Crazy Bitches

1

Say my name.

Oh yeah, what's your name?

Vivianna.

Oh yeah, Vivianna.

Oh yeah!

Sounds French.

Oh yeah, right there.

Oh, you like that?

I do.

Do you like that?

Yeah, I like that.

What the f***...

Hey baby.

Hold on a second, okay?

Are you actually serious?

Get my bags.

Seriously?

Hi, baby, how are you?

Are you okay?

I'm fine, why?

No, it's just...

your voice just sounds

like you have a cold

or something, no?

No, I'm fine, are

you at the ranch already?

I thought you weren't

getting there until later.

- Yeah, I'm already here.

- Excuse me.

Where do you want me to

put these, excuse me!

No, Mel's party ended late...

and so I figured I'd

stay up and drive.

Ma'am, where do you

want me to put these?

Just a second, baby.

Where do you want to put these?

Who's that?

Sorry baby, that was the driver.

Look, Vivianna, I

have to tell you something.

I miss you, I totally miss you.

Will you listen to me?

Yes, I can't wait

until you get here.

I talked to Alice, I told her.

What?!

I told her I'd been unfaithful.

So she knows about us?

No, not exactly.

Jesus, I almost had a coronary!

I don't think I could face her.

I've got to go.

Why are you going,

no, stay on the line.

It's over, Vivianna.

Baby...

It's over,

Vivianna, do you hear me?

Are you listening?

Baby, don't say that!

You don't want us to end.

Goodbye.

Don't hang up!

Vivianna...

You know what I'm

doing right now?

I'm playing with my nipple and

it's really erect and hard.

I've got to go!

No, don't go, there's

no law against listening.

And imaging my

nipple in your mouth.

You know what I'm doing now?

Vivianna,

look, I'm hanging up now.

I'm putting my

hands down my panties.

Vivianna!

Mmmm, it's getting really wet.

Do you wanna see?

- Vivianna...

- I'll show you.

Goodbye.

Does it feel good, Vivianna?

Who the...

Hey Katie, what's up?

Hey, Mrs. M.

I'm still good to watch

Logan tomorrow morning.

Oh, you know what,

I postponed my trip.

So I think I'm okay.

- Okay, thanks Katie, bye bye.

- - Belinda, come on!

You move any slower,

you'll miss your plane.

Sorry!

Could you take that please?

Good Lord, woman, what

the hell'd you pack?

There better be some

sneakers in there.

I intend to do some

hiking this weekend.

Don't tell me, two

suitcases and no sneakers?

You said it was a spa weekend.

I said ranch.

Ranch, spa, it's the

same thing, isn't it?

Okay, wish me luck.

Come on, Alice, I told you

I'll make it up to you.

You and Logan mean

everything to me.

I'm gonna make things right.

Promise.

I'll see you tomorrow

night, Belinda.

Try to behave yourself

until I get there.

I have no idea what

you're talking about.

Hi, buddy, awww!

Vroom vroom, look, there's

a vroom vroom right there.

Well fancy

meeting you guys here!

A A A to the K, K K K to the Pi,

A to the K, K to

the Pi, A, K, Pi...

Dorri!

Wooooo!

Great timing.

How was that flight?

I could get used

to private jets.

Hey, who's the sugar

daddy du jour, Taylor?

By the way, one of these guys

you dangle your wares

in front of is gonna

get really incensed that

you won't acquiesce.

He's gonna freak out, and you're

gonna wonder what happened.

That was Alice, she's

coming tomorrow now.

Apparently Eddie had some

unexpected business out of town.

But it's her flipping birthday!

We've been planning

this for months!

God, that man is ridiculous.

On the bright

side, does this mean

we are spared an entire

day with Belinda?

Cassie!

Oh come on, don't act like I'm

the only one she annoys.

Thank God she only had a year in

college to annoy me

before she graduated.

Are these yours, Dor?

Yeah, thank you.

You know, if you think about it,

she really doesn't

belong in this group.

Cassie, we don't

pick our families.

She's Alice's

sister, she belongs.

And besides, you

graduated a year later,

so we didn't have much

time with you either.

And we still like you.

Volleyball court and it

sort of turns you on.

Yeah, that's it.

I got dibs on shotgun!

Ah, too late.

What?

I'm already in the front.

So?

So it's too late.

- So?

- You need to be in the back.

Fine.

Well hello there!

I'm free you know!

Oh my God, they're not...

Oh my God, they are,

they totally are.

Gareth!

What?!

Oh for the love of God,

Dorri, what have

you gotten us into?

I promise you they did

not include that

in the brochure.

Oh, yummy.

Down, girl.

It's just disgusting.

Disgusting is relative, Taylor.

I wouldn't kick that out of bed.

I hope his dick is in

his pants before he gets here.

Hi, we're here to stay

at the Benton estate.

Right, right, yeah, some

of your group's already here.

I'm gonna need a signature.

I'm gonna have to

charge you girls

a cleaning fee to get the

place properly opened up.

Nobody's stayed here

in like a long time.

That's ridiculous, that

should be the owner's expense.

It's fine, just put it

on the card I gave you.

You ladies need a map?

Taylor, give that

to someone else.

I wouldn't mind being

in charge of the map.

No, I don't mind either.

I am perfectly capable

of reading a map.

I can follow a road

to a little cabin.

Oh, and one more thing I should

probably tell you guys about...

You are so

directionally challenged.

Is this upside down?

Well North is always up.

Oh dear God.

North is always up?

Ugh, we are completely

turned around I think!

I think doesn't

get us where we need to go.

Well excuse me, I'm not

the one who got us lost.

I'm sorry, but it

is terribly drawn!

This is classic, they'll find us

slaughtered here tomorrow

by a maniac with an axe.

Oh sh*t!

What in the hell,

dudes, you trying

to scare the pants off me!

Not that I'd complain.

How fortuitous!

How did you know we were here?

Oh, well you see,

it's got nothing

to do with for-tuition.

You see, you girls headed off

east, and the cabin is west

and it didn't take a rocket

inventor to figure that out.

But follow me, I'll take

you all the way, baby.

Okay.

Okay, Middle Forest,

here we come.

What do you mean

you weren't invited?

Dorri completely left

me off the invite list.

I had a momentary

flash of Junior High

when Alice and her friends

would ditch me at the mall.

Okay, I am good, let's do this.

Right, action.

Hello mystery hunters,

and welcome to the

latest installment of

"The 72 Hour True Crime,"

this time the crime has

an outer worldly theme.

The sun is going down as

I prepare for my first

night in the infamous

Vanity Killer Murder House.

I gotta admit guys,

I'm a little nervous.

Hey guys, you made it!

A to the K to the Pi, Wooo!

Dorri, I got your stuff,

go ahead and get in.

Cassie!

And get suckered into

picking up the grocery bill?

Who'd you stick

it with this time?

Taylor.

I tried to stick

it with Princess,

but her card was declined.

Apparently being

a rocket inventor

sounds fancy, but doesn't pay.

I told you I had to cancel it

because of fraud on the card.

Just kidding,

you're so sensitive.

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