Crazy on the Outside Page #4

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Just get in the bathroom. Get-

Christy? ey, babe.

Hi, baby.

Mmm. What are you doing here?

I was driving to work.

I got a little horny.

I thought I'd pop by

for a quick pass in the end zone.

[Laughs] That's... so sweet.

ow come you didn't answer?

You know how nervous I get

when you don't answer.

I was just about to jump

in the shower.

I probably didn't hear you

over the sound of the water.

[Water Continues Running]

his building. [Laughs]

Why don't you run,

get us a cup of coffee.

I'll be with you in five.

Okay.

[Both Chuckle]

ommy, I'm confused.

You're confused?

I wanna watch!

Aw, Jesus.

Ooh, you know I like that.

I'll be with you

in just a minute.

Okay.

Go, go, go.

Out the window.

Wait. The window?

e said he would kill any man

he ever caught me with. Go!

Whoa!

ommy-

[Crash]

[Cat Screeches]

[Dog Barking]

What is this?

hat...

is a little surprise

I got for Maui.

Okay.

[Both Chuckle]

[Bus Brakes issing]

[Man On P.A.]

Line 33, downtown L.A.

[Chattering In Distance]

[Phone Ringing]

I thought you were

Mondays at 4:
00.

Who are you,

the Rain Man?

It's a movie about a freak

who remembers things.

Forget about it.

Did you ever kill anybody?

I'm thinking about it.

You're funny.

[Chuckles]

I scored the winning run.

hey gave me the game ball.

What's that, hockey?

Baseball.

I'm really not allowed

to talk to you.

He didn't talk to me.

I was talking to him.

Inside.

If I'm not out in one hour,

you call the police.

[Laughs] Okay.

Oh, my mistake.

You are the police.

A day and a half and you get fired.

What the hell's wrong with you?

I screwed up.

But I have my reasons.

You guys always have reasons.

First of all, I'm not "those guys,"

so please stop calling me "those guys."

nd secondly-

Don't tell me about those guys.

I made a career out of those guys.

I married one of those guys.

So you're familiar with those guys.

I spent the better part

of the day...

begging the captain of Pirate Burger

to give you a second chance.

God, I really appreciate that.

Oh, I know. You want to start up

your dad's business.

I mean, this isn't career day,

Mr. Zelda.

- Do you want to go back to prison?

- No.

- Do you want to go back

to Pirate Burger?

- No.

Well, let's say those were

your only two choices.

Shiver me timbers

and work the sail

[Chorus] Aye, aye, Captain

Pull on the ropes

or drink the ale

What are you doing?

I'm fryin' the Frigate Fries.

You fry the Frigate Fries

at 350.

No. he Matey Potateys are at 350

just like the Doubloon Loaf.

You don't even fry

the "Duh-bloon" Loaf.

It's baked, nose-wipe.

Oh, that really hurts my feelings.

Well, how about "bastard son

of a failed pickpocket

and a hooker"?

So that's it for you guys?

he great potato debate?

Don't you guys have any dreams,

I mean, something you want

to do with your lives?

Well, yeah, y-you know-

you know, live a nice life,

uh, no more jail,

or maybe start a family,

some sh*t like that.

I really like dancing. I wanna-

You know, I'm good at it.

Sailor om, delivery.

And stay on course, Sailor.

nd let's keep it

under 30 knots, Sailor.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

[Beeping]

[Line Ringing]

Pick up, Christy. Pick up.

ello?

ey, it's me. ommy.

Um, I need to see you.

ommy, uh, last night

was a mistake.

What are you talking about?

Uh, l- I'm sorry.

I'm really confused right now.

- And I can't talk.

I've gotta go to my parents'.

- Wait a minute. Christy!

Christy!

Sorry.

[Engine Stops]

Arr.

[Laughing]

Um, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I live here.

I know. You're Papadopolous.

It says "Franklin, 413."

Ah.

Ethan, get out here.

Um, that's his father's last name.

e did this to get you here.

And that's why he asked me

where you were working.

Well, it's a good thing

I don't work for a car dealership.

[Chuckles]

Um-

[Slaps Thigh]

Just wait here.

Ethan,

get out here now.

[Knocking]

I am going to count to five,

young man.

One,

two-

ey, what's with the hat?

Three-

uh. You think

you could wear this any better?

Be my guest.

Four-

Oh, yeah. hat's workin'.

Do you remember what the word

"consequences" means?

[ogether]

I do.

Oh. Uh, you came in.

Yeah. I need you to cover this.

Uh, what-

Uh, what do I owe you?

ell you what.

he Mutiny on the Brownie-

that'll be my treat.

Let's say, um, 13 even.

his is coming out

of your allowance.

Why? L; ve... gotta eat.

Ethan, where-

where did he get the hat?

Boy, I didn't-

ow did he get that?

Um, sorry for the trouble.

It's no trouble.

here's enough for all of us.

Uh, finish packing.

I don't want to go

to the stinky desert

for the weekend.

- Grandma smells like corn.

- So does mine.

- All right, would you not help?

- Well, I'm just sayin'.

Pack.

[Clears hroat]

I'll, um, see you Monday.

Right.

You know, this apartment

sure could use a paint job.

Oh, well, I'll speak to my decorator.

[Ethan]

Can my room be blue?

Pack.

I'm just sayin', if my painting

business was up and running-

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Good night, Mr. Zelda.

See you Monday.

Hold on a second.

Um,

just... don't take this the wrong way,

because you seem like an okay guy.

Yeah.

I would really appreciate it

if you wouldn't encourage my son.

e's looking for something,

and I-I don't want him

to find it in you.

See you Monday.

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Lock Clicks]

[Cell Phone Beeping]

[Line Ringing]

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

[Women Chattering, Laughing]

[Cell Phone Ringing]

- hank you.

- [Continues Ringing]

[Chattering, Laughing

Continues]

[Ringing Muffled]

[ires Squealing]

[Engine Stops]

[Chattering, Laughing

In Distance]

[Knocking]

I'll get it.

ey, there.

I'm here to see Christy.

Oh, my God. his is brilliant.

What's with the party?

Engagement party.

They didn't tell you?

No.

Oh, hey, she is gonna love this.

Christy, your pirate's here.

Oh, my God.

[Whispering]

Do you need music,

or do you have your own?

[Woman]

Who knew that they came

in fuchsia?

[Women Laugh]

You said "boyfriend."

You never said "fiance."

I didn't want to hurt you.

I wish somebody would hurt me,

somebody'd tell me

the damn truth!

I'm sorry.

You can't marry this guy.

What about us?

"Us" was a long time ago.

"Us" was last night.

Okay, it just kind of came

out of nowhere.

My head was spinning, and-

- [Chattering, Laughing

Continues, Muffled]

- I love Frank.

Who the hell is Frank?

Frank Fabercini.

The Big Screen Genie?

Oh, he's a great guy. He's a-

e's a little insecure at times,

but he loves me.

I love you.

[Sighs]

I love you.

I guess a part of me

is always gonna love you.

But, ommy, you were

in jail for three years.

hree year-

Look at this. Look at this.

While you were away, Frank was-

was building a business,

and he's gonna be...

the number four

Mitsubishi salesman

in the North Valley.

Oh, whoop-de-do.

I got a paint business.

It could be the biggest one on the planet.

hat's not the point.

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