Crimes of Passion Page #5

He asked me, amy. I didn't

think you'd know what it is.

Of course, i know

what it is. What is it?

It's a term for radioactive

fallout. That's brilliant.

Isn't your daddy

brilliant?

What does the "90" mean?

Yeah, hon, whatdoes

the "90" mean, hmm?

Tell us, daddy, hmm?

You're the expert.

It means...

that, uh-

that you have 90 days to

get an antidote or you die.

I think you better ask

your teacher, jimmy.

I got to get

to work.

Daddy left food

on his plate.

Yes, daddy doesn't follow

the rules. He only makes them.

Good-bye!

Give daddy a kiss.

- Two hundred for a three-way.

- You got a radio?

- We've got whatever you want.

- Health insurance?

Want to get

to heaven early?

Maybe we should make

him an offer at 14.

He's got so much stock

already. He might cooperate.

We can't go lower than

18. It's an insult.

I refuse to pay that opportunistic

bastard more than he deserves.

It's a matter

of principle.

The eagles' pitcher

has allowed only four hits-

oh, i'm still worried about

finley coming through, though.

The man has absolutely no sense

of morality, don't you agree, dear?

Uh-huh! First time up,

martin grounded to third.

That was back in the second. I'd like to finalize

this before laurie comes home for vacation.

Hope she isn't bringing that boy she's seeing

- the jew?

Not that i'm a bigot or anything. You know

the work i've done for crippled children.

But if he's jewish, what

are we going to do with him?

God knows we can't take

him to the country club.

Claudia, have you ever heard

of a jew who didn't play golf?

Arthur!

Don't stick

your tongue in her ear.

You have to be careful

with these people.

You don't know what kind of

germs they could be carrying.

Stop this crate!

Close the deal quick

before your tongue drops off!

Kids hate this salad. Where are they?

Oh, they're at my mom's.

Guess who we just saw?

Janie durant. Remember, she beat

you out for head cheerleader?

What a slut.

She's not a slut.

She went to ohio state.

Every two years, they let a slut

into ohio state. Her timing was good.

I sat next to her in biology.

She was always dropping her frog.

- What she doing now?

- She's a waitress out at, uh, seafood heaven.

Didn't she marry lenny

harris? That nerd.

He sat behind me in english and tied mirrors

to his shoes so he could look up my dress.

Sheila, what are you

talking aboutthat was me.

I knew it was some nerd.

It's okay.

I've got one.

Isn't it flat?

I like it flat.

Well, you never liked it

flat when we were married.

I never liked anything

when we were married.

Okay, team.

Get it while it's hot.

He thinks he's still

in high school.

Oh! Disgus-

you got mustard

all over-

okay, everybody.

Look at me and smile.

- One or the other,

we can't do both.

Damn the living

it's a lovely life?

It's a lovely

a lovely life?

One more for... posterity?

Aha, aha?

It's a lovely?

Life?

Promise me you won't

do the magic act. What?

You told me you liked it. I lied.

Donny. Donny.

I think it's time for the old h.

p. A little nostalgia for the gang?

You rat porker.

Does amy know?

She'll sh*t.

I thought

i'd surprise her.

Ladies and gentlemen, may i

have your attention, please.

- We have a treat in store.

- It's that dumb magic act.

No, it's no magic act,

for today, live on our stage,

direct from the wild,

untamed jungles of borneo-

hot damn!

It's the old h. p.!

Ladies and gentlemen,

prepare yourselves.

You're about to experience

the human penis! Whoo!

- Whoo! Amigo!

- Bobby, don't! I mean it!

Bravo! Bravo!

Didn't your mother teach you to wash

your hands after you go to the bathroom?

No, she taught me not

to piss on my fingers.

Did it feel good to get

even? Feel good to lie?

Thought you liked

the magic act.

I just didn't want

to hurt your feelings.

I guess you can't win.

You can win by being honest

with me instead of humoring me.

What do we have if we can't

be honest with each other?

I don't know, bobby,

what do we have?

I don't know, amy. What else

have you been humoring me about?

Go to sleep. No, i want to know what

else you've been sparing me from.

I'm really not

in the mood for this.

Are you ever in the mood for anything?

Don't turn away from me. I

want to know what's bugging you.

Is it the way i eat?

Why did you pour all that

maple syrup on my pancakes?

It was a mistake, all right? Was it?

What do you think, i'm trying

to poison you with maple syrup?

If you're unhappy about

something, just tell me.

Don't take

it out on me.

I'm really tired. No, damn

it! Stop avoiding this!

You been acting like i have

the plague or something!

I mean, i want to know what

the hell is bothering you!

Is it-

is it money again?

Nuclear war?

What about the way we make love.

If you can remember back that far.

I mean, all your

oohing and ah-ing-

is that just so you

don't hurt my feelings?

Stop it! Come on! I

want to know! Tell me.

Bobby, don't do this. Tell me, damn it!

Be honest for once.

I can take it.

Have you been

getting off too?

Or have you just

been humoring me?

I really hate

this kind of talk.

It's not the h. p., and

it's not the magic act.

Is this us?

I want the truth.

You wanted the truth.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry. What

do you want me to say?

Why didn't you just tell me this before?

All this time it hasn't

been good for you.

Why'd you have

to lie about it?

I am your husband. Don't you think i

would care about something like that,

that i'd want to do

something about it?

Didn't you trust me

enough to believe that?

I didn't say

it wasn't good for me.

L- i just

don't need...

the same thing

from it that you do.

It's never been

important to me.

And you know i feel

funny talking about it.

You feel better

faking it?

You were satisfied.

Satisfied?

What do you think i am,

some kind of machine?

That i just need

a hole to come in?

I mean, what do you think makes me come?

Stop

- no! What do you think...

makes me come?

I don't care!

I'll tell ya. I thought

it was being inside...

the woman that i love and

giving her as much pleasure...

as she was giving to me.

You know,

the two of us together.

Some kind of magician

i turned out to be.

I'm so good,

i conned myself.

Maybe it's time we both

stopped the conning,

started learning again...

on our own.

I know you're pissed, but before

you go crazy, just let me explain.

I don't believe this. You

followed me. Goddamn it.

I don't f***ing believe this.

I just want to talk to you.

I don't want to make any trouble.

I promise. I have to go to work.

It won't take long.

Please.

Thank you.

Well?

It's a great apartment.

What are you,

a real estate agent?

I saw these

in a book once.

They say that in the east

it's forbidden...

to have sex with someone

who knows your secrets.

Or shortcomings.

You'd never be horny

there. I'm never horny here.

I guess not.

Cut the crap.

What do you want from me?

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