Crimes and Misdemeanors Page #4

- Really?

- And rip your dress off.

Have you ever been bound up,

tied up and made love to?

I'm... I'm a...

I'm a sensible gal.

No more you're not.

God, Murray. God...

Barbara, I'm shocked at what I'm hearing.

You're my sister.

A nice, middle-class mother.

What are you telling me?

I couldn't move.

I was tied tightly to the bedposts.

Jesus. By a stra...

a guy that you didn't know?

And now you're gonna tell me

that he robbed you, right?

No.

He got on top of me and... and...

- And what?

- I can't say it. I just... I can't say it.

What? Tell me. What's so terrible?

He sat over me...

and went to the bathroom.

That's so disgusting!

Oh, my God! That's the worst thing

I ever heard in my life.

- Then he took his clothes and left.

- Barbara! You idiot!

This guy could've cut your throat!

Murdered you!

- I would've preferred it.

- Jesus. You're such a dope!

I wish I could have sympathy for this.

That's so easy for you to say,

but I'm so lonely.

You don't know what it's like

to be by yourself all the time.

I'm sure you're lonely. I know it's painful.

But promise me that you're never gonna

place another ad again. It's ridiculous!

My whole life is passing me by,

and I don't have anyone to love.

I know that's so hard for you

to comprehend because you're married.

But it's so lonely out there.

I mean, you have a wife,

and you love her, and that's so nice.

Let me tell you. Things are not so good

between my wife and myself,

just so you don't get any illusions.

We've been coming apart for the last year.

It's just that neither of us has the energy

to do anything about it. It's not so great.

A strange man defecated on my sister.

Why?

I don't know.

Is there any reason I could give you

that would answer that satisfactorily?

You know, it's just so...

Human sexuality is just...

it's so mysterious.

Which I guess is... you know.

I guess it's good in a way.

Yeah, well, I gotta be up at seven.

I knew it had to be some deep,

dark secret for you to stoop to call me,

- to actually invite me to your home.

- Jack, who should I turn to but a brother?

- I've been there for you.

- I'm here, aren't I?

Don't make sharp cracks. I didn't

stoop to call you. I'm in serious trouble.

She won't take money.

She won't listen to reason.

I even thought of telling everything to

Miriam, but she could never live with it.

Add to that her blabbing

about my financial indiscretions.

Not that I stole, but I was indiscreet.

And, if they look hard enough,

who knows what they'll find?

- What would you like me to do?

- I don't know, but she's killing me.

Want me to have somebody talk to her?

- Like what?

- Straighten her out.

What do you mean? Threaten her?

That's all I need.

How else do you expect

to keep her quiet?

I don't know. Jack, I don't know.

- Well...

- Christ, Jack. What are you suggesting?

What did you call me for?

I don't know. I hoped you'd have

more experience with something like this.

You called because you need some dirty

work done. That's all you ever call for.

Look how bitter you are.

You've staked me plenty of times.

I don't forget my obligations.

Threatening will only make it worse, Jack.

OK. Forget about it.

What do you want me to say?

How the hell can I forget about it?

I'm fighting for my life.

This woman's gonna destroy

everything I've built.

That's what I'm saying. If she won't listen

to reason, then you go on to the next step.

Threats? Violence?

What are we talking about here?

She can be gotten rid of. I know people.

Money'll buy whatever's necessary.

I won't even comment on that.

That's mind-boggling.

What did you want me to do

when you called me?

Not to do dirty work,

despite what you think.

Anyway, it's gone beyond

just Miriam now.

She's talking financial doings.

I'm out of ideas. I don't know what I

expected from you, Jack, but some help.

You know, you're not aware of

what goes on in this world.

You sit up here with your four acres and

your country club and your rich friends.

- Out there in the real world, it's different.

- Come on.

- I've met a lot of characters...

- I've heard these stories before.

...from Seventh Avenue, from Atlantic City.

And I'm not so high-class that I can avoid

looking at reality. I can't afford to be aloof.

You come to me with a hell of a problem,

and then you get high-handed on me.

I don't mean to be high-handed.

I haven't been sleeping. I'm irritable.

OK. Forget I said anything.

Let me just get something straight here.

Am I understanding you right?

Are you suggesting getting rid of her?

You won't be involved.

But I'll need some cash.

What will they do?

What'll they do? They'll handle it.

I can't believe I'm talking about

a human being. She's not an insect.

You don't just step on her.

I know. Playing hardball

was never your game.

You never liked to get your hands dirty.

But, apparently, this woman is for real,

and this thing isn't just gonna go away.

I can't do it.

I can't think that way.

Don't tell me.

I don't wanna know anything about it.

This is a work of art.

The ropes come off. I tie sash weights

to her ankles with soft catgut.

- Please! That's a horrible word.

- Get the angle on this.

She disappears. Two weeks, maybe three.

Then up she pops. None of this stuff

on her any more, no marks. A suicide.

- Now isn't that beautiful?

- It's loathsome.

- Be sure no one sees you.

- Don't worry.

This only happens in the movies.

Listen, we should get back.

Lester's gonna be leaving the hotel soon.

We'll make it. We've been shooting Lester

all week. I'm tired of it. We'll catch him.

I shouldn't have told you my weakness

is going to the movies in the daytime.

I go all the time with my niece.

It's wonderful. It's like playing hooky.

You said that yesterday and we were late.

We weren't late. We didn't miss anything.

Have another cheeseburger.

It's our lunch hour.

I've got everyone up at the network

very excited over Professor Levy.

I have some great stuff to show you later.

Listen.

I bought you a present.

Great. Now I can get rid of

my few remaining teeth.

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

A treadmill. Are you trying

to tell me something?

- You said you were bored with the bike.

- You may find this just as boring.

- I think you're in great shape already.

- Yeah, for a man my age.

Great to see you enjoying yourself.

You've been so depressed.

This thing's great for tension.

- I'll go get it.

- It's just like the one you saw at the club.

- Where are we gonna put this?

- I'm gonna have 20 men take it upstairs.

- It looks like a kinetic sculpture.

- It's not gonna stay down here.

- It tells you how many calories...

- Dad, it's for you.

Miss Paley.

- She's a patient.

- On this phone?

Yeah. She's going through a crisis.

I'll be right back.

- Why couldn't the service pick it up?

- It's probably an emergency.

I'm calling from the gas station

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