Couples Retreat Page #4

out into this here?

You can do whatever you like.

Wow.

Look at the water.

Please. Thank you.

Wow. Wow.

I'm gonna check the bedroom. Okay, baby.

Look at this, baby.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Welcome to your villa.

It keeps getting better, huh?

It's like a little love hut.

Wow.

This is insane!

Honey, they got fish that you

can see here through the floor!

Baby, they got a hole

where you can see the fish!

Yeah, they got fish in here, too, baby!

Jason, this is dreamy.

Baby, you can jump right

in the ocean on this thing,

and they got a hot tub on the deck!

They got the ocean and

they got the hot tub!

You can dive in the ocean

and you got a hot tub!

Yeah, they got a hot tub in here, too!

Oh, my God. Yo, I gotta

take a picture of this.

Did I tell you? Did

I deliver? Oh, my God.

She ain't never seen nothing like this.

I roll like this! Sh*t, yeah!

I'm glad you like, sir.

I be rolling like this.

So what goes on over

there? I hear there's music.

Is a party for single

woman and men, sir.

Yes. How do l get over there?

No, you cannot. You can

take the boat if you want,

but not for you. Okay,

when's the boat? Not for me.

No, because you got married here,

the west coast to Eden Resort

so that's why you must keep here.

I don't understand what you're

saying. You sound like Chewbacca.

Well, my instinct is

to stay married to her,

but what do you think I should do?

I mean, do you get a good vibe

from us or not-so-good vibe?

I don't know, sir.

What about this room, in particular?

You've checked a lot

of people into this room

and checked a lot of people out.

Do they usually leave

happier or less happy?

I really don't know, sir.

How do I get over to the party?

By boat or by taxi boat.

Okay. I'd like to arrange

a boat or a taxi boat.

No, it's not possible for you.

Must to stay here with your wife.

Okay, so how do I...

Fish!

Hello.

Where's the television? The main house.

There's no TV in the

room? No, not possible.

But it's the playoffs.

As an alternative to television,

might I recommend a stroll

to the hidden waterfall?

Might you recommend

putting honey in my ears

and having me fall asleep on an anthill?

It's the playoffs.

Honey, the waterfall sounds

amazing. A little romance.

You'll find that the Eden program

creates a palace of solitude,

if you just give yourself over to it.

How's the cell service here?

Monsieur Marcel believes that

technology is a distraction.

Well, how about tipping,

would that be a distraction?

I'm kidding you.

Tipping is not permitted,

nor is money of any kind.

Everything here in Eden is free.

Really?

We do, however, accept smiles.

Did you guys hear what

they have in the spa?

With the snow?

Did you know that they have a

steam, a rain, and a snow room here?

It's a new European spa.

What's a wahoo?

It's a fish.

I don't eat fish.

It's out of this world.

They catch it right here.

I used to work at Red Lobster,

so I know what they do with

them fish in the kitchen.

But, baby, this is not like the Red

Lobster. It's a four-star restaurant.

I don't give a sh*t! It's

still Mexicans cooking that sh*t

and I know what they do to it!

I'm one-twelfth Latina, and

even if I wasn't, I'm 100% human,

so I don't appreciate

comments like that.

I don't make fun of tu

la raza, so porfavor,

please, don't make fun of mi la raza-

Oh, I'm sorry, boo. I

didn't mean no disrespect.

Yo, I was with mad Mexicans

before Shane, anyway.

Good evening. I trust

you're all settled in.

Hey, my main man!

Are you in the mood

to accept some smiles?

"Cause this spread is phenomenal.

Why don't you join us for a

drink? You want to pull up a chair?

We'll order some shots.

You might want to go easy on

those. You have an early morning.

Quite the contrary.

I don't have an early morning,

'cause I tell you what's

gonna go down tonight.

I am going to get just

a little bit tipsy.

And then I'm gonna go ahead and

stuff my face on the Seafood Tower,

and I plan on shutting

it down in a big way.

l, if everything goes

well, will be in my room,

passed out on my face, come lunch-ski.

Well, I'm afraid that

isn't going to be possible.

I'm here to present

you with your itinerary.

Fantastic. You guys hear that?

This is a hard copy thing, too.

This is not like... This isn't like

a piece of paper with an itinerary.

No. This is like a book.

Thanks. And the journey begins.

Couples Skill Building at 6:00 a.m.?

Yeah, see, I was

planning on sleeping in,

and then maybe hitting the jet skis.

That is not part of your immediate

program here at Eden West.

But it was in the slide show. Uh-huh.

That would be more

appropriate at the Eden East.

What's Eden East?

The singles' resort.

Singles" resort?

Here at the Eden West, our

focus is on renewing bonds

and nurturing neglected partnerships.

And what's your focus over there?

Sex, mostly.

Freeing inhibitions.

I'm sure if we play our cards right'

we'll be having plenty

of sex here on our side.

Am I wrong, gang?

I spent three years of

therapy with Jennifer,

talking about our

feelings and our problems,

trying to hold onto our marriage.

The last thing I want to do is talk.

Look, I think there's been

a misunderstanding here.

See, we signed up for the fun stuff,

with the touchy-feely

sh*t being optional.

Thank you.

I think it's called the Pelican Package.

Yes, the Pelican Package,

which is monsieur

Marcel's signature course.

Great.

A healthy combination of

couple-friendly activities,

ample down time... That's the one.

...sprinkled in with some

Couples Skill Building courses,

designed to reignite the dimming flames

of even the most

mismanaged relationships.

Okay, see, these relationships

are not mismanaged.

Well, thank you, Dave. Yes.

Yeah. I'm just saying

we're here to have some fun,

so we are excited about

the couples' activities,

as well as some down time.

It's the flame-lighting thing

that does not have us inspired.

That's more suited for

this particular couple here.

I don't think you're

quite understanding me.

Monsieur Marcel's Pelican Package

is not a fast-food restaurant wherein

you pick what you want from a menu.

Monsieur Marcel is the

single most-recognized

couples whisperer in the entire world.

Couple whisperer?

He has studied

psychology, yoga, tai chi,

The Art of War, and combined

them to form this place, Eden.

The Mecca for couples. Mmm.

He has designed a program

specifically for you.

You either partake of the

entire meal or have none of it.

I think you're being a little

extreme here, Mr. Belvedere.

We have a very long waiting list.

If there's been some

kind of misunderstanding,

I'd be happy to refund your

money, and you can go on your way.

We will, however, not be

able to refund your airfare.

No, it's just that we were excited

about the sightseeing and the hiking

and the jet skiing and

the snorkeling. It's...

Well, there are plenty of places

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