Creatures from the Pink Lagoon Page #2

at local scenic rest stops.

I love twilight picnics.

Mr. Camembert is survived

by a devoted mother,

two sisters,

and his beloved shitzu, Blanche.

And now, a word

from our sponsor.

"Exit 5 Rest Stop"

Anybody home?

Hey, lover.

Hello, hot stuff.

I've missed you!

Lovely to see you,

Joseph.

William Luckinbill,

don't be such a boor!

Take your cousin's bag.

That's OK.

I can get it.

Well all right, then.

Let's get you inside and get you

out ofthose hot clothes!

Honey, you can set yourthings

in the first bedroom there.

Howwas yourtrip, darling?

I hope it wasn't too unbearable.

Only the last half-mile.

I hate having to trudge

all the way up here

from that old

abandoned logging road.

Well you'll have to

get used to it, he-man.

They're not gonna

replace that bridge

for at least

another month!

Joseph, honey, would you

like something to drink?

Some lemonade, maybe?

No thanks, Stan.

I'm fine.

I'll be out in a minute.

Honestly, we'll be lucky

ifthat child comes out at all.

Oh, he'sjust shy is all.

Not after a weekend

with this crowd.

Well, this must be the place.

How can you tell?

Well do you see any other

gingerbread houses around here?

Gingerbread?

What happens

when it rains?

Shhh!

You're so attractive.

Don't ruin it.

Randall!

Hello, stranger.

It's been too long.

And this must be...

This is the flavor of

the weekend, Gary LaTourneaux.

Gary, may I present

the lady ofthe house?

What's up, my brother?

Slap me some skin!

Mary, put that hand away -

and give me a hug!

Well, look what

the cat dragged in -

an older, uglier cat!

Did it take you the entire bus

ride to think that one up?

No, itjust popped into my head,

all spontaneous like.

Watching the species evolve,

right before my eyes.

Nowhelp this one with my bags,

like the kept woman you are.

Is this one allowed to talk?

No!

But he is allowed to scream -

my name... tonight -

repeatedly.

I hope we don't

keep you up.

I'm surprised you can keep

anything up at your age.

Laugh it up, helium heels!

All right, children,

enough ofthat!

Come inside.

See the newhouse.

This is beautiful!

Isn't it?

It was built in 1935

and still has most

ofthe original floorboards.

The marble birdbath

is hand-carved.

And the entire kitchen

is fireproofed with asbestos.

I love it!

Everybody loves my house.

The stairs over there...

Oh, screwthe stairs!

Where's the crapper?

I don't knowabout anybody else,

but I'm ready for a swim!

Sounds good to me!

I've got a two-piece in the

closet if you want tojoin them.

I doubt Romeo and Juliet

would appreciate the company.

Honey, they're just swimming.

Ow.

I don't think either one of them

is wearing insect repellent.

So, you and Stan, huh?

Yup.

Fouryears this August.

Howlong have you

and Cruella De Vil

been going steady?

Four hours this afternoon.

Four hours?

That must be a record for him.

Well, it is for me.

I just sat down for a minute

and I must've dozed off.

Did I miss anything?

Honey, come meet Randall.

Joseph,

this is Randall -

one of my dearest

and oldest friends.

Randall, this...

Let me guess.

This is your

straight-but-not-narrow

college roommate,

who's come to visit unexpectedly

to tease us with some

devastating secret

all night long before

ultimately reconsidering

and lashing out in a

self-loathing homophobic fury.

Am I right?

Child, what tune

are you playing?

This is Joseph,

Billy's cousin.

He's not homophobic.

He'sjust shy.

Lovely.

Five tired,

screaming fairy queens

and one anxious queer.

It's a pleasure

to meet you, Joseph.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Must be nice

living on your own lagoon.

Oh, I don't live here.

I've got a room back at

the YMCAin the city.

So you and Stan

don't live together?

Live together?

Living together's for squares!

What do we look like -

Ozzie and Harriet?

I love that show.

I mean, I love him and all,

but you knowwhat they say:

Monogamy equals monotony.

Ozzie and Harriet said that?

Besides, I need to pump iron

at least twice a day

and Stan won't let me

bring my barbells

anywhere nearthe house.

Have you done any pumping today?

Not yet.

I'm here!

Phillip!

Oh, good!

I was starting to get worried!

Did you get lost?

Oh, no,

nothing like that.

I was just up

late last night

taking the most glorious

moonlit stroll.

I must've slept right through

my alarm clock.

Well, it is good to see you.

And happy birthday!

Good lord, child!

What is that smell?

Oh, that must be Bobby's

after-shave you smell.

We were together last night.

It's Butch 22!

Oh, cripes.

He's not still daddling

that walking grease factory,

is he?

Well hello, Randall.

You're looking betterthan ever!

And you are still

a horrible liar, cupcake.

Good to see you.

Oh, god!

You reek ofthat stuff!

Didn't you bathe this morning?

Of course I did.

But his fragrancejust seems

to stick to me, like...

Like spooge in a shower?

I have a feeling he's gonna

stop by this weekend

and surprise me.

I can't wait

for you all to meet him.

What makes you think we haven't?

Joseph?

Why, it's been ages!

Hello, Phillip.

Happy birthday.

Oh, I could watch this all day.

Billy! Gary!

Our guest ofhonor

has arrived!

Meet me back here

after lunch, OK?

Don't be a stick in the mud!

We got dancing music on!

I'm gonna sit

this one out, cookie.

Oh, you won't get

that one to dance!

Randall does not

like showtunes.

What?

But we all love showtunes!

There's no sweeter music

in the whole wide world!

What can I say?

I'm immune to its charms.

He's got a tin ear

and two left feet.

Rememberthat one move

we used to do?

What was it, Stan?

You were the best at it.

Yes, I was.

Now step aside, ladies.

School is in session!

"Hungry for You"

Nice going, twinkle toes.

They're comin'.

They'll convert our children.

They're an aberration!

Filled with every kind of

wickedness and depravity:

Strife, malice,

deceit... murder!

They're closer

than you think!

You won't know

until it's too late!

Who's the old fruit

in the space suit?

That's our next door

neighbor, Mr. Hastings.

He's a little eccentric.

Hello, Mr. Hastings!

Would you like to join

us for some ambrosia?

Potato salad, maybe?

You're asking for it,

dancing around like

that in the open!

There's trouble comin',

you know.

They'll get you

if you're not careful!

Get you all, I tell you!

Honey, why don't you sit down

and have some lunch?

People say I'm crazy!

But I've seen what they can do.

And I'm gonna be ready.

I'm gonna stop them!

No!

NOOOO!

My, that Gary

sure has a healthy appetite.

In more ways than one.

I guess I got a hollow stomach.

Honey, at least

this one speaks English.

And has all his teeth.

Do I need to mention

the Cabo San Lucas incident?

Oh, we swore we would

never speak of that again!

Who's Cabo San Lucas?

The patron saint of pubic lice,

in this case.

Child, don't make me

pull out the photo album!

Gosh, those guys sure have

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