Crazy on the Outside Page #6

---

You'd know.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at her.

ommy, come check this out.

Oh, man.

I would love to bang her.

Oh, I'd bang her

till she forgot her name.

er name is Christy.

hat's Christy?

Perhaps we were

a bit indelicate.

I figured this whole thing out,

and I am so thrilled,

I had to come down.

Okay.

I have to marry Frank.

I just do.

L-I'm in it too far,

and there's a band.

We're going to Maui.

And I love him.

Oh.

But I love you too.

Huh?

So, here's what we're gonna do.

It's a little different,

but it's the only way.

I am gonna marry Frank.

But you and I

are gonna see each other

whenever we can.

What?

Oh, hear me out.

e travels and he works late.

e's in the rmy Reserve. I know.

It's wrong. We're all Catholic.

But I think in the end,

we're all gonna get what we want.

- I don't wanna do that.

- Oh, come on, honey. hink about it.

[Kissing]

Mm-mm-mmm!

It grows on you.

Mmm!

God, I wanna make love

to you right now.

I really wanna make love to you.

But unfortunately I have

to go taste wedding cakes

with Frank. Love you.

[Man]

Arr! Can I take your order, please?

Mmm!

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

- Screw her.

- Screw Frank "Frabocini," too,

while we're at it.

I mean,

has she lost her mind?

Who- Who goes into a marriage

planning on cheating?

What woman anyway?

You know what you tell her?

You tell her,

"Dump Frank or forget it."

De-e-livery.

Wow, ommy.

hat is one saucy wench

you've got. Arr!

Shiver me timbers.

What am I doin'?

She's got the rich guy now

and a big fat diamond.

If I were smart-

If I were smart, I'd just walk away.

You know what?

I don't care what he says.

e's still not over her.

I really wanna do

something for that guy.

Something big.

What the hell you gonna do?

ow should I know?

I'm just- It's a gesture.

Poor guy. She's turning

his whole life upside down.

Do you think...

she'd do me on the side?

Oh, good.

he convicts are here.

Ka-ching, ka-ching.

[Engine Stops]

Bada-bing.

Brown-chickee brown cow

I should have been a judge.

Well, you stood up

in front of enough of 'em.

Listen, guys. Let's go in,

check out the situation,

be courteous

and act like professionals.

here's a magazine

just about hotels.

ow's it going, guys?

ey, good.

Beautiful house, sir.

Oh, yeah. Beautiful house.

If I gotta take a dump,

I'm taking it home with me.

Is that right?

We've met before,

haven't we?

Uh, I don't think so.

[Snaps Fingers]

Edgar.

Cover it and let's move on.

Man, I am hungry.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

We keep moving at this pace,

we'II be out of here

by early afternoon.

Perfect.

Huh.

- Oh, my God.

- What? rat?

No. My sister.

[Chuckles]

Look what she made.

Zelda and Son Painting.

homas Zelda.

Wow, that's nice, ommy.

hat's-

God, she make one

with our names on it?

Probably in

tomorrow's lunch.

- Which one of you is ommy?

- Right here.

Oh, thank you. Hey, there.

Nice work.

What are you,

checking up on me?

[Scoffs]

A little. Ethan had

a game just nearby,

and I thought it might not

be a bad idea to come by

and see how it was going.

Well, it's, uh, actually

going really, really good.

Terrific.

It's great to hear.

Where's the judge?

In small pieces

in the basement.

I'm afraid we had a little tiff

over the price, and I overreacted.

[Laughs]

ey, there.

What's happenin'?

Hit a triple.

Must be pretty exciting

for a basketball player.

I mean, triples and all that.

If you actually

went to a baseball game,

maybe you could learn something.

Yeah, don't get asked

that much but, uh, thanks.

You know, busy guy.

Um, honey,

can you give us a second?

Mom.

One, two-

hree, four.

That's really quite impressive.

Just out of curiosity,

what happens when you get to five?

Oh. Well, you do not

wanna know.

Well, I'm- I was not

encouraging him just now.

I just wanted to say hello.

No, I know. I know,

and l- I appreciate it.

I do my best to be unappealing,

but, man, it's a losing battle.

[Laughs]

ey. Um, do you wanna come

to his game tomorrow?

I don't wanna do anything

to encourage him.

No, l-I'm saying it's okay.

I just-

Do you wanna come

to the baseball game?

You said-

No, I'm just-

Just answer me.

I will answer you.

I just wanna know-

Yeah, one, two-

Yeah. Yes. hat would be nice.

hank you for asking.

See?

Okay.

Okay.

Get back to work.

Okay.

uh. Yeah. Yeah.

I could do that.

[Chattering, Clapping]

[Cheering]

Oh!

So, the- the idea...

is to catch it.

Yeah.

[Whistles]

Good job!

[Cheering]

- [Angela] Go, go, go, go!

- You're out!

[Whistling]

hat's a double play.

hat's a double play!

he kid's good.

[Laughs]

Oh. Look,

he's showing off.

Oh, he's not like that

when it's just me. But-

[Umpire]

Play ball.

Go, Bulldogs!

[Chattering]

Whoo!

Nice.

Nice.

ow long has it

just been you?

Mmm.

Would it be okay if we just

kept it about baseball?

Sure.

- Bulldogs!

- [Groans]

You know, it's-

it's always been just me.

Ethan's dad left nine years ago,

so since then

it's always been just me.

No. Correction.

he night Ethan was conceived,

it was the two of us.

But since then

it's been just me.

You meet him at work?

Baseball, right.

I'm not much of

a team-sport guy myself.

I tried drag racing.

Mostly other people's cars.

Yeah, I'm okay.

[Umpire]

Play ball!

Well, Ethan's father was,

um, an incredibly sexy...

and incredibly charming

con man.

e called me his angel.

[Laughs]

ey.

Sorry. Just-

No. Well, he said it

so many times, I believed him.

And then one day

he emptied my bank account

and took my car and disappeared.

So- I mean, l-I had this fantasy

that I could save him.

[Bat Strikes Ball]

[Moans]

[Cheering]

What an idiot.

I don't think you're an idiot

for caring about someone.

No, I meant him.

I had this whole picture,

but none of it was true.

It's just amazing

what we can talk ourselves into.

[Boy]

Come on, guys. Let's get a run!

[Exhales Sharply]

[Person Whistling]

Strike one.

Go, Ethan! Focus.

[People Cheering]

Good job! Go, Bulldogs.

m I loud?

Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry.

Hey.

Hey!

ey. hat was great today, kid.

I'm beginning to like

this football.

[Chuckles] Baseball.

hanks for coming.

Hey, it was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun.

hanks for asking me.

Yeah. Oh, great.

I guess I'll see you Monday?

Yes.

Um, uh, wait a minute.

Um, uh-

Back at the game

when I was talking about myself,

I don't usually do

personal real well.

I haven't done it at all

in a long time. nd-

Listen. You don't owe me

an explanation. Let's just

keep this about baseball.

No, I wanna say something.

his- his job makes you tough,

it makes you put up

a lot of brick walls,

and, well, it felt good to be

a little less tough today.

So, thank you. hank you.

ey. ow was your day?

Great. What are you doing

sitting out here?

Oh, just relaxing.

It was nice of her

to ask you.

- Yes, it was.

- I like that ngela.

I know you do.

Don't go in. Sit next to me.

You want a beer?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes