Crimes and Misdemeanors Page #3

Why not?

Because you're very unrealistic.

You know that?

Sit... Sit down for a second. Let's talk.

Look. I've been...

I've been thinking, too.

And it occurs to me,

if I caused you to miss any opportunities

that might have been lucrative for you,

I'm perfectly prepared to reimburse you.

- I don't want to feel I've cost you any...

- I'm not after your goddamn money.

I want to speak to Miriam.

It's her problem, too.

- I want her to know the truth.

- Keep her out of it. All right?

I think she should know

her husband is a liar and an embezzler.

Don't you dare call me an embezzler.

I'm not blind. I know what went on with

those philanthropies and your stocks.

I took nothing. Not a nickel.

My conscience is completely clear.

You needed money

to cover your losses. I was there.

OK, OK. I needed some temporary help.

I mean, for Christ's sake.

After a life of hard work, a man doesn't

let himself go down the toilet. Does he?

And moving funds is not stealing.

Without telling anyone?

Every cent was accounted for,

with interest.

I don't think they would see it that way.

So this is what you plan on doing? You're

gonna hold on to me with threats, right?

Stupid threats and slander.

This is your idea of love, right?

I will not be tossed out.

I want to speak to Miriam.

Think, for Christ's sake! Think what

the hell you're doing to me. Please.

I can't figure it out.

I need you.

Del...

I love New York.

I was born in that building.

Behind the guy... the statue there.

The guy on the pedestal.

I love New York. It's like thousands of

straight lines just lookin' for a punch line.

And what makes New York

such a funny place is that

there's so much tension and pain

and misery and craziness here.

And that's the first part of comedy.

But you gotta get some distance from it.

The thing to remember about comedy is:

If it bends, it's funny.

If it breaks, it's not funny.

So you gotta get back from the pain.

See what I mean?

They asked me up at Harvard, a bunch

of kids asked me "What's comedy?"

So I said... And this is part of

what I said about getting back from it.

I said "Comedy is tragedy plus time."

Tragedy plus time.

The night Lincoln was shot, you couldn't

make a joke about it. You just couldn't.

Now, time has gone by,

and now it's fair game.

See what I mean? It's tragedy plus time.

- OK, we're out.

- That's it? So fast?

I shot up ten rolls on your first question.

I've gotta get to CBS anyway.

We'll start this again tomorrow.

Just remember what I was saying.

What do you think?

- Excellent. Absolutely.

- I think I'm too cute.

I'll be more relaxed tomorrow.

I'll do that tragedy stuff.

- This is Halley Reed for Mr Kurnitz.

- Would you excuse me one second?

Listen, if you play your cards right,

you could have my body.

- Wouldn't you rather leave it to science?

- I offer you my heart, you squash it.

Come on. When are you gonna quit

this organisation, come work for me?

- You'd fire me. I'm much too opinionated.

- No, no.

- That's OK. I'll wait.

- I like mental stimulation.

- You tried shock therapy?

- That's good. That's funny.

- Listen, Lester. We've gotta go.

- OK. I'll be right with you.

- It's five o'clock.

- Wait in the car.

- Would you please come?

- Yes. Wait in the car, Arthur.

Yes, I was holding for Mr Kurnitz,

please. It's Halley Reed.

Why don't you come with me

down to Barbados?

We'll swim, we'll get some sun.

Sorry. I freckle.

That's my best shot. I can't do any better.

- That's OK. I'll wait.

- Think about it. OK? Please.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Yeah, it's Halley Reed. You cut me off.

- OK.

- Excuse me. We haven't officially met.

- I'm Halley Reed, an associate producer.

- I'm Clifford Stern.

Can I ask you what I asked the producer?

What do you bother with this guy for?

He's such a pompous bore,

and your show does such great profiles.

Just between you and me,

I wanted to do Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

- That's perfect.

- They like a little variety.

- He is an American phenomenon.

- Yeah, but so is acid rain.

Boy, you really don't like him, do you?

I love him like a brother -

David Greenglass.

So why are you doing this? It's unusual

for them to bring in an outside person.

Yes, I know. I'm doing it

strictly for the money.

I'm trying to make my own documentary.

I'm doing a profile on a guy who'd be

absolutely perfect for your show.

- Yeah? Who's that?

- His name is Louis Levy.

Do you have a little time?

The unique thing that happened

to the early Israelites

was that they conceived a God that cares.

He cares but, at the same time,

he also demands

that you behave morally.

But here comes the paradox.

What's one of the first things

that that God asks?

That God asks Abraham

to sacrifice his only son,

his beloved son, to him.

In other words,

in spite of millennia of efforts,

we have not succeeded to create

a really and entirely loving image of God.

This was beyond our capacity to imagine.

- Boy, he's really interesting.

- A fascinating guy.

- He could be wonderful for the series.

- You wanna dump Lester and do him?

- Cos I would love to...

- We can't dump Lester.

But I think I could talk them into

a little financing for you.

And if all this comes together right,

and it should,

we got some free spots

in the fall schedule.

Wonderful. For me to get on your series

would be such a feather in my cap.

That would be

the biggest audience I ever had.

Great. Let's work on it.

Let's make it happen.

Really? You know, even though we just

met, I've taken an instant liking to you.

And I to him.

Hi. I thought I'd come by

on my way home. I got Jenny a present.

- Is that you, Uncle Cliff?

- Yes, Jenny. I got you something.

I got you a great book,

an absolutely terrific book.

How are you? I got you this great book

with great pictures of old New York in it.

- Look at this. This is old Fifth Avenue.

- This is great.

Carriages and top hats. I told you.

There's a section on speakeasies,

which is really interesting.

That's the Flatiron Building,

which is very famous.

I'm in a great mood.

I had a creative breakthrough.

I heard you got some action

on your ad in the personals.

- This is the old Madison Square Garden.

- Jen... Don't you have some homework?

- Yeah, I have to go do that.

- We'll look at this later. Great pictures.

Cliff...

What's the matter?

- I'm a wreck.

- What is it?

- I'm a wreck.

- Barbara...

Barbara, what's the matter?

I feel sick.

- What is it?

- I've been shaking like this for days.

What's wrong?

I've been going out with this man

that I met through the personal columns.

Very attractive.

It was very nice.

I went out with him three times.

He was never fresh.

He was always a perfect gentleman.

So... we both came back here,

and Jenny was away.

She was sleeping over

at a friend's house.

And it was, like, one o'clock

in the morning or something

and we both had had a little to drink.

You know, I wanna tie you to the bed.

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