Coursier Page #4

Don't call me that in front of my buddies.

You realize your story is insane?

- Who'd believe you?

- You, dad.

You're my only hope.

It's true.

It's really important you believe me. Please.

Here...

Make it look real.

You what?

You want me to hit you with a stapler?

That's right.

Are you sure?

- I'm sure.

- I can't, dad.

I'll whack you with it, Mr. Skirvish.

That's what I meant. I can do it.

I'd rather keep it in the family.

Give it to him good.

I can't do it.

Are you nuts?

Now, can you?

You asked for it.

No, I can't do it.

What did I teach you?

You want one too?

He's crazy!

- Go on, Sam, mush him!

- Go on!

Whack him!

Go on, kid!

F*** the police!

That's my father!

- Kid's taking a beating.

- His dad's strict.

You can't be too strict.

Out the way or he gets it!

Do what he says, he's out of control!

Shut up, old man!

Hands in your pockets!

- He's a mad dog!

- Shut up!

I'm a desperado!

Shut up!

- Don't move!

- He's crazy! He's my son!

Don't do anything stupid!

Don't shoot!

Nobody move!

It's not a gun, it's a stapler. It's all a bluff!

It's not a stapler!

- I knew it!

- Let's go!

- It hurts.

- You're OK, it's nothing.

You idiot, couldn't you be more careful?

Repeat, you're cracking up.

- Get a grip.

- I feel sick.

- C'mon, dad.

- I feel sick.

Speak clearly!

Move it, a**hole!

- I'll press charges.

- Can it!

- Where we going?

- Back to your country!

- I haven't got one.

- We'll find you one.

You like flying?

- We'll get a picnic?

- Sure, with pork sandwiches.

Hostage situation!

Upstairs!

Freeze!

We got 2 hours to find the jewels.

Offering a ransom you haven't got. Good job!

We wouldn't be here if you...

- It's my fault now?

- Sure it is!

Stop. Stop a moment.

Stop acting like kids.

I have an idea!

Staplers?

Yes, staplers and staples.

What do we do with these?

We have some fun!

This is one dumb plan!

Rico, it's the dumbest dumb plan

dreamed up by the dumbest desperadoes in history!

You mean you're pussying out?

I'm not pussying out, but we're screwed.

This is bullshit.

Bullshit?

Saving Nadia is bullshit?

You wanna save Nadia? You just wanna go...

This is a hold-up! Freeze! Hands up!

- Move!

- Everything'll be fine.

What are you staring at?

Eyes down or I'll smoke ya! Eyes down, hands up!

Stay still, everything's OK.

Blondie, open it up, get the rocks!

Faster! Open it up!

- Don't worry about him.

- Hands up!

Faster, blondie!

Put the rocks down. Hands up!

It's the cops! Rico, it's the cops!

Who called the cops?

You?

Police! Drop your guns!

- Hands up, scumbags!

- Don't shoot, we surrender!

Don't be an idiot!

I'll smoke ya!

16 to base, backup requested Place Vend?me.

Drop it or I'll rip you a new a**hole.

Give yourself up now.

On the floor!

Hands on your head.

Get down! Hands behind your back!

I'll smoke ya, ya bastards!

As soon as I get out, I'll hunt you down.

The Hood Gang! It had to be you!

Put your hands down,

the situation is under control.

- Did I do good?

- Great.

16 to base, cancel backup request,

everything's under control.

And the motherf***er?

- Wicked! Where'd you get that?

- Don't know.

Not too scared? I know, we act fast.

You should done it all in English.

Yeah, in English.

Why didn't I think of that?

I have to check the cases.

- For...

- For our report.

To see what they tried to steal.

- To fill out...

- The form.

- Form B-52.

- B-56.

- No, 52.

- B-56.

With the pink pages. B-52!

That's our cue!

They're getting away!

Stop them!

They're getting away!

Let me through!

I can get a shot off!

- He's got the jewels!

- They're not cops!

Let go of me, you jerk!

Dad!

Screw you!

I'm a police officer!

Voice recognition. I installed it.

F*** Paris FC!

You gotta stop that.

Never.

The phone will talk.

It'll spill the beans.

I transfer Loki's data onto my computer

and we'll have it all.

There's not enough. He'll notice right away.

I won't give him time to notice.

- You sure?

- Yeah!

Let's go to Montmartre.

- Count me in!

- I'll work on the data.

What a wuss! I'm your man. Let's go!

How?

Scooters from Pli Express.

You're right.

Give me a bag for the jewels.

I'll get you one.

- Let's do it!

- No sweat, I'm here.

Let's do it!

It'll fit in your pocket.

Ice?

Are you OK?

He's out cold.

C'mon, let's move it!

That's shut you up.

What about my bonus?

I won't leave without it.

You're a pain. Don't you ever give up?

It's the chick from the cop shop.

Louise.

Hey, Louise, I'm Rico.

You could say I'm his...

What are you doing here? How'd you find us?

Pli Express, Zero Stress.

You're...

Straight up, you're...

You're armed.

We're wasting our time.

There won't be enough and it's a safe.

You don't just flick open a safe.

Right.

My organs are

very sensitive.

Don't drool, you'll leave a stain.

You're a hot b*tch.

Cool it.

Stay polite, we only just met.

Dirty talk, OK.

But between friends.

You got a good right.

Look, just like I said.

All the cash we make.

- Sh*t!

- The bastard!

Right...

There you go, and a bit extra.

You back off now?

No, there's too much.

What?

I'm no thief, I just want what I'm owed.

Good luck.

Hold on...

How much to go with us?

You're not gonna hire her?

She has a gun.

You won't scare anyone

with your peach fuzz mustache.

Leave this to me.

How much to go with us?

- You really wanna hire me?

- Yes.

What with? Courier's wages?

I got promoted.

I'm the boss's new partner.

Let's go, lovers.

Are you alone? No cops?

No cops. Why'd I call the cops?

I know no cops.

If I see anything suspicious,

you'll never see her again.

Don't play with your baby's life.

Is that your limo?

Where's Nadia? Let me see her.

Show me Nadia right now.

Have we arrived?

Let me talk to Nadia.

Baby, it's me, are you OK?

- Baby love!

- Are you hurt?

How far away are you?

My head's spinning.

What are you on?

It's the church!

Awesome!

What's wrong?

To the happy couple!

It hasn't started yet. Stay in the car.

- Yes, sir.

- Stay in the car.

Thank you.

What have you done to her?

Just a little homemade cocktail in her champagne.

- Yeah, I bet.

- Your turn. The jewels.

Let me see them. On screen.

There you go!

Can you see your damn jewels?

You're shitting me. What's that?

Is that all?

You better have an explanation.

Let's go.

Come on, Nadia.

- Is she wasted or what?

- Go get her.

Hey, Rico! Thanks for coming

to my sister's wedding.

- Let's go.

- Where's Sam?

He'll be here.

They're the jewels I got at the hotel.

It's not my problem now.

If you think I'm bluffing, come see for yourself.

You don't call the shots.

- Are you nuts?

- We gotta wake her.

You'll knock her out.

Stop hitting people, it's a pain.

I had a difficult childhood.

She's a comedian!

Do exactly as I say.

I'm sick of hearing that.

Since we met, my whole life's gone totally mental.

I got shot at, I got beat up,

you kidnapped my chick, I took my dad hostage,

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