Crimes of Passion Page #4

right or wrong anymore.

Did you really believe

it was her?

So i'm a lousy guesser.

What'd you get

on her?

Not much.

She stayed home all night.

That you, joe?

You free?

No, but i'm

one hell of a bargain.

I meant, uh,

are you available,

you know, for action?

"Action"?

Soldier, for 50 bucks, you can

name your own battlefield.

Oh. L-i'm sorry.

I'm not too good at this.

It's my, uh, first time.

Ohyou that desperate

or that horny?

Married. Oh, that

desperate and that horny.

Go slow.

I'm just a boy scout.

Well, baby,

you are about to become

an explorer.

Oh, hot body.

Are you an athlete, huh?

Yeah.

Played varsity football.

High school.

- Quarterback.

- Mmm.

Well, quarterback, you can

have the ride of your life...

if you trust me

at the wheel.

Sit down.

How, uh, good a driver

are you?

Who said anything

about driving?

Driving's what you do with

your wife. Here, we fly.

That sound good, lover? Bet you and your

wife haven't done much flying, right?

Sh*t. Me and my wife haven't

been doing much driving lately.

It's joe.

I'm ready for takeoff.

You're on standby tonight,

babe. I got a full load.

Okay, but next week,

it's first class.

Who are you?

It's not

a prom date, sweetie.

I'm a hooker,

you're a trick.

Why ruin

a perfect relationship?

Ahh. Here.

Have a quaalude.

To float. You'll love it. I promise.

Flier never lies.

Fasten your seat belt, honey,

and say hello

to freedom.

Good evening. Welcome to

china blue airlines flight 69,

nonstop service

to paradise.

We'll be

taking off shortly.

I'll be unbuckling your belt and

seeing that big bird rise and rise,

finally settling

into the comfort...

only this wide body

can provide.

We're here to serve you.

Please remember that although

we may run out of pan am coffee,

we'll never

run out of t-w-a-t.

Hey, ivory soap.

Ninety-nine and forty-four

one-hundredths percent pure.

Kinda funny,

isn't it?

Look, i, uh-

don't say it.

You don't even know what

i was gonna say. Do you?

How come you're in such a hurry? Me?

You raced for that shower

like it was the indy 500.

You couldn't wait to

wash it off, could you?

Wait a minute. L

- no problem. Hey, i know the boy scout oath.

Cleanliness

is next to godliness.

How would you know? You haven't

been next to either one in years.

What i do in this room might

not win me a purple heart,

but it sure as sh*t

beats the p. t.a. Meeting.

Why are we acting

like this?

I thought f***ing was supposed to bring

people closer together, not drive 'em apart.

Oh, yeah? Is that what

it did for your marriage?

What we did

tonight-

i mean, you felt it too, didn't you?

You weren't

just acting.

You felt

what i did.

Tell me. Please,

i have to know.

Would you, um-

would you maybe like

to see me again?

Yes.

But i can't.

There are three things

you have to know...

to make it

as a 50-buck hooker.

You have to act, you have to f*** and

you have to know how to count to 50.

You're lucky. You've seen all three.

Close the door on your way out.

There are a lot

of creeps around here.

Ready when you are, c. b.

Not tonight, okay?

Freedom

requires treatment.

Just leave me alone.

I would if i thought you

wanted me to. Get out.

Women.

You mystify me.

The extremes you go to

for a little validation,

and you still

go home alone.

What's your mystery,

reverend?

Authority never

reveals itself.

Why?

Are you afraid that i'll stop

believing, or afraid you will?

Those are the rules. My

50, my game, my rules.

Game's over, fraud.

The game's never over. That's

what you're here for, isn't it?

I don't feel like playing

games. I think you do.

Consider the alternative.

You want a game?

Go sit down!

Onward christian soldiers?

Marching as to war?

With the cross of jesus?

Stop that! Stop it!

Going on before?

Come on, stud!

Give it to me.

It's all a game. Fly!

Do what you want.

You want freedom?

You need to manipulate women to feel like

a mando it! That's what we're here for!

Like you manipulate men

to feel like a woman?

Let go, damn you!

Whyit's only a game!

Let go, i said! Let go, you

f***! It hurts, doesn't it?

Tell me it hurts!

Yes, it hurts! It hurts!

So you can feel?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that.

How was it, huh?

Not bad?

Ph. d. In emotionalism?

Huh?

I have accepted reality?

I'm curedfree at last!

Sh*t!

You self-righteous

son of a b*tch!

I can play your goddamn game

as well as you can,

and i don't use religion

to pump myself up!

If you're a minister,

i'm snow white.

Yes, but what fun it is

playing the part.

Would you leave now, please?

That was quite a performance.

There's no limit

to my talents.

You're the head of your class,

or is it the class of your head?

Oh!

A man of words!

He makes up in diction

what he lacks in dick!

Lesson for today:

I've written you a poem.

Would you like to hear it?

Behold this wicked woman.

She falls, she mends.

She crawls, she bends.

She sucks it, fucks it,

picks it up and licks it.

You can whip her, beat her,

maul her, mistreat her.

Anything you want

as long as you don't touch her.

Get outta here. Take your

goddamn truth and get outta here!

Show her affection

and she turns to stone!

You haven't had

your 50 dollars' worth yet!

Come back here! Listen to me!

Get away from me!

You

- do you know what you are?

Do you know what you are? A cheap painted

slut who makes a fortune selling illusions-

one of your regulars, my dear?

Rather eager tonight, isn't he?

I guess i, uh,

taught that guy a lesson.

That was no guy.

That was my savior.

I've never been fought over

before. I've only been fought.

Yeah, well, it's, it's tough

work. Can't please everyone.

Oh, i didn't mean this work. In

this work, icanplease everyone.

Come on. What are you still

doing hanging around here, anyway?

It's okay.

I'm not helpless.

I guess i could

use some help.

Thanks for the help

just then.

Or the attempt, anyway. Yeah.

We're not all out to get you.

Now, go on home

to your wife.

I wish

i could tell her...

the way you made-

made me feel.

She'd say it's part

of my imagination.

It was.

- Can i have another pancake?

- No, you cannot have another pancake.

You had two already.

Fat girls do not get married.

- Bobby, are you okay?

- Whatyeah.

I'm fine.

Did you do something to your

hair? It looks different.

Yeah.

I cut it last week.

Glad you noticed.

Excuse me.

Here you go, dad.

When you gonna fix

my garbage disposal?

I'll have a look at it.

It might need a plumber.

You can fix it, dad. Daddy, will

you teach me how to plant a garden?

Why me, kiddo?

Your mom'll teach you.

Daddy doesn't know how

to plant a garden. Hey!

Amy, it's really

not that hard.

Honey, easy! You know i

don't like maple syrup.

- Of course you like maple- - since when

have you known me to like maple syrup?

- I don't want to argue with you.

- Who's arguing?

Dad, what's strontium 90? It's

a term for radioactive fallout.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote