Crackers Page #4

My sister Maria Elena Mercedes.

Hi, Fernando. Hi, Maria.

It's a pleasure to see you.

Sientese, Don Fernando.

Un cafecito?

Traigale un cafe.

How's your family, Don Fernando?

They're fine. How is your mother, Maria?

Oh, uh, she's away, on family business.

Oh, I thought Immigration

sent her back to Mexico.

[ Stammers ] Uh, but of course,

I never pay any attention to the

malicious gossip of the neighborhood.

No. Y es mejor asi.

Sugar? Ahorita se la traigo.

[ Gasps, Coffee Splashing ]

Maria, por poco se me queman las entranas.

I'm so terribly sorry!

No, don't worry.

Forgive me! It was my fault...

Voy por una toalla. [ Knocking ]

Hey, Ramon.

Oh, Senor Dillard. Nice to see you.

I want you to meet my friend Don

Fernando Pablo Jesus de la Vaca...

who has kindly come

to call on my sister, Maria.

Jesus, Ramon. You pimpin' family now?

You want something? I'm busy.

Weslake's hip to the plan.

He wants us to be at his place at 4:00.

What the hell you talk about?

Weslake, he knows!

He's got the key and the wax both. Sh*t!

No, no, over there in the corner.

Hmm.

I guess I was wrong. It was better before.

Oh, no! No!

Everything looks just fine just like this.

Wouldn't change a thing. [ Laughing ]

You know, I had you figured

for some lazy pimp.

[ Panting ] Who me? Lazy? Mm-hmm.

I ain't no lowlife.

Anyway, thanks.

Thanks?

That's it?

You got something special in mind?

[ Dishes Clatter ]

Ham hocks and red beans?

Mm-hmm. Ooh.

[ Laughs ] Mmm!

Not bad for a second choice.

[ Chuckles ]

Take your time, man.

The food won't run away. [ Laughs ]

Time.

I gotta go.

[ Tyrone Gurgling ]

Where you going? Uh, gotta take

care of a little business.

Right? [ Tyrone Cooing ]

How about dinner tomorrow night?

[ Weslake ] This is 24th Street? Right.

She works for two guys who live together.

They go up to the Russian

River every weekend.

And upstairs? Upstairs, another

guy who's also pretty.

An artiste. He's usually out for the night.

Cruises North Beach all weekend.

First floor?

First floor. Landlady, Mrs. O'Malley.

Deaf as a stone.

[ Sniffing ] What is it?

[ Doorbell Buzzing ] I think

it's ham hocks and red beans.

Open the door.

This is the front room?

Yeah. Let me see.

Yeah, right. Well, you see this is the den.

This used to be the dining

room. We switched them around.

[ Weslake ] But this is 24th Street?

[ Boardwalk ] Yeah, of course.

[ Purring ]

[ Weslake ] Good afternoon, gentlemen.

You? What you doin' here?

Hey, man, I ain't said nothin'.

He didn't say anything.

I saw Dillard palm the key myself. So?

So, I figured if you start out that dumb,

you need all the help you can get.

You got a better idea? You

bet your ass, Pancho.

Come here. My name is Ramon. What is it?

[ Weslake ] Sit down. You in or you out?

[ Cat Purring ]

[ Ramon ] How I know until I hear a plan?

[ Cat Yowls ]

The only thing you gotta know

is your plan sucks...

and my plan takes us to Hawaii... the safe.

I'm listening. Okay.

I'll accept that.

My plan is simplicity itself.

We break in, and we hit the safe.

[ Dillard ] How do we do that?

We use an expert. Who?

Old friend of mine. A locksmith...

with an interesting sideline in old safes,

if you get my meaning.

Gentlemen?

[ Weslake ] What the hell do you

mean, you won't, you can't?

[ Man ] Absolutely not! But on the phone...

I'm only out of the joint a month!

They catch me again, they throw

the key away! Forget it!

I shouldn't even be

consorting with you guys!

But you... Do you know they'll

look for any excuse...

to revoke parole?

The cops don't like short people.

But I said I could help and I will.

[ Birds Squawking ]

[ Dog Howling, Barking ]

Ah! I'll show you how to open a safe!

[ Tyrone Cries ]

Voila!

Now, the secret of cracking

boxes... opening safes to you...

Is based on the presumption that what

is on the inside can be outside.

And what is on the outside...

Stop eating! We'll have intermission later!

That is, you desire what is on

the outside to be on the inside.

Hey, can you show us how to get in?

And what is on the inside...

Sure!

[ Cracking Knuckles ]

[ Birds Squawking ]

[ Squawking Continues ]

[ Dial Clicking ]

[ Clicking Continues ]

Jesus, that's fantastic.

Thank you. Looks easy.

I know, but it isn't. Yeah,

but you can teach us.

I doubt it. Besides, it takes years.

How we gonna do it then? Patience.

The secret for safes is patience.

Especially when we use

the historically important...

circular saw.

Oh, Weslake, you turn and you oil.

[ Tyrone Cooing ]

Lazzarelli, this is gonna take forever.

Precisely!

That's why it's only of a

passing interest. Lazzarelli!

How do we get into the safe?

- Soup!

- Soup?

Soup! Soup?

Soup. A nitroglycerin compound,

only not quite so dangerous.

How does it work? Two

wires, electrical outlet,

a drop of soup on the hinges or

in the lock, and "open sesame!"

Try it on this. Lift that sawhorse

up for me, will you, Ramon?

Okay.

Watch it with that stuff, Dillard!

He said it was safe.

Yeah, well, it is. You just

gotta be a little careful.

That battery work? Yeah.

Okay, come on. Try it on here.

No, you do it. You're the electrician.

Hey, Weslake, what's that

sh*t supposed to do?

Just watch and see.

You got it live for God's sakes!

Soup!

A nitroglycerin compound,

two wires,

an electrical outlet,

one drop of soup...

and... "open sesame."

[ Electrical Sparking, Loud

Explosion ] - [ Dillard Screaming ]

[ Cruisers Hooting ]

[ Mexican ]

He's so mean

Don't you get him mad now

Once you get him pounding

You let your love shine

There ain't a star in the sky

doesn't understand why

You got me crashin' in your eyes tonight

[ Cruisers Laughing, Hooting ] Yo, fellas!

Que pasa, hombre? [ Turtle ] Hey, Maxine!

[ Laughing ] We're out for a

little bounce, right, Fernando?

Whoo! [ Laughing ]

That's all I wanted! Buenas noches.

Don Ramon, que tal?

How is my future in-law? I...

Como esta su beautiful sister Maria?

Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria

Hey, we don't want to throw off

our schedule, right, Friday?

[ Laughing ] I mean, Ferdie!

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Cruisers' Radios Blaring ]

Oh! Man, you dropped my foot!

[ Continues ]

Dillard, you need a doctor.

No, doctors. They have

to talk to the police.

Yeah, they give you downers.

I can't get behind downers.

Well, Maria can fix it.

Yeah, Maria can fix it!

Okay, I'll walk you home.

[ Groans ]

I don't know if I can make it home.

I think I better sleep here tonight.

[ Rooster Crowing ]

[ Harmonica ]

[ Footsteps ]

Jasmine is no longer in our employ.

When she was, she wasn't a decorator.

Well, she moved all that stuff. Oh, that.

Just a whim. But if you do

windows, we could use...

Nah, nah. I don't do anything

you want, man. Nothin'!

Non gustibus disputandum est.

Say, man, why don't you just watch

your mouth! Now, where is she?

No idea.

But if you find her, tell her we'd

love to have our silver back.

What silver? Just mention it if you see her!

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