Crimes and Misdemeanors Page #6

Synopsis: Judah Rosenthal is an ophthalmologist and a pillar of the community who has a big problem: his mistress Dolores Paley has told him that he is to leave his wife and marry her - as he had promised to do - or she will tell everyone of their affair. When he intercepts a letter Dolores has written to his wife Miriam, he is frantic. He confesses all to his shady brother Jack who assures him that he has friends who can take care of her. Meanwhile, filmmaker Cliff Stern is having his own problems. He's been working on a documentary film for some time but has yet to complete it. He and his wife Wendy have long ago stopped loving one another and are clearly on their way to divorce. He falls in love with Halley Reed who works with a producer, Lester. Cliff soon finds himself making a documentary about Lester and hates every minute of it.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Woody Allen
Production: Orion Pictures Corporation
  Nominated for 3 Oscars. Another 16 wins & 21 nominations.
 
IMDB:
8.0
Metacritic:
77
Rotten Tomatoes:
93%
PG-13
Year:
1989
104 min
4,807 Views


couple of months to get my spirits up.

You know, I saw it I don't know how many

years ago. I remember loving it.

They play it on television frequently.

You wanna watch it? I could

play it on this thing reel by reel.

- Wanna have dinner?

- Don't you have anything to do?

No, no. And, you know,

you got till nine o'clock.

Why not? There's an Indian restaurant

right near. I'll send out. We could...

# All I do is dream of you

the whole night through

# With the dawn, I still go on

dreaming of you

I love this Indian food.

It's great.

Want some more tandoori mouse?

Just kidding.

- You want some of the curry?

- Too hot, too hot.

My teeth are melting.

Boy, this is the perfect way

to see this movie.

It's great, isn't it?

When you see Lester later, be careful.

This guy tells you

he wants to exchange ideas

when what he wants is to exchange fluids.

- Yes?

- I have a delivery of some flowers.

So Chris and you

can't agree on your honeymoon.

We can agree. We've talked about a lot

of different places. It's just that...

I told Chris, and I told you before,

I want to go someplace warm.

But I also wanna do things like hike...

- You know, I hadn't thought of Australia.

- Not Australia.

I should've done what my friends told me.

Just go where we first wanted to go.

- Where did you first wanna go?

- We wanted to go to Italy.

Dad, it's Jack. He's on the phone.

- Who?

- Jack.

Well, go to Venice, Florence, Rome,

and do what you want to.

We can have sun, we can have snow,

we can have everything we want.

- All my friends have gone to Italy.

- You won't go there cos your friends did?

I just wanted you to know

everything came out fine.

It's over and done with,

so you can forget about it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'm in shock, Jack.

Judah, I'm telling you,

it's like the whole thing never existed.

It's a small burglary. Nothing more.

Yeah. So go on back to your life

and... put it behind you.

I can't speak.

I need a drink.

What am I gonna do?

I've got guests here now.

Jack... God have mercy on us, Jack.

Mom, you told me that Mary

has been having acupuncture.

- She's tried it.

- Yeah, for a few months.

She hasn't gone back. She stopped.

Is everything OK, sweetheart?

You look kind of upset.

I'm fine. It's just Jack.

She still wears a collar when she drives.

She can't look around.

- But it's done a lot. I'd consider trying it.

- What about Oriental medicine?

I have a friend who consulted

a Chinese physician with an eye problem.

And he inserted a cat's whisker

into her tear duct.

She's been tellin' this story all week long.

- Well, it cured her.

- It did?

But you told me also he uses wires, too.

In acupuncture, you use needles.

- But very fine.

- That's a different procedure.

What do you think, Judah?

Judah?

Judah, what do you think?

I think I've done

a terrible thing.

What's wrong, honey?

I...

I left these papers at the office

which I absolutely need tonight.

I can't believe I did this. How negligent

of me. I've never done this before.

- I've got a major conference tomorrow...

