Crazy Kind of Love

Dad's leaving.

I know.

He's moving in

with Marion Hughes.

And you're just

going to let him?

I'm taking the car tonight.

How come I've never

seen you before?

I'm not all that sure

you can see me right now.

Hey!

Happy graduation... f***ers.

Henry! Henry! Henry!

Where were you?

I fell asleep in the woods.

We need more waffles.

Did you hear about Augusta?

How are you?

I'm fine.

Right. If you need anything,

I want you to call me.

Mom? Mom.

Mom.

Mom.

Mom, if you don't sit up,

they're gonna call an ambulance.

Sit up.

Sit up!

Thanks. She's okay.

Hello?

Matthew?

It's Henry.

Henry?

Dad took off, and Mom had

some sort of breakdown.

I just thought

that you should know.

Oh. Okay.

Okay.

Later.

Henry.

If you ever need somebody

to talk to, I'm available.

I'm fine.

Okay. How's your mother?

How's she doing?

I can stop by the house.

She's out of town.

Okay.

Well, you know where to find me.

F***ing ministers.

I've seen you twice

in the last three days.

Yeah. It's been a sh*t week.

Yeah?

Can I make it $50 over

and get some cash back?

You're paying me

with your mom's check?

She's not going to notice.

I'll tell you what.

If you want cash, I could use

someone to help me mow.

I got a bigger customer base

this summer. What do you say?

Twelve bucks an hour. Free tan.

- What else you got going on?

- Not a whole lot.

Sweet. Meet me out front

in the morning at 9:00.

Don't be late. Tardiness

is the sign of a selfish man.

Keep this. Take it out

of your first paycheck.

I'm not letting you buy weed

with the family funds.

What family?

I'm supposed to give

these to you.

Thank you.

Why?

Because your mom went crazy.

Hey.

Are those Toll House cookies?

Sweet!

- She's just a kid, man.

- Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

Let's pack it up.

They say people that meet in grocery

stores usually fall in love at first sight.

It's a good thing

we met at a party.

That's it?

God, I had so much hope for you.

Wait a sec.

I don't even know your name.

If you told me that night at the

party, I was kind of sh*t-faced.

It's Bette.

Bette. Bette what?

Bette Mack.

I'm Henry.

Yeah, I figured.

Since that's what

everyone was chanting

when you wet yourself

that night.

I can't believe

I haven't talked to you before.

How long have you lived here?

About a month.

Yeah? Where did you move from?

Pick a state.

I've seen most of them.

Strike two.

Make yourself at home.

What are you doing

for the 4th of July?

Well, I suppose I could

hang out with you...

but you'd probably leave in the

middle without any explanation.

I won't. I promise.

Then I guess

we're watching fireworks.

Mom?

Mom?

- Hey.

- Hey.

What are you doing here?

You called me.

You didn't have to come home.

I don't have any summer

classes or anything.

That's all.

Well, don't expect anything

to be the way it used to be.

It's not.

It was never that good anyway.

Oh, no! It's not lighting.

I'll get it.

There you go.

Hey.

Oh, wow. You look so good

framed in sparkles.

People tell me that

all the time.

Let's go over there.

It's got the best view.

She has a crush on you.

Okay. Shh.

Okay, biggest fear?

- Zombies. Yours?

- Thunder.

- Favorite color?

- Rainbow.

- I don't think that's a color.

- Yeah, it is.

It's seven colors in one.

- Most embarrassing moment?

- The night we met.

I was kind of an idiot.

- I wish I knew you in the 3rd grade.

- Why?

Because I'd already know

everything about you.

You live with your parents?

With my mom.

Me, too.

Is your dad off at the jackass

convention with mine?

Yeah, something like that.

Someone told me that

you were like...

the Babe Ruth of your team.

- Not really.

- No?

I played baseball,

but I quit last season.

How come?

- I just felt like it.

- You just felt like it?

You just woke up one day and you're

like, "I don't like baseball."

Pretty much.

Good. Now that's over with.

What?

First kiss.

I always hate waiting for it.

Is your mom going to get pissed

if we mess up the kitchen?

She's away. On a trip.

Here, you sit.

I am going to make you

something good.

You can really cook?

The midnight snack

is my specialty.

I'm guessing this isn't you.

That's my brother.

He's got all the brains.

That's right. Because you're just

a dumb stoner who hates baseball.

Pancakes. Ta-da!

Really? You're ta-da-ing

pancakes?

I hate to break it to you,

but frozen waffles are

pretty much the same thing...

and ten times easier to make.

I've got waffles.

Waffles.

I would say that

this makes us soul mates...

but if your soul mate is

determined by a frozen waffle...

then we're all pretty much

screwed, aren't we?

What? What?

Bette Mack,

you did not just do that.

Yeah, I did. No, no! Not me!

What happened? I heard noises.

- Hey.

- Hey. What...

Oh, hey! Bette.

Your brother just squirted me

with pancake syrup.

Is he always such a jerk?

Jerk.

What was that?

Four, maybe five seconds?

- I'm sorry.

- Sorry?

Wrong answer. Give me your hand.

Come on. Okay.

So, feel that spot? Right there?

Remember that spot. Hopefully

you'll be seeing more of it.

Good Lord.

I lied.

What?

My mom's not away.

Where is she?

She's in the next room.

Oh, my...

Shh.

I hope the walls are thick.

She hasn't gotten up

for a while.

How long's a while?

A few weeks.

Is that how long

your dad's been gone?

Yeah.

They always go out

with a bang, don't they?

Yes, they do.

Hey! It was so nice

meeting you.

I'm late for work.

I'll see you later, okay?

- See ya!

- Bye!

- Did you sleep out here?

- You were...

So I just...

You don't need to sleep

on the porch

just because I have

a girl in the house.

She left her gum in the kitchen.

So are you the gum police?

It's unsanitary.

Motherf***er.

Are you spying on us? What did

you think you were going to see?

- I just wanted to see...

- Why don't you go inside...

and see what your screwing

around has done to her?

I don't want...

Go f***ing look at her.

Well, that was productive.

Shut up.

Do you want him to come back

or do you want him to stay away?

I want him to go f*** himself.

I'm going to the store later

if you need anything.

Quinoa, kelp, spelt.

- Oh, no. Mom...

- I'm not dead.

I'm just re-evaluating.

Hey, Harvard! What!

I almost didn't recognize you

without your little PJs on.

Did Henry tell you

that I work here?

No, actually... No, he did not.

Let's see what you got here.

Millet, vitamin C, shampoo.

Let's see.

Greasy hair or dry hair?

- Dry.

- Right.

Yes. Try this.

It's got rattlesnake jizz

or something in it.

I don't know.

It's supposed to work miracles.

- I'm going to pay now.

- Hold on.

- You only got half your stuff.

- That's fine...

Soy milk is over there.

- I'll grab your colon cleanse.

- That's not for me.

Don't worry, I'm an expert.

Too much cascara sagrada

and you will not be able

to leave the house.

You could, but

it wouldn't be pretty.

And you don't strike me as the

type who likes to poop in public.

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