Creatures from the Pink Lagoon

God, our creator and redeemer,

confident of your eternal

victory over evil,

we entrust Sebastian

into your loving embrace.

We have entrusted our brother

Sebastian to God's mercy,

and we now commit his body

to the ground.

Earth to earth,

ashes to ashes,

dust to dust,

in sure and certain hope

ofhis resurrection.

Amen.

He was my little angel.

Itjust isn't right.

He didn't have to die.

Not like this.

For someone who was

light in his loafers,

he sure left a heavy corpse.

Honestly, Velma.

You're too much!

Well, did you hear

what he was buried in?

A kimono

and a pinkie ring!

- No!

- I rest my case.

I don't quite follow.

He was a Nancy boy.

You know, a fruitcake.

Afriend of Dorothy?

Confirmed bachelor?

Asalad spinner.

AChardonnay Charlie.

Afigure skater!

Oh!

He was a fag!

Man, that guy gives newmeaning

to the words, "dead weight."

Boy, howdy!

I thought we were

burying a block of cement.

Well, what do you say

we knock off early

and head down to

McFeeney McGee's?

I'm right behind you!

Wait a second!

Where are you goin'?

I'm goin' to McFeeney McGee's,

like wejust said!

I'm taking the short cut.

Not through the Exit 5

Rest Stop?

Yeah, what ofit?

There's something strange

goin' on down there.

Joey says

the place is haunted!

Haunted?

There ain't no such

thing as ghosts.

You knowthat.

Yeah, but...

Howdoes Joey know, anyway?

Does he hang out there?

You knowJoey ain't like that.

He stopped by there last week

to stretch his legs,

and he said...

Stretch his legs.

It all sounds

pretty queerto me.

Nowlet's go.

Ghost or no, I ain't goin'

anywhere near that place.

Joey said...

Joey said, Joey said!

Fine, you win, but if we gotta

take the long way around,

the first beer's on you.

Nowwhere're you goin'?

Through the Indian

burial ground.

Oh, I thought we might go up

by Dead Man's Lake.

Oh, yeah, that's good too.

Yeah, then we can stop off

at the beauty parlor

and pick up Joey -

ifhe's not too busy

stretching his legs.

Aw, go on!

It was 1967-

the summer oflove.

England had decriminalized

sex between men.

The Oscar Wilde Book Shop

first opened its doors

in New York City.

And Ladybird

was in the White House!

These were heady

and exciting times.

No one could have known

it was all about to come

crashing down around us.

Isn't it

a beautiful evening?

Let's pull over here

and watch the sunset, shall we?

Sure.

I gotta take a leak anyway.

I wish you could come to

my birthday party this weekend.

All my friends

are dying to meet you.

Sorry - a bunch of stuff

just came up at work.

Not gonna

be able to make it.

But Bobby!

You promised.

I wanted to show

all my friends the real you.

I'll showthem the real me.

Bobby, be serious.

Who the hell do they think I am?

Well, they said you were a lousy

two-timing cockroach

in tight slacks

and cheap cologne.

That's crap!

I pay a lot of money

for my cologne.

Please, Bobby.

It's my birthday.

Listen, cupcake, I told you.

I have to work this weekend.

But don't worry.

You'll get your present.

Being with you is more of a

present than any boy deserves!

You're the bee's knees, Bobby!

Right.

And you're the cream

in my coffee.

Listen, babe, I've gotta work

early tomorrowmorning.

Right.

Those burgers aren't gonna

flip themselves!

That's the spirit!

So you don't mind

hoofing it from here?

That's a six-mile walk.

Six miles?

You'd better get started.

It's gonna be dark soon.

Hey, watch the paintjob!

Daddy just got

this baby detailed.

Oh, sorry.

Well, I'll see you

later, then.

Not ifl see you first.

Wait.

I thought Burger Queen

was closed this weekend

so they could

clean the grease traps.

They're out

for blood tonight, huh?

Yep.

It's a beautiful

evening, though.

Yeah, it's great.

You wouldn't happen to know

the time, would you?

Sure.

It's about 9:
30.

Say friend,

do you have a light?

I can't seem to find mine.

Did you check all your pockets?

I think so.

Maybe I need some help.

Sure... always glad to help

my fellowman.

Found it.

Oops...

I seem to have dropped it.

Why don't I go down and get it?

Yeah.

Why don't you?

Kinda dark out here.

You may have to

feel around for it.

Blasted mosquitoes!

Here it is!

Oops!

Nowl seem to

have dropped it.

You should really

be more careful.

Maybe you should go

search for it this time.

Nah.

I got another one

like it at home.

If you find it...

you can keep it.

Happy hunting!

Wait... here it is!

Oops, nowl've

dropped it again!

Howabout some help?

I sure could use someone to come

down and help me get it!

I don't even smoke,

you selfishjerk!

Evening.

Beautiful night, isn't it?

Do you have the time?

Oops.

I seem to have

dropped my lighter.

I sure could use some help

looking for it.

It's pretty dark out here.

You might have to crouch down

and feel around for it.

Oh, the quiet type, huh?

I got something you can

put in your mouth.

Hey...

what's wrong with yourface?

What... what are you?

Stay back!

Get away!

GETAWAY!

NOOOOOOO!

Aren't birthdays

the greatest?

Cake, presents, streamers,

and a chance to catch up

with the ones you love.

That summer my best friend

Stan threwa party for me

at his brand newbeach cottage.

Stan is the quintessential

host with the most.

He's always got

a song in his heart,

he's kind to children

and animals,

and he can roll a pig in a

blanket like nobody's business.

His lover Billy was there, too.

Boy, what a side ofbeef!

Not to mention

level-headed, smart,

and as trustworthy

as a Catholic priest.

Then there was Randall,

the wise old sage of the group.

He brought Gary that weekend.

They seemed to have a healthy

relationship built around

mutual trust and respect.

And Joseph was there.

Sweet, shy,

and with an inner strength

that most peoplejust don't see.

This was going to be

my best birthday ever.

But Fate had other plans.

It all started

with a radio bulletin...

We interrupt this program

with a special bulletin.

The mysterious West End Virus

has claimed another victim.

Investigators have confirmed

that the death

of 37-year-old

Sebastian Camembert was most

probably due to this horrifying

phantom affliction,

which has claimed five other

victims in the past week.

The Centerfor Epidemic Control

has issued its strongest warning

yet regarding this virus.

Citizens are urged to report

to medical authorities at the

onset of any flu-like symptoms

for extensive screening

and observation.

Town scientists are searching

for the origin ofthis blight,

exploring local swamps

and mosquito nests

surrounding the highly

controversial Chemical Plant.

Chemical plant spokesmen

deny any connection

to the mysterious deaths,

despite public suspicion

and accusations

from the latest victim's family.

The victim, a confirmed

bachelor, was a graduate

of Lucky Pierre's

School of Cosmetology,

and enjoyed volunteering

at the community theatre,

figure skating,

and twilight picnics

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