Coursier Page #6

or something in Versailles.

Clear?

Sphere, Loki, experts... It's bullshit.

Go back to Paris, I'll stay here...

- Baby, listen...

- No, you listen!

You gotta believe me.

The skank's right. Gotta get to Paris.

But pay my cab first.

From Versailles is costly.

You're the expert!

Expertess, not expert! Do I look like a sailor?

You see?

Hold on, who are you? Who invited you?

What's her problem? I'll smoke her.

Let's all calm down.

Amazing! Calm down, sure.

An old woman and a crappy toy!

That's not a toy.

Don't pretend you're scared!

There we are! What's wrong with you?

Put that way, it's a wedding!

Baby, are you OK? It's all over.

Who told you to come here?

Loki. Aren't you his partner?

More or less.

- Bring your floozie and let's haul ass!

- Just a sec.

Baby, are you OK?

No way!

D*ckhead, heel!

The cake!

Forget the damn cake!

We gotta bail and fast.

- They're here.

- Sh*t!

- I haven't got all night.

- The expertess. Let's go.

I've got a 2-seater. There's 4 of us.

5! D*ckhead comes too.

Follow me.

My car!

Hold on, honey!

- Help her up.

- I am helping her up.

I told you to hold on!

- He bawls her out, too!

- She loses everything!

He's an a**hole. I told you.

Floor it! They're right behind us.

The jewels! They might be in the van.

Quick!

Drive!

- OK back there?

- Swell!

Loads of leg-room. Swap, b*tch?

- Just drive!

- Stop!

- No time!

- D*ckhead needs to pee.

It's his prostate.

He can pee in the car, it's Anne-Marie's.

Sure, but not on me.

What about Anne-Marie?

D*ckhead's his real name?

Loki.

I'm ready to negotiate.

I'm listening.

Complete the mission, we'll wipe the slate clean.

Quai de la Tournelle. A houseboat.

The Catherina, from Amsterdam.

And we make the swap.

- Opposite Notre Dame?

- That's all I can say.

You got a chocolate? For the dog.

Screw your dog! What are we swapping?

I know what the package is.

Log onto my site.

- Who is it?

- Toff. He's worked it out.

- Toff?

- Yeah.

Quietly!

F*** Paris FC.

Let me try.

F*** Paris FC.

I've got a better idea.

Here it comes...

- What is it?

- Dunno.

It looks like...

Some stupid painting.

Not some stupid painting.

A self-portrait by Rembrandt.

- Who?

- Rembrandt,

1606-1669,

a 17th century Dutch master.

One of his signature techniques

is the use of chiaroscuro,

drawing the eye through contrast,

as we can see here.

I took courses at the Beaux-Arts.

It was stolen in Oslo last year.

The a**holes think they found it,

but the real one's on the Catherina,

opposite Notre Dame.

Estimated value, 50 million!

Art trafficking's more lucrative

than drugs and arms.

That's Sphere's business.

Not them!

Freeze!

Sh*t!

Don't crack! You can't!

I'm with b*tch for once. Don't crack.

You realize this sounds insane?

Who'd believe you?

You, guys. You're my only hope.

It's really important you believe me.

There!

It's the Catherina.

- OK, it's genuine.

- OK for me, too.

The self-portrait.

The real one.

All for that?

Expensive postcard!

50 million. Respect.

We'll be going then.

Stay for coffee.

We don't have time, actually.

I'll have one. And a chocolate for the dog?

Chocolate for the dog?

You want him to die?

It's dangerous. It'll kill him.

Here goes.

Call the cops just in case.

You'd better be going, too.

No hard feelings?

Come here.

Thanks for everything.

Go on...

Be right back, baby.

You got something going on?

You're so wide of the mark, sweetie.

He was too busy risking his life to save yours.

What he did for you,

no guy would do for me.

Authenticated and delivered on time.

What talent! I'm impressed.

Yeah, sure. Free my buddy.

OK, Rico?

I was gonna kick his ass!

Be gentle, I break easily!

The painting!

Release him first.

Freeze!

Keep cool!

- Drop your gun!

- Drop it!

Drop it! Let him go!

Stay still! Drop your guns!

He's the one you should be arresting!

Dad, this way!

It's him! He's your man!

I gotta do everything around here!

Interpol! Art Trafficking Unit.

- Look!

- Heard of Interpol, you chumps?

No one ever tells us!

Freeze!

Give me the case!

Come on!

Don't move!

Stay right there!

Drop your gun.

Drop it or I'll smoke you!

Back up.

- You're a good courier.

- Sure.

Sh*t!

So?

I'm not a real cop?

You're a real dad.

- Backup.

- You're late.

- The package is on its way.

- A problem?

- No.

- You have it?

The real one?

- Everything's fine.

- It had better be.

It damn well better be.

Is this a joke?

- The painting!

- 50 million gone down the pan!

This what you're after?

The Rembrandt.

How did you do it?

A courier doesn't lose stuff.

I think I'd better be going.

Come on, D*ckhead.

I'd say saving one of humanity's masterpieces

cancels out the jewel heist.

Something like that. And they played straight.

They gave it all back.

I hope so at least.

Yeah, no problem.

All of it.

It's the first time we stop Sphere.

- We'll let it go.

- Thanks.

And with the data on this,

we'll soon track down Loki.

- I know a guy who could help.

- Yeah?

Paris's finest. You need him at Interpol.

Maurice Skjqurilngskwicz. Hard to spell,

but he's my dad.

That way, maybe you won't pull me over.

Gentlemen...

For Interpol, how does it work?

Do I need to sit an exam?

- Are you stupid?

- What?

My love!

Honestly, you know that Louise,

she was hot for me.

Actually, it's me she was after.

She couldn't take her eyes off me. Pure charisma!

You really risked your life for me?

What did you expect?

I'd let them hurt you? It's non-negotiable.

And that Louise, you never touched her?

A little bit.

Mostly clobbering each other.

- I really love you.

- No, I love you.

- I do more.

- I love you more.

I found this Place Vend?me.

Are you crazy?

I love you.

I love you so bad.

Green Riders, the first eco-couriers

Look at that...

The first eco-couriers.

Bullshit!

Sam the boss! What a joke!

Ecology, my ass. People are pigs.

No kidding!

Know what? Ecology's old news.

Green Riders, delivering to Atmospheres.

They were on the 22nd.

What do you mean, they were?

See what I mean now?

Yeah, I see. They've moved.

Hello, Sam.

Sphere. Recruitment Department.

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