, then.

We're taking the wine.

Watch this, guys. Watch.

This is a really spooky ball.

Just, could you please put

the ball cancer video on?

I'm trying, Joey.

Please. I don't want to

watch that ball cancer video.

Where's Trudy?

Oh, she's watching the magician.

Well, there it is. Okay.

This is not a video and it

is not about ball cancer.

Thank God. That,s a first.

Jason and I are seriously

considering getting a divorce.

Okay? So, it's no secret

that Cynthia and I have had our problems

trying to conceive

over the last 12 months.

That's no reason to get a divorce.

No.

We know. Of course not.

But suffice it to say, it's been

more than taxing on both of us,

and it's forced us to question

our entire relationship.

You two are perfect for each other.

We're just not so sure

about that anymore.

We're not in a good place.

Now, this is not a decision

that we're taking lightly.

Cynthia and I have been

together for eight long years.

And if it's not meant to be,

we just don't want to waste

any more of each other's time.

Yeah. Because, if we do get divorced,

it will take at least six months

to go through the five stages of grief.

For the sake of argument,

let's optimistically assume it takes

six months to find compatible mates.

Tack on another 12 months for courtship,

an additional six months

for attempting procreation...

You can see how this starts to stack up.

Sounds like you guys are really

working from the heart on this one.

Well, we're lost, Dave,

and so what we need to do is we

need to take the next two weeks

and we need to find out whether

we're gonna push forward,

or whether we're gonna fold up shop.

And that is why we are going to go here.

You're on, Cyn.

Welcome to Eden. Okay? The

ultimate playground for couples.

It's got fun, it's got sun.

It's Disneyland for adults.

Wow. That is amazing.

Yeah, you guys are gonna have a blast.

Actually, we have found

a great group rate.

Oh, there's the fine print.

No, now... Now, Joey, you know, just...

The embarrassing fact is that, you know,

Cynthia and I can't afford to

go to this place by ourselves,

but if all of us go

together, it's half-price.

It's called the Pelican Package.

Okay? It's six nights, seven

days and it's all inclusive.

And there are quite a few

activities you can choose from.

Who here likes to eat?

I know you guys do. I sure do.

Right? Boom!

Why not do it at a

four-star restaurant?

You guys, it has a

state-of-the-art spa.

Ah. Mmm-hmm.

They've got your kayaking,

they've got your windsurfing,

they've got your canoeing,

they've got your jet skiing. Wow.

It's got Couples Skill

Building and snorkeling...

Who, whoa, whoa. Back up.

What was that last thing?

Snorkeling?

No, no. Before snorkeling

and after jet skiing,

you said, "Couples Skill Building."

That sounds like therapy to me.

See, that's gonna be a problem.

We don't believe in therapy. No.

Hell to the no.

Then you don't have to do it.

That's the great thing about

the Pelican Package, you guys.

It really includes everything.

Obviously, Jason and I want to partake

in the Couples Skill Building,

but you guys can just do the fun stuff.

So what are we asking?

We're asking for you

guys to fly to paradise

and have an awesome time, okay?

I mean, this... Come

on, it would be a blast.

Jason, I got a job,

and with everything that's going on with

the house and with the kids right now,

it would be impossible

for us to leave them.

Yeah, we can't.

When was the last time you

two took a vacation? Hmm?

I mean, don't you want to go

to this island and have fun,

together, as a couple?

What kind of question is that?

That's like asking Richard Simmons,

would he rather stuff his face

or skip around to the oldies.

Of course he'd rather stuff

his face, but he can't,

'cause he's... He's got

to stay thin so he can...

So he can get up and do his

thing and... And make videos.

Maybe he needs the money. Maybe

he's got a gambling problem!

I don't know what goes

on in that dude's head!

And I'd love to go to that

island, but I can't, either.

Not 'cause I got to make videos like

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