Couples Retreat Page #3

Rich, but I got other obligations.

Listen, I can really appreciate

the situation that you guys are in.

Right, well, we need

to know by midnight.

We've been on the wait list forever

and these slots just opened up.

We'd need to leave next week.

Next week?

That's right.

What happened to spontaneity?

What happened to fun?

I don't know. Why don't we

have a PowerPoint presentation

on spontaneity and fun

and figure that one out?

Look, Cynthia and I

need this trip, okay?

I mean, really. You

know, the problem is,

you know, we've stopped having fun

and we're not even sure we

know how to anymore, okay?

So, what we need to find out

is can we get back to the place

where we really enjoy

each other, you know?

Can we get back to the place

of, you know, being in love?

Cynthia's IM-ing me.

Jason was IM-ing me all night.

What'd you tell him?

I logged off.

The place did look beautiful.

You know what it made me think?

It'd kind of be like we got

to take our honeymoon, finally.

God, yeah.

That'd be great.

Really?

Yeah.

Don't you think? I mean, I don't

know, maybe it's a girl thing.

When you're a little girl,

you dream about your

wedding and your honeymoon...

You know.

I was pretty lucky to

get that job right away.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, I can't even imagine...

Living in your dad's

basement any longer? No.

It's funny how time goes so fast.

That doesn't seem that long ago.

No.

Seems like we just had so much going on

and we have ever since,

but maybe the thing to do is just really

buckle down over these next six months

and then when we come up

for air, we'll go somewhere.

That sounds like a plan.

Dave? Did you hear that?

Go back to bed, honey.

What's going on?

I think there's someone outside.

Okay, I'll check it out.

Honey, be careful.

Freeze! Do not move!

Hey, don't... No, it's me, it's

me, it's me! It's me! It's Jason!

What's going on?

It's fine, honey, it's Jason.

Hello!

Why didn't you call?

Didn't want to wake you up.

Sorry, blew that. Back to bed.

Are you crazy? I could've

blown your head off!

What does that say about you, huh?

Rapists don't gently toss

pebbles at the window, Dave.

Wait, can you let me figure it out,

please? There's too much going on.

Turn it off!

It costs money every

time this thing goes off.

Hello? Yeah, everything's

fine. I'm sorry.

The password is

"ass-tastic." That's right.

"Ass-tastic." One word.

"Ass-tastic." "Ass-tastic." It's...

A-S-S-T-A-S-T-I-C.

Okay? Ass-tastic.

That's right, it's... Okay.

Yeah. No, thank you. We're fine.

l... Yes, thank you.

Didn't want to go with the pet's name?

What are you doing here, dude?

What do you think I'm doing here?

Jas, you're showing up to my

house in the middle of the night.

Dave. You're breaking and

entering. You're on tilt.

Yeah, I know, I'm losing my mind.

This... The whole fertility doctor

thing is just an absolute disaster.

We don't communicate anymore.

We're fighting all the time.

We... The only time we have sex is,

you know, when she's ovulating,

and even then, it's

cold. It's emotionless.

It's... I don't know.

Like an oil derrick.

We used to be very,

very spontaneous at that.

Now, it's... I don,t know.

Twice a week, tops.

That's a lot.

Is it? How often do you do it?

It's different now, 'cause

we got the kids, so...

So?

Well, my son falls

asleep in the bed with us.

That shouldn't stop you.

That's disgusting.

I'm not saying he

should tickle your balls.

Just move him into his

room when he falls asleep.

Jason. I can really appreciate

what you're going through,

but, man, this couldn't

come at a worse time.

There's just no way

that we can pull away

from everything and go right now.

I'm sorry, but there's just

no way we can go on the trip.

I'm just scared, you know. Just scared.

You know, my whole life,

everything I've known about it

for the last eight years might be over,

and, you know, I'm

prepared to face that,

you know, if it,s for the best.

If, you know... If it's not

there anymore, then, you know,

I'll face it. I don't

want to do that alone.

And I know that Cynthia

doesn't want to do that alone.

You know, we'd just... We'd

love to have our friends there.

You know that if you go,

everyone else will go.

And I have never asked you for anything.

But I am asking you for this, Dave.

Daddy?

Hey, guys, the alarm

was just an accident.

You can go back to bed.

It's just Uncle Jason.

Okay, guys. It's fine. Let

me take you back to bed.

We want you to go on your trip.

We heard you talking at the party

and you said you

couldn't go because of us.

We don't want you guys to get a divorce.

What?

What are you talking about,

honey? We're not getting a divorce.

But we just want you to be happy.

Guys, we are happy.

We're very happy, honey.

Were you guys listening to

Uncle Jason's slide show?

Thank you, buddy. That's great.

That was adult time.

And why do you think they

were listening, Jason?

I'm sorry about that.

We want you to go, so we called

Grandpa to come take care of us.

You called Grandpa?

You called him tonight?

It's a three-hour drive.

Grandpa's coming to babysit us.

Is Grandpa driving down here now?

Yay! Grandpa Jim Jim's here!

You know, this has

gotten way out of hand.

I'm sorry. I just... I wanted five

minutes of your time. I'm so sorry.

You got... You got kids, you got guns,

you got grandpas that, you know...

You got to explain infertility

and divorce and all that,

and so you got a lot of

parenting to do tonight.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna

let myself out right here.

I will, however, take the fact that

Grandpa Jim Jim's at the front

door as a firm, tentative yes.

Pack lots of shorts.

It's really hot there.

You're gonna sweat your

bag off. Night-night, kids!

Hi. Welcome.

Thank you.

This place is beautiful.

Look. Hi, hello.

Holy sh*t, this looks like

a screen saver! Thanks.

Seems like he might be kind

of the guy. Come on, gang.

Hi, we are the Smith

party. Party of eight.

Eight for Smith.

Jason Smith?

That's me.

Welcome to Eden.

My name is Sctanley. Spelled with a "C".

I will be escorting you

to the Eden West resort.

Please, step aboard our shuttle.

No need to take your bags. They will

be waiting for you in your villas.

Excuse me. Sorry. Is this the

shuttle for the Eden resort?

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the shuttle.

Raq, she's still a little

buzzed from the flight.

Man, totally. Me, too. I

don't even know what I'm doing.

Excuse me. What name are your

reservations booked under?

The San Diego Dance Academy.

Wow.

Ah. You ladies are actually travelling

on this shuttle, to Eden East.

Bummer. Bye.

See you. Bye.

Bye.

Would you care to join your wife?

Let's do it. Shall we?

Are they going some place else?

Eden East. It is an

entirely different resort.

It's beautiful.

And the luggage is

already in there, huh?

Yeah. This is yours.

Unbelievable.

The 101.

- Wow.

And we can jump right

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