- No, darling, you can't get them tonight.

I have to because

I've got an hour's work to do.

- But we're in the middle of a dinner party.

- I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

- Don't apologise.

- I don't like him driving at night.

Stanley, I'm so sorry about this,

but I have to get these papers.

- Would you like some company?

- No, not at all.

- Darling, forgive me.

- Chris will take you.

It was a wonderful evening,

and if you're here when I get back...

- Thank you.

- Don't worry. We're fine.

I do apologise. Let's just finish the coffee,

sit down and... he'll be back.

I'll say it once again:

The eyes of God see all.

Listen to me, Judah. There is

absolutely nothing that escapes his sight.

He sees the righteous

and he sees the wicked.

And the righteous will be rewarded,

but the wicked will be punished

for eternity.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello. Hello?

I want your opinion. I'm doing a special

on jazz. I'd like to know what you think.

I admire her opinion so. Did you tell him

I wanna produce your idea for a series?

- No.

- It's great.

She wants to do a different Chekhov story

every month. He wrote a million of 'em.

- That's very sweet of you.

- I'm putty in your hands.

- What'll I do with a handful of putty?

- She's always got a zinger.

This vixen, this minx.

We should be going cos we have to pick

up those airsick bags we talked about.

I've got to get up at dawn

and teach Emily Dickinson to

upper-middle-class crack addicts.

- One of my favourite poets.

- Me, too.

- Because I could not stop for Death...

- He kindly stopped for me.

The word "kindly", right?

The carriage held but just ourselves

And lmmortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,

And I had put away

My labour, and my leisure too,

For his civility.

- Lester was a great English student.

- Not that I graduated.

It's amazing. I couldn't graduate, and

the same school now teaches a course

in existential motifs

in my situation comedies.

- Really?

- Where'd you go to college, Halley?

- Columbia.

- You went to Columbia?

- What'd you major in?

- Law. I graduated from the law school.

- You didn't practise?

- Yes, I did. But then, you know,

I met my husband and...

we moved to Europe for a while.

It's a long, boring story.

I wish you'd go back to your old job.

I used to edit newsreel footage so...

You know, floods and fires

and famines. It's depressing.

- We don't all have to go, you know.

- No, I do.

We'll go. You two stay.

You have business to talk over, right?

- I could go with you, if you like.

- Let's just go, OK?

- Let's go someplace quiet for a drink.

- I wouldn't mind that.

- I'm just exhausted.

- From what? It's early.

- Some other time.

- One little drink.

Really. Some other time.

Jesus. Lester was so pushy tonight.

He comes on with Halley like

it's business, but he's after her.

Oh, please. She really likes him. I can tell.

- You've gotta be kidding. She likes him?

- What's not to like?

- He's attractive, he's rich, he's charming.

- He's your brother. You're prejudiced.

She put him down pretty good

when he said "Let's go have a drink."

I loved the way she said

"Some other time."

- Fine. Enough already.

- That was pretty witty.

- What makes you think she likes him?

- Didn't you see her staring at him?

She probably can't believe her eyes.

You wouldn't pick up on it

if it hit you over the head.

You're not at all romantic.

That's the problem.

Hey, honey, you're the one

who stopped sleeping with me.

It'll be a year on April 20. I remember the

date exactly, cos it was Hitler's birthday.

I'm not discussing that any more.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I'll bet she's having a drink with him now.

For how much?

I'm serious. For how much?

You really know how to get my goat!

Hi. It's Clifford.

Yes, I knew you'd be in.

I just... You know.

Tonight was a lot of fun.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, and playwright, whose career spans more than six decades. more…

All Woody Allen scripts | Woody Allen Scripts

4 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Crimes and Misdemeanors" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/crimes_and_misdemeanors_6058>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Crimes and Misdemeanors

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    In what year was "Titanic" released?
    A 1999
    B 1997
    C 1998
    D 1996