Couples Retreat Page #5

that provide those activities.

Perhaps this troupe

might be more comfortable

at a Sandals or a Club Med.

This here is monsieur Marcel's Eden.

Now, if you're not at Couples

Skill Building by 6:00 a.m.,

I'll take that as you want your refund

and will not be completing the program.

Screw him! Where does he get

the ass to run down Sandals?

Sandals rocks.

It's just one little

thing we have to do.

It'll be over in a few hours and

then we have fun the rest of the day.

You know, let's just

not forget why we came.

This is not what we signed up for!

This is not what we signed up for.

I don't remember ever

seeing 'mandatory,"

but, listen, we just go with it.

Now we're on Han's Island about

to do the thing with Bruce Lee.

Guys, guys, I don't think

there's any reason to overreact

right off the bat, okay?

Obviously, the meal is included,

from what he said, so

let's just sit here,

we'll weigh the pros and cons from

a calm place, we'll make a decision.

That was amazing.

Oh, might have been the

best meal I've ever had.

Well, could be a full week of those.

What are you doing? Your last course.

Dessert.

It is so beautiful here. I can't

wait to go see that waterfall.

The weather is perfect, we got huts

on the water, and now I am eating art.

So we give up a little bit of

our day to talk about feelings.

How bad can it really be, right?

Welcome to Eden Resort.

I am Marcel.

Hi. Morning.

I know why you are all here.

You are here to seek the answer

to the most commonly

asked question by all,

how do we make it work?

How?

I have laid out a personalized program

designed to challenge you all,

both as couples and as individuals.

If you follow diligently my program,

the answer to this question

will be revealed to you,

as well as your inner animal spirit.

This I promise.

I do not, however, promise

that you and your chosen partner

will have what it takes to sustain it.

Please, line up on the beach.

Take your places.

Out here?

This way. Men on one

line, facing the ocean.

Women, back to the water.

Now remove your mask.

Undress!

Oh. All right.

It's a freeing exercise.

This is starting to

get a little creepy now.

It'd mean a lot to me if you"d just

take your pants off, all right, Dave?

Is that why you brought me here?

This is... What is this?

You must undress, my friend.

I'm afraid that's not a option

for me today, you know, man.

It's the program.

Right. I don't have any drawers, though.

Well, Sctanley said he had this

conversation with you last night.

Now, if you've chosen to stay,

you've chosen to participate.

Now, if you're not wearing any drawers,

then, hey, that was meant to be.

Let it all hang out.

Explore. Explore with your eyes.

Explore your mate.

We are all made in God's image.

That means we are all perfect.

Stand with pride. Look

closer. Own your bodies.

And now, tell your partner

a truth. A beautiful truth.

You look like the earth.

What?

Why are you listening

to what I'm saying?

Why don't you have

your own conversation?

It's hard to have my own conversation

when you're telling Cynthia

that she looks like the earth.

Did you hear what I said?

Yeah. I'm not really

sure I like that one.

Well, I just mean that, you

know, you look bountiful. Okay?

Fruitful. Fertile.

Okay. Now this is getting uncomfortable.

Please, make a palace of solitude

between you and your partner.

Why are you wearing trousers?

I explained to the guy in the dress

that I didn't have any drawers on.

Yes, but this exercise

is about owning your body.

Mmm.

What is your name, dear?

Trudy.

Trudy. What a beautiful name.

Please, tell him that you love his body.

For real? Yes.

I love your body.

Really?

Of course! So powerful, so strong.

Powerful frame with layer upon

layer of dormant, relaxed muscle,

waiting, like a panther, to

pounce on its quivering prey.

Please, take off his pants. Yes.

I'm not ready to pounce today.

Yes.

I don't have any drawers.

No. No. Right here, baby.

It's okay. It's okay. Hair!

Sorry, I'm sorry. Careful.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

Wonderful! Stare at

it! Stare at all of it.

Is his junk out?

Yep.

Is his junk literally out of his pants?

Yep.

Now it's a party.

How would you describe

your relationship?

Average. Great, yeah.

Great. Average. I mean, yeah.

And, to clarify, what is an

"average, great" relationship?

Well, we... We make it through

things pretty good together.

You know, we have two great kids.

No one's called 911 in

the middle of the night.

Like there's not domestic

violence in the... The... Yeah.

Ronnie, when you say you 'make

it through things together,"

what do you mean?

Well, you know, the

usual stuff. Work, kids.

I'm much less interested

in "the usual stuff"

and much more interested

in your particular stuff.

So, what do you make it

through together, specifically?

Well, right now, specifically,

Dave is dealing with his new launch

of his video game, Guitar Hero.

He sells Guitar Hero.

And I am dealing with the renovations.

That's interesting.

What's interesting?

Why do you keep writing stuff

down on your little pad there?

Oh, I'm taking notes.

Would it make you more

comfortable if I didn't take notes?

Yeah, actually, it would

make me more comfortable.

Thank you.

That's interesting.

So we want to make the most

of our time here on the island,

so what we did was we put together

a little informational packet

to bring you up to speed

on our relationship.

Go ahead. That's for you.

It just contains pertinent medical data,

family histories, you

know, stuff like that.

Everything but a mix tape.

How would you

characterize your marriage?

Perfect.

Fantastic.

Well, let's start with

something easy, then.

What's your favorite

thing about your partner?

Uh...

She's a good mom.

He really is a great dad.

And where did you meet?

School. High school. High school. Yeah.

She was a cheerleader

- I was on the football team. Fullback.

I coach now, but I used to play.

And we had... We actually

had our daughter... We...

On prom night, we conceived Lacey

and it was a little confusing at

the time, but it's been a blessing.

It's been the best thing

that's ever happened to us.

It's been the best thing

that ever happened to us.

We did the right thing.

How often do you have sex?

She wants me to be

tougher, screw harder.

Work less, but bring home more.

I can't keep this sh*t straight.

All I know is, whatever I

do, it's not good enough. Mmm.

It's over.

Then why are you here?

This is not my wife. This is

Trudy. I met her a couple weeks ago.

Can we go boogie boarding now?

And once people knew what

we were going through,

I think my cortisol levels

just shot up through the roof.

Because it's difficult to go through

a very private struggle publicly.

I heard what you think,

but you know what I'm

really interested in

is hearing about how you feel.

Just tell her how you feel.

Well, I think if you

